Moving out versus helping parents

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I'm starting classes on Wednesday and was thinking of moving away from my parents' house. While I have plenty of freedom here, I always feel so much pressure all the time to stay focused on school, with alarm bells ringing whenever I try to add some social endeavors to the mix, that I don't think I can handle it much longer. My parents are charging me to stay here, as well, so it's not really a matter of finances in whether or not I should (or can) move. One option is to live for free (or however much I feel is appropriate to help out) with some family that I seem to mesh with better. It's about 15 minutes further from my college than my parents' house, but I have a fuel-efficient car, patience, and no job (I have essentially a full ride scholarship/financial aid combo), so I don't think that matters much.</p>

<p>The problem is that my parents' (precarious) budget was designed to include $300 a month from a disability check I received for being minor dependent of my mother, who is disabled. Now that that's stopped, I've been feeling a great deal of pressure to help out financially, colliding with the stress of making sure that ends meet from my financial aid. When I brought up moving out at the beginning of the summer, my dad argued that that would hurt them more than help them, as they would have no grounds to expect compensation from me.</p>

<p>I don't really know what to do. I feel that moving into a lower-stress environment where there's less focus on financial problems would free up more of my energy to focus on getting good grades. I also am concerned that if they are pressuring me to help them now, when I'm likely at one of my lowest points of my adult life financially, that it will only get worse once I begin bringing in a steady income. I'm eventually going to need to move out anyways, and their financial situation is unlikely to improve before then. On the other hand, there's a lot of my stuff that I would have to leave behind (like my old bed and desk) that precludes me moving out on bad terms, and it's very difficult for me to try to explain long-term possibilities to people who live from paycheck to paycheck and refuse to share any of their financial information with me.</p>

<p>How am I supposed to have any sort of college experience with so many difficult financial and moral decisions to make?</p>

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<p>Your parents seem to be able-bodied; you don’t describe exactly where their financial problems stem from. However, so long as they are not elderly dependents, it is absolutely not your obligation to support your own mother and father. If they cannot afford an extra $300, then they should probably find a new living situation which allows them to do so, or cut some spare things out. Their poor financial management skills are NOT your fault or your responsibility, especially when you state that they’ve refused to share any financial information with you yet are demanding $300/mo from you. If you’re paying them, you should know where your money is going, no matter what the circumstances are. It is a nice thing to help them out, but not at the cost of your own happiness and life. They’ve had their time, and gotten to make their own decisions freely; now it’s your turn. </p>

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<p>Your fears are likely correct.</p>

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<p>You might also find it helpful to post about your situation on CC’s Parents Forum.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the replies. I wasn’t really sure where to put this, and I wanted it to be on a college forum of some sort because that’s an important angle of it. </p>

<p>Completelykate, thanks for alleviating a bit of the guilt I’ve been feeling, since I was given quite a bit of guilt-tripping when I missed my chance to get a job this summer and had to tell them that just I couldn’t pay right now if I wanted to or not. My mom really is disabled, due to a traumatic brain injury several years ago.</p>