How common was it for your child to move out of the area(100+) miles to land a job? Or if they went to a school far away, how many of them were forced to stay there due to the lack of opportunities back home?
I think it completely depends on your student’s major and where you call home. I have one that is back home and one that stayed within 100 miles of her college because she chose to do so. She would have had opportunities here (and still does) if she had elected to come home.
One of mine went to graduate school on the other side of the country and ended up getting his first job there (and his second and third). He likes it there. He might move out of that area at some point because it’s a very expensive place to live, but I think it’s very unlikely that he would move back to where he came from.
The other one got her first job in the metropolitan area where we live, but this was more-or-less an accident. Of all the jobs she applied for, it was the only one in our area. It’s been a few years since then, and she now lives 2000 miles away.
What I’m trying to point out here is that some young people don’t have any particular desire to settle permanently near the place where they grew up. Neither of mine did. They both like the areas where they currently live far better than the area they came from.
One of my kids went to college 3000 miles away. If I were betting, I’d say she will love in our region but not our state at some point.
My second kid went to college 120 miles from home, and is now about 2000 miles from here. I can’t see him ever coming back to this area to live.
Honestly, I am bracing myself for my kid to wind up elsewhere. Her school is an hour away, and we live in the most expensive area in the country right now. I think it has to do with the job opportunities and where your kid goes to school. I think the considerations now include housing/quality of life. If you can’t afford to live here, you aren’t going to stay here.
My daughter didn’t stay away because of a lack of opportunities at home. She stayed away because she went to school in an exciting urban area filled with things to do and places to explore.Nothing wrong with living away from home – at least not to this mom (who also never returned home after going away to college.) Kids have to live their own lives.
I’m not sure how common it is. In our little world, our oldest moved to one of the coasts from the midwest (where home is and where she attended college). She accepted an unpaid internship, and worked in a restaurant until she landed a paying gig. I don’t see her coming home anytime soon. Her reasoning, when she told us, is she can always come back home. If she stays in the area, it might be a lot harder to leave.
I’m not sure how it will go with our youngest. She is still in college, but she didn’t come home for spring break and is staying down there over the summer.
It’s not for lack of opportunities nearby, but a desire to build their own lives and perhaps experience something different. I know it can be really hard on some parents, but I love to see them off on their own & eating up life.
We were surprised with a new baby for our 20th anniversary. That has kind of become a game changer for our older kids. Both have expressed the desire to be close enough to visit and have a relationship with her adorableness. Unfortunately, our city is inhospitable to young people financially. They will have to start elsewhere to have a real chance… probably pretty far “elsewhere.” It’s more likely that both will end up on the East Coast and we will move over to them to be closer.
I live in Wisconsin, and my children grew up here. One went to college in southern California, worked there for a few years after graduation, and then moved to New York City, for the artistic and cultural environment. My other child went to college in Minnesota, worked in New York City for two years after graduation, and now is in graduate school in northern California. Wisconsin does not provide the opportunities they have in the places they have worked and gone to for grad school.
I expected my oldest to live at home after college graduation. Instead, she moved 1000 miles away with her fiancé. His family is out that way and I don’t expect her to ever move back. We are planning to move closer that direction once the youngest graduates next year.
This is a much harder thing for mothers then it is for fathers. JMHO.
One went to school about 150 miles from high school, and the other 1800 miles, but then I moved and live 150 miles away from the ‘1800’ one. The first one is graduating and staying in Florida, about another 75 miles south of her college. The other now wants to return to Florida after she graduates.
I’m thinking vacation house!
We’re actually assuming our kids won’t come back as our area is not chock full of great opportunities for their potential careers. We’ll likely relocate (at least with a condo) in an area closer to one of both of them depending on where they end up.
@rosered55 My daughter moved from the east coast to Wisconsin for her first job. Loves it and is a great opportunity for her.
I think it just depends on the person. Some will have to move if their career and goals are specific, but most either are willing/have a desire to locate elsewhere or they don’t.
D went to undergrad 1200 miles away, has spent the last two years working 180 miles from home but is headed to grad school halfway across the country. Have loved her being “close” but proud of her independence. If she eventually has a child, we may well move to be nearer. Housing costs are pricey in our area, although job opportunities are generally good. Hasn’t been a case of D rejecting living here but rather seeing a better fit elsewhere.
This is one of the things that is on my mind as we start the University hunting process with DS’19. Most of the schools he is considering are within 1-3 hrs drive of home with a number considerably closer. There is one potential one that is about a 2 hr flight away. I really like that school and think it could really be a good fit for DS, but I don’t think he is seriously considering it. I do wonder though if he were to choose it what the chances would be that he wouldn’t come home summers or decide to stay out there after graduation. On the other hand the employment prospects there aren’t the greatest and neither is the weather in the winter. Still with co-op programs and internships there is always the possibility that regardless how close to home a school DS chooses is that after 1st year, he would only becoming home for major holidays. If DS manages to find employment where we live though he will most likely be living at home for quite some time given the price of housing in the area (unless he can find a number of room mates to help share rent).
When I was in university I lived in residence all 4 years and always came home summers but dh moved off campus after his 2nd year and landed a great summer job. He then decided to stay working at that job and do his degree via distance learning, becoming self supporting at 19. He never lived at home again. We moved in together after I graduated and got married the following year and stayed living in the city where we went to school. For me it was about 200 km from home and for dh about almost double that. The interesting thing is that with our jobs we slowly made our way back to where my family lives and now live 5 minutes from my parents. Mostly that’s because we live in a bedroom suburb of a major metropolitan area where dh now works (and we’d had kids by then making it convenient to live near a set of grandparents). Once the kids are done high school in a few years dh has expressed an interest in moving closer to his hometown where his parents and 2 of his brothers still live (though he will still need to be withing commuting distance of work since he isn’t quite ready to retire). His oldest brother moved across the country at 20 but recently he has expressed an interest in moving back closer to family, so I guess there is always a chance that even if they leave and move far away, with some time, they could move back again.
@MomOf3DDs, it does definitely depend on what the person’s interests are. And I’ll probably never move from Wisconsin, because of my own ties, personal and professional, here.
1 went to university in Chicago. We live ~200 miles away in Michigan. He began his career there, and in all spent about 10 years in Chicago. Then return home? Nope. He's now living in the East.
2 went to RISD, about 650 miles from here. Then moved to NYC and still lives there.
The kids are following career opportunities, and a preference to live in a large metropolis. We visit them. We’ve considered moving eastward for retirement, but it’s much cheaper to stay where we are.
I have 2 Ds. One moved to over 2000 mi away to west coast because of high tech. The other D was originally only 4 hrs away (close to her university) but we’ve moved and now shes’s 900 mi away. Its hard because if they or we wanted to visit during their university days we could just get in the car and drive the 4 hours. Now it takes more planning.
The vast majority of OOS students at most publics dont not stay after graduation. But could go anywhere else. Many do go back to home state.