<p>My DH is an adult and votes, is married, works and sign contracts and he’s still having trouble getting used to the idea of selling his parent’s house that they lived in for 45 years before his dad passed away last Christmas. There’s no rational reason to hold on to it and he won’t, but that doesn’t negate the emotional letting go and the process of closing the door on that part of a life. In my view it’s OK to talk these things out in healthy families and arrive at the rational solution by going through the tough emotions of it rather than around them. </p>
<p>OP’s son had a gut reaction, he expressed it “in the raw” as is his style, they talked it though and arrived at a happy if bittersweet resolution. As she said, they have all moved on.</p>
<p>Seahorses - You don’t understand this because you are very accustomed to such changes. However when an individual experiences something like this for the first time, no matter what their age, it is challenging. And to expect someone to behave a certain way based solely on their chronological age is totally illogical. People can experience periods of extreme emotion and immaturity throughout their lives. And it’s typically because they are having trouble adjusting to change. We are not robots where you can turn a switch that blocks out irrational thoughts and emotional reactions the moment someone turns 18.</p>
<p>What advice would you give a young adult whose parents have just announced that they are divorcing? Based upon your argument, you would not allow them to feel sorry for themselves for a second? You would expect them to immediately see that this is best for mom and dad? Sorry, but when you’re dealing with human beings it doesn’t work that way.</p>
<p>I think the root of your callous talk might be based on the feeling “hey I dealt this crap so you better just grin and bear it too.” Who’s being immature now?</p>
<p>Cbug: to piggy-back your great post, yes, I agree with the consensus that seahorse has lived through it so “what’s the big deal”? But there are kids who lived sheltered, uncomplicated, laid back, country bumpkin lives (I pretty much just summed up my son’s network of friends) and when a “change” comes up, it’s semi-world rocking for them. </p>
<p>Calling them spoiled selfish brats was harsh to say the least but I totally understand the nomadic life some kids live due to parental job transfers/ldivorces etc. so their reaction becomes more of a “yee-haw, another adventure!!!”</p>
<p>I have a SIL who lived all over the country due to job changes and she is the most outgoing, charming, outgoing person I know. But I also have cousins who grew up doing the same and they are a collective group of introverts.</p>
<p>"I too moved every 18months growing up. Yeah it was hard, but I as a child, knew it was what we had to do. At 6, at 7, at 8,three different middle schools, two different high schools. My girls changed schools. "</p>
<p>So what? There is more than one way to deal with change and your experiences and the way you dealt with them may have worked for you, but they do not represent the only option available to the OP. Apparently a lot of other parents agree that the “grow up kid” approach you advocate is not one they would advise or follow.
Different strokes for different folks.</p>
<p>In my experience, anyone who starts a disclaimer with
“I am sorry I offended, but”…
is usually not very sorry…
ymmv</p>
<p>We made a move when D2 was a junior in high school. She cried the the first month, bit quickly adjusted. Now we are moving again just as she is going off to college. She is even sader this time because she may never see some of her friends any time soon. </p>
<p>What we have done with our first move was to make sure D2 had few of her favorite things - books, records, pictures. For me, I brought few pieces of my favorite furniture/family pictures with me. I asked D1 if she mind us selling our family home because she didn’t move with us. She said, “where ever you and daddy are will be home to me. It is fine with me.”</p>
<p>Op - I would bring some of your son’s favorite things to your new home - chair, pictures, books. Set up a room for him so he would have a private place when he is home, so he wouldn’t feel like a guest. I think soon he is going to see that his high school friends are not going to get together as often. College is a transition period. They are adults, but they are not self supporting yet.</p>
<p>I remember the parents of a college friend of mine moved (from one neighborhood to another) while he was away. We joked that his parents were moving and not telling him where.</p>
<p>Looking at it from the kid’s perspective, it’s sort of shocking to think your childhood home could be sold (if you have lived a length of time in it). Adults can see the long view, but I can see how the child might be upset.</p>
<p>I feel for your son, Merrymaid4, because all of my kids (3 girls and 1 boy) are similarly sensitive. My parents still live 1/2 mile away in the home they bought in 1962, and it breaks my heart to imagine them ever selling it! (I think that ship has safely sailed…<em>whew</em>.)</p>
<p>I get that you feel the move is in your best interest, and of course you should do what you feel is best, but please don’t listen to anyone who says your son is being a brat. I think he sounds like a sweet kid who has a deep emotional attachment to his childhood home, and that is wonderful (though painful in instances like this).</p>
<p>Also, re: stagnating if you’ve never left your hometown, um…generalities much? I was born and raised in my small town (suburb of Washington, D.C.) for all of my nearly 43 years, and I live with my DH and kids in a home 1/2 mile from my parents’ home. I’ve managed not to be too small-minded. :D</p>
<p>It’s one thing to be attached to one’s home, quite another to (in OP"s words) have a melt-down and accuse one’s parents of selfishness while moaning about a 20 minute ride to see friends. He was rude and quite selfish himself, so the word bratty does apply. Hopefully OP’s son has come to his senses and apologized.</p>
<p>I am the OP and my post was a knee jerk reacted to what was a TOTALLY out of character reaction by my son. He was sharing with me comments from his friends (all good kids) who were reacting in their own egocentric teen angst manner. I stated that this is a small town tight knit group of kids who have been friends since nursery school and anyone of us would be blessed to have a group of friends as supportive. When one hurts, they all hurt. I’ve seen it. My son was hurting/shocked/scared that we were going to uproot him (this house came up suddenly although he knows we’re looking at downsizing eventually) and his comments reflected that.</p>
<p>My main reason for posting was my admittedly over reactive guilty response so I wanted hear if others may have gone through anything similar. </p>
<p>I discovered that there is apparently a group of teens out there who NEVER react in a selfish/bratty off the cuff manner when emotionally cornered.</p>
<p>Again not a child, a man. Not a teen. A man. Sorry but he is a man. </p>
<p>He is already uprooted. He is away to college nine months of the year. There are teens who deal with much worse hardships, and I mean real hardships. And college kids who accept life and parents change and handle it with grace and understanding. </p>
<p>And why are we calling the ops son a child. He is not. He’s a grownup.</p>
<p>And as for this oh some kids are just sensitive and takes them time to deal with change.
Lets turn that around and say yes, they indeed are sensitive, but it’s to their one needs and wants, not necessarily to the needs and wants of those that need to make changes.</p>
<p>Trying to make the kids who can deal with change, and can adjust quickly to new things as somehow less sensitive is unfair. They are perhaps more sensitive to the needs of those around them and realize its not about them all the time.</p>
<p>Merrymaid-
You are a grown parent and had a knee-jerk reaction to your s’s comment. And he too had a knee-jerk reaction to being told that you were selling/moving. These are both NORMAL responses. As I said earlier, I guessed it would take 3 days for him to deal with it. How is he doing?</p>
<p>He’s fine and is behaving like a kid does when he knows he behaved in such a manner that was short-sighted, if you will. We’re taking a second look at the house tonight and he’s going. </p>
<p>Not a “done deal” yet but at least the ball is rolling that way!</p>