<p>My daughter is a freshman at Tisch. When I went to college, I went to a LAC with beautiful gothic buildings, rolling hills, etc. The NYU experience is completely foreign to my idea of going to college. But my daughter loves it! She loves the kids, the energy, being in New York. She is artistically and academically challenged and is the busiest human being I know. You can tell your dad that one of the pluses of a school like NYU is that there is so much more to do than party every night (though there are definitely parties too!). Ask him to explore the NYU website so he can see all the amazing things going on at the campus and then add to that everything that’s going on in the city. For some kids, it’s the perfect environment. For others, they need the rolling hills…</p>
<p>@R124687</p>
<p>As a long time lurker, your post has brought me out of the closet and lured me into registering. I am a professional writer. I have worked steadily for 20 years. I have made enough money to send both my kids to the schools of their dreams without financial aid. Hopefully their talents (because they’re good at what they love) will win them merit scholarships.</p>
<p>I would be both poorer and far less happy had my parents commandeered my college and career aspirations rather than encouraged me to pursue my strengths and passions (which turned out to be one and the same) in the geographic locations that I felt suited my sensibility.</p>
<p>It’s clear you have your child’s future interests at heart, but if you indeed practice what you preach, it’s a dangerous game you’re playing. Be careful. It’s important to teach our kids to be practical in life, but it’s just as, if not more, important to teach them to listen to their inner voices.</p>
<p>Alix…I have no gripe with OP. I’m saying YOUR attitude (tell them you’re a Junior and you can decide)…is the demanding/tantrum act.</p>
<p>My OWN situation is actually NOTHING like this at all. My daughter has her choice of several colleges. One is pretty much free. I do not care what she studies at that school. I have also seen what happens when one does what they don’t want to do. AND, I’ve seen the opposite. My niece is a Columbia law graduate - HER choice. Parents paid a quarter of a million dollars. She was an attorney for 1 year. Then an actress, now works in … I don’t know what to even call it. Barely making a living, and still not happy. </p>
<p>My own daughter WILL decide for herself. But, being dirt poor all my life and not being lucky enough to have any parents, let alone parents who could pay for college DOES qualify me to have as much input as your “ramble”. Op is lucky. My daughter is lucky. They will have educations of some sort, where many don’t. But it will take my blessings if you want my check. Example…if my daughter wanted to study acting…I’d pay for her education…PROVIDED she add something academic as a minor. If that’s too much for a child like you to accept, then so be it. I’m not asking for anyone’s approval. </p>
<p>I’m just saying that ultimatums, and declaring one’s maturity/independence/rights…at age 17…are not normally going to get much sympathy from parents who know better. You DO have “rights” at age 18. And that includes getting yourself an education. But you do not have the “right” in “insist” on having everything exactly as you want it, just because you want it, and having it paid for by someone else. </p>
<p>Just sayin’…</p>
<p>@R12468: Actually, I suggested compromising with parents in every post, including my first post where I specifically said, “If they’re paying for your college, you do have to compromise”. I mentioned nothing about “independence” or “maturity” - in fact, I emphasized the OP is only 16 and a Junior, and it is very premature for her or her father to be worrying about PhD or MD programs and the like. </p>
<p>I mentioned nothing of ultimatums or declaring one’s independence - I’m assuming you didn’t bother reading my posts at all, but were simply upset and looking to ramble about your own family issues. I quite honestly don’t care what your niece or daughter do.
No reason to be condescending and toss phrases like “too much for a child like you to accept” when you don’t know how old I am or how I paid for my education. It seems the other parents on this thread disagree with you as well, so I doubt it’s a matter of age. Your life and decisions are your business, but you’ve taken the simple matter of a hs girl wanting to apply to college and started rambling about finances and job prospects. </p>
<p>@missamericanpie: Ok sorry if I have you mixed up with someone else, but don’t both your parents work at NYU? I’m assuming you wouldn’t have to pay tuition in that case and wouldn’t have to rely as much on parents for college - except for room/board - so it’s weird they would give you such an ultimatum…
Regardless, it’s impressive you went to CC and worked to transfer here anyway.</p>
<p>@alix</p>
<p>yeah, one of my parents does, but if you remember from another thread, i was also rejected outright from CAS ED that year. a number of reasons, none of which matter now. rejection letter came in the mail, down came the “MD or no way” sentence.</p>
<p>@alix2012,</p>
<p>I think you offered the OP some good strategies and advice. Nowhere did I get the impression you were telling the OP to have a tantrum or give ultimatums. I believe there are other issues at play here.</p>
<p>@R124687</p>
<p>Hey now. Let’s not disparage acting or actors! S is a Tisch applicant hoping for an acceptance and I can assure you that Acting at Tisch will be VERY academic. But I guess my S is truly one of the lucky ones as I’ll be paying for his education without any conditions re his course of study. And I have no worries about that. Yes, it’s my money but I don’t need to use it to control his life…I just want to give him the best start. </p>
<p>Re your niece, H is a non-practicing attorney and I’m a former paralegal and both of us can attest to the fact that working in a law firm can suck big time and is not for everyone. Don’t be so quick to judge other people’s life choices! As for her still not being happy, might I say you don’t “sound” so happy yourself. </p>
<p>I get that sometimes the teen sense of entitlement is frustrating and that seems to be where you are coming from but even “parents who know better” think differently.</p>
<p>@Alix2012</p>
<p>You didn’t come across as having that teen sense of entitlement I was referring to although I disagree that a BS in Biochemistry as compared with a BA in MadeUpFluff at Gallatin should make a difference. </p>
