My D is a freshman and moves in a triple room next week. The time slots for moving in are based on first letter of last name. She will be the last one to move in! She has communicated with one of her roommates but hasn’t heard a word from the other. What is the etiquette for moving in when you are the last one with access to the room? We hope it will be evenly divided with space for everyone. If not, what is the best way to approach it? Would love any advice based on experience! She wants to get off to a good start!
I think, with all things, just being direct and communicating in a rational way is the best way. Should your daughter find out she has been squished out of her fair share of space due to arriving last, she needs to advocate for herself right away, promoting a solution that is fair to all 3 roommates, repeating the message if necessary.
Learning to advocate for oneself is an important skill to master. No better time to start than when gaining the independence that comes with college life.
Agree with the above. My S moved in after his roommate and they had bunk beds. Not only did the roommate take the top bunk but he took up all the limited underbed storage space that was available under the lower bunk. My S decided not to argue about the top/bottom bunk (which my S thought he should have been consulted about), but he did ask his roommate to shift over some things so he could use half of the space under the lower bed. It was no issue (the roommate found space for his things in and on top of his armoire). So my recommendation is to let stuff you can live with slide and to graciously seek out a solution to things that are really bothersome. I would add that if there is a problem that the roommates can’t agree on a solution to then bring in the RA.
But here is this year’s classic CC move in story. Hopefully you won’t have these issues!
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/2011338-roommate-brought-22-pillows-4-lamps-7-towels-and-a-large-ceramic-pineapple-p1.html
Many actually prefer the bottom bunk, but if your child finds themselves in a bunked room due to space and winds up with a bunk space that wouldn’t be their first choice it is very fair to say to roommate that it is fine for the first semester but they’d like to switch off for the second semester.
I would say the 3 of them should agree now how to arrange the beds and who gets which. Then they are all on notice that there is a 3rd coming.
Sometimes the first 2 are ultra respectful of the last one and empathize with being last to come in and leave all the best space. Believe in the best of humanity. If the worst happens, agree most people will be reasonable if your student can articulate what she needs.
I don’t think guys are all that bad…they don’t bring a ton of stuff and they tend to be pretty reasonable. I think mine just treated it like camp and they were never first to arrive so got whichever bed was empty.
My S’s roommate just left it all a mess to S got there and then they chose!
Last year, I saw 2 girls leave all their bags packed and in a pile for 5 hours while they waited for the third to arrive because they wanted to be fair. So there may not be anything to worry about.
But if she feels she’s been left the worst of everything (bed, desk, closet), it’s fine to ask the ones who got there first if someone will swap one of theirs with her. Everyone realizes they’ll be living together so in general, if someone makes reasonable requests (vs. demands), compromises are easily made.
@gardenstategal Thanks for the encouragement! Our fingers are crossed!
When my son moved the school had already who got what bed in the dorm. He was in a double so it make things a bit easier. For me it is pretty simple, you pay for 1/2 or 1/3 of the space in a room. Keep your stuff in your space until everyone is moved in. You can then make adjustments as roomates. Even if your roomate is a minimalist it is their space and you have no right to take over the space they paid for. Common sense goes a long way.
@Grainraiser I agree! I do find it ironic that we pay the same for a room with three people as those with only two in a room. Love the college my D has chosen except the total lottery form of housing allocations.
I would bet there’s nothing to prevent your D from going to see her room and roommates earlier in the day than her move in time – just no close-to-dorm parking for you and no bringing in stuff just yet. It might not be a bad idea to show up and get the lay of the land.
I agree with @cnp55, I know for BS our kids’ Dad could only help move in at a certain time because of flights, and we showed up early and explained and the school was very accommodating. Why not show up early?
@denimom “I do find it ironic that we pay the same for a room with three people as those with only two in a room.”
Really? Triples aren’t cheaper than doubles?
My daughter had a double (but 2 rooms). She got there first, so we took the “back room” which was a tiny bit more spacious. But we reserved half the closet which was in her room for her roommate. Also we put all the “common” items (fridge, microwave, Kuerig – they had written too each other and allocated who was contributing what) in her room and offered to switch rooms after the first semester (the girls ended up not switching). It probably also helped that my daughter and I helped move in her roommate. I think most people are respectful and want to get along. If you approach things in this way, it should work out most of the time, barring a real jerk as a roommate.
Sometimes people have a different Ideal of what is the worse. Some would want to be near a window, while the other might value a darker cozy area away from a potential draft and the light coming in every morning. I think DS will arrive first, unless one of his roommates is ROTC or an athlete. He is a make-it-work kind of person and his roomies sound fun, so we expect no problems. Also, their triple is slightly cheaper than a double at their school.
My experience is that there aren’t huge differences in bed, desk, closet, and armoire for each student, whether in a double or triple. Everything’s pretty standardized. Usually each student has a clone of each item. Location may vary, as @TQfromtheU mentions - near window, near heater, etc, but again it’s not huge differences, different people have different preferences, and the possible inconveniences will be small. Generally the whole room is an inconvenience!
I would not sweat it, expect the best, be prepared to accept the worst, and know that in a semester or year there will be the possibility of change. I agree with various suggestions above such as scheduling a switch for midyear, advocating if anything is hugely unfair, and stopping in to say Hello earlier in the day. The other roommates may be glad you’re there to settle preferences earlier rather than later, if they are the considerate types waiting to include everybody in decision-making. Be sure to offer to help lug suitcases or make a run to the store (if time allows).
My D and her freshman roommate did not communicate before school began although they had each other’s info. When we arrived, her roommate had chosen a bed but right away let it be known they could switch. My D is pretty easy going, had been in boarding school for four years, so she was fine with whatever. The two of them chose to room together again this year.
Most dorms are pretty symmetrical, and it doesn’t matter which side you are on. For my nephew (and for me when I went to school way back when) the only difference was which way the door opened, so you were behind the door or the bed they could see when it opened. For my daughter, the door was on one side and there was a sink when you walked in. The other side was a little more private, but then the wardrobe/drawers were a tight squeeze with a lofted bed.
Honestly, neither side was better.
I guess it depends on the school…I know a couple of schools that give a discount if they triple the students.