<p>I had an abusive father during my childhood. He beat me, and was emotionally abusive my entire life. I ended up having a lot of mental problems, and had to go to a mental hospital at 17. What actually changed me was college. I went to an out of state college, started fresh, and my mental health got a lot better. I started getting good grades in engineering, and living a decent life. </p>
<p>My dad called me, and we had a big argument. I tried to actually connect with him, but when I brought up all the abuse, he said I deserved it all. That it was my fault, and none of his. I finally stood up and told him he was a horrible person. How he made people in his life leave, and how a lot of the bad things and relationships he lost were destroyed. He responded by cutting me off. After that I felt a lot better. It felt like I was being his slave, just because he had me financially. But now I realize I have another problem.</p>
<p>Going into my third year of engineering, and I have a pretty good GPA, so I think I have a good chance of getting a job after college...What I'm worried about is paying off college for the next two years. Who should I talk to, and how should I start the process for getting financial loans? Honestly after standing up to my dad, I feel more motivated than ever. And finally have some control in my life. I just need some direction.</p>
<p>Freedom comes at a price and having to pay for college is it. A bargain of a deal if you ask me. How are you going to pay for college? Loans, internships and part time work. Congrats, you are free from a toxic environment. BTW, your father will never change, keep that in mind when you deal with him.</p>
<p>Thanks man, that helps :)! Should I start talking to my financial aid office Monday? Also if I filled out my FAFSA with me being dependent on my dad, is it still possible to change it so I can get financial aid?</p>
<p>The Fin Aid office might be closed on Monday because of the federal holiday, but if it is open, get yourself in there first thing in the morning. You need to let them know what has happened in your life. They may not be able to help you much as long as you are considered dependent, so find out whether there is any evidence you can give them that will make a dependency override possible.</p>
<p>It really wouldn’t work out. It’s a messy situation, but I know my mom can’t financially support me. I think the best option would to be finish college, and start a job once I get out.</p>
<p>My dad was paying a decent amount, some of it was partly paid through federal loans.</p>
<p>Independent status may not be a possibility, and I realize that might happen, but I really can’t turn back now. Getting out of that toxic situation was worth more than any sum of money for me, especially knowing I can move on with my life. I’ve been talking to a lot of students(particularly med student friends) and learning about their debt. If I can last two more years, and keep my GPA, I can get a decent engineering job, and hopefully pay it pack without much repercussions.</p>
<p>med school friends are in a very different situation than you’re in. They can borrow without co-signers. You can’t borrow to cover what your dad was paying without cosigners.</p>
<p>You’re already taking out Stafford loans. How will you cover your dad’s portion? (how much is that?)</p>
<p>^^I’m not sure that a lawsuit on top of what the OP needs to get through is wise right now. However, I would say if any of the paperwork dealing with your mental problems can substantiate the abuse – you need to get that in your hands ASAP to use as a possible appeal to be declared independent for financial aid. Since you are now an adult you should might be able to request copies of medical records, etc.</p>
<p>Well, a lawyer might be able to help because the son could sue for damages. My friend’s son did that to his ex-step-father for abuse. The son was awarded a substantial award which ended up paying for his college costs. </p>
<p>However, that would require the student to take off at least a year from school. But that may happen anyway because I don’t think this student understands that he won’t be able to just get the cash to cover this next year’s costs from more loans. He doesn’t have a co-signer.</p>
<p>I also wonder where this student will be living this summer.</p>
<p>BTW…when I suggested living with mom this next year while taking the year off of school, I didn’t mean that mom would be supporting the student. NO. The student would be working and supporting himself, but living with mom. That way he could use mom’s info on the next FAFSA.</p>
<p>Another option is to try to get hired by a techie company now that will pay for the rest of your education.</p>
<p>I can get a co signer, and that’s my aunt. She lives with my dad’s brother and he’s a carbon copy of him. She’s someone I really trust, and I know can help me out with this. My mom lives with my dad. It’s a really messed up situation, because my parents are Indian. They had an arranged marriage, and my dad also abused my mom. Because of her mental problems, she has no place to go, and has to stay with my dad because she has no financial aid. </p>
<p>I think my first step is to talk to financial aid and see what my tools and options are. I think I can get a co signer, and my aunt knows I won’t back out of it and leave her with debt. </p>
<p>Either way, I know this is a really bad situation. But honestly, it’s a lot better than before. My dad used me like a slave mentally because he had me financially, but I do think I have the resources to get through a few more years, and restart my life.</p>
<p>I won’t pretend to know and understand the situation that you are in but from knowing a few Indians parents, they can be quite strict and overbearing but in the end they all do care for their kids even though they may have different ways of showing it. You are now at college, your dad can no longer touch you or hurt you physically. If you can find within you to smooth things over with your dad, that might be the best way going forward after all he has been paying a lot of money for you to go to school, I don’t think any parents who truly hate their kids would do such thing.</p>
<p>Again, I have no idea what is going on and I won’t pretend to know or understand the pains that he may have caused in the past, but if there is any chance at all that there could be a reconciliation, you might want to do it for your own sake and future (not his). When you get over this hump, you can reassess your situation with him when the time is right and when you are fully on your feet.</p>
I’m sorry, but this is just a horrible thing to say. the OP’s dad abused her, and evidently has no love for the OP at all. It doesn’t seem like he would care whether the OP was dead or alive. abusive people don’t love the people the abuse. strict parents still love their children. and abuse has nothing to do with race.
you cannot, by any means whatsoever, compare abuse with having strict Asian parents. not even close.</p>
<p>If this is truly a situation that fits abuse legally, or you truly want the end of this relationship regardless of cost to you, you had better move quickly to get ANY money for this past year. Because if you have an unpaid balance, and the deadlines for federal backup for loans or ANYTHING are not place, you won’t get ANYTHING for the year just ended.</p>
<p>Look at the definitions for independence and see if you can qualify. Sign into a homeless center if you have to do so, and you can get independent status if you don’t have a FAFSA filled out for this year, and it will help for next year as well. For the year just ended, you need to get a loan, whether the Stafford is going to be enough or not, is going to be an issue. You just get $6500 in loans with your own name with the Stafford. You have to have a Stafford on file for 2012-13 school year to get it, or any loan. So if you don’t have one filled out, you had better do it, like NOW. The clock is ticking on this and once the year is over in terms of loan deadlines for this year ending, the door is CLOSED.</p>
<p>If you have a qualified co signer, you can look at the Sallie Mae loans of that sort and start going through what you need for you and cosigner to take out the loan and get your account up to date for the year ended,</p>
<p>For next year, if you can qualify as independent through FAFSA, you can get up to $5600 in PELL grants, $10,500 in loans from the federal government without a cosigner. But the rest will have to be cosigned. You can talk to your financial aid office and see what the school will do in this case, but usually they will not recognize that independence if they are a Meets full need school. But do find out. If they use FAFSA only, it is possible you can get some aid from them.</p>
<p>Your situation is one that may well allow you to receive a dependency override, which may result in a Pell grant - will result in higher annual loan limits - and may result in additional aid (SEOG or institutional money, if any is left at this point - it all goes quickly). Visit your aid office as soon as possible. Ask about a dependency override. You will need to write a personal statement that lays the situation on the table … be honest, provide specifics of the situation, and do not hold back in describing your life with your mother and your father up to this point. You will also need statements from others that support what you say. If you can get statements from clergy, doctors, counselors, mental health professionals … these are really important to have. You can get statements from relatives and/or friends, as well, but the professional statements are often necessary (if it is possible to get them - I know that some young people have not confided to professionals). Your aid office will assist you. Please see them, and be very honest with them. I wish you the very best.</p>