<p>@OP</p>
<p>Just wondering why you feel you have to apply ED? I get that Senior year will be a lot better with an early acceptance but you may want to keep your options open. And applying ED doesn’t guarantee acceptance either so you’ll have to be prepared to apply to other schools anyway. </p>
<p>I suggest that you visit the schools your father wants you to see and keep an open mind. Additionally, I suggest that you have a calm and mature conversation with your father and ask him to do the same for you. There is no need to pick your major or life’s work at this point. What you want is a school that has several majors that you are interested in because you might change your mind.</p>
<p>FYI, my S is a gung ho NYC kid himself. He loves everything about the city even spit on the sidewalks and the smell of the subway. EVERYTHING. Yes, we had a very odd conversation about this! But ultimately, he ended up applying to other schools as well. Every school had something going for it and he felt he could be happy attending. Not all of them were in the city. Some were totally urban, some not. Some were large universities, some were small specialized colleges. He has his favorites on his list and NYU is among them but what will happen still remains to be seen. </p>
<p>@ MAP</p>
<p>I congratulate you on having the courage to go after the life that you want and I wish you well in mending those fences with your parents. Parents often do and say really stupid things that we wish we could take back and sometimes it’s out of a fear that our children will make the same mistakes that we did. Terribly cliche I know but ultimately it’s out of love. I’m 43 and my parents still tell me what to do! Thankfully, I’m a big girl now and get to do what I want so I try to take a deep breath, remember where they are coming from and tell them thanks, I’ll have to think about that…then I go do what I want! :)</p>
<p>Wow! I’m tired now after writing all that. What was I thinking? I had too much time on my hands today!!! :)</p>
<p>Wow this kind of turned into a heated debate…
So I think I’ve decided I’m most likely not applying anywhere ED, just maybe some EA and rolling so I can have some acceptances in my pocket by the middle of the year so I can worry a bit less throughout senior year.
I guess it’s reasonable to at least apply to schools that he wants too; it’s just that every time I bring something up he kind of scoff’s at it and suggests something else. I don’t want to get kicked out of SHP or miss out on something else I love to visit a college I don’t want to go to. Basically my only criteria right now is not a small school in the middle of nowhere. It can be a school large enough that I can’t tell it’s in the middle of nowhere; it can be a small school in the city. I just want more than a couple thousand people around me. I don’t enjoy being isolated. I went to a sleepaway camp for 5 years (yes I know… not really the best comparison but it’s the only one I’ve got) in the middle of nowhere and I just got sick of everyone and everything quickly. I’m a pretty dynamic person who changes her mind a lot (hence my decision to most likely not apply ED anywhere), which is another reason I don’t want a small school. I don’t want to be stuck doing something I don’t like because I don’t have other options and small schools DEFINITELY have less options than larger ones. I just wish my dad would consult me a BIT with some things. For example, just today I grabbed my homework out of the printer and at school I realized there was a receipt for $170 dollars for some CTY thing, most likely the Wheaton visit (no idea where CTY connects to Wheaton but I’m pretty sure he said the visit was through CTY). It IS my life, and I will be an adult by the end of freshman year. I’m the type of person who doesn’t do well at things she doesn’t like and I’ve made great progress with my research so far and it’s something I’m at least highly considering pursuing. Meh… I kinda lost my point, mostly replies to the various comments on here. Basically, it’s not an issue of money but rather not being allowed to do what I want. My dad is SET on me becoming an MD and as of now that’s not what I want. I don’t want to be a physician. I don’t have steady hands so I can’t do surgery (my hands shake even when I’m pouring things that are easy to spill because I get very nervous) and my dad describes what it’s like as a psychologist at a hospital and in the end it seems like he’s always alone. I know that doesn’t mean all places are like that, but I want a job where I can pursue what I love with people who are working WITH me, not against me in my own workplace.
I guess I lost the point again. Just a rant, sorry.</p>
<p>thanks milkandsugar :]</p>
<p>@sandkmom - I agree it shouldn’t make a difference. Nor do I think most gallatin majors are fluff (although i admit i’ve come across strange ones!) I was trying to counter the point that parents shouldn’t pay for a degree if it won’t lead to a good job</p>
<p>@rainbow - I would like to say not to worry about the whole MD-or-PhD question for a while. One of the reasons i’ve been trying to answer many of your CC is posts is because you remind me a lot of myself at 16. I’m also from LI and did Intel Siemens/LISEF in HS and came to NYU to study Chem/Neurosci and participate in WinS. My parents were initially set against NYU as well - I have a brother at Princeton but I wasn’t Ivy-bound. I haven’t made definite career plans yet but I am considering both an MD and PhD at the moment. I have done research at Cold Spring Harbor, NYU, and Rockefeller, volunteered at NYU Med and will work in NYU Med labs this summer - I can tell you from my limited experience that BOTH careers require you to constantly work with others in teams, and both mean a lot of competition and people working against you - sci research careers are just as competitive, if not more so than medicine (because in medicine there is the immediate goal of helping a patient whereas researchers are always duking it out for grants and such).</p>
<p>Alix- the type of competition my dad spoke of is actually between him and many of the medical doctors and it’s not really a legit COMPETITION but rather “oh I make more money than you and have a nicer car” rather than “I’ve done better research and published more than you have.” Ehh… I can’t pretend I know what I’m talking about but as of now I would really rather do research but it’s not the time to decide that. My dad just keeps PUSHING the medical school thing. I’m not even in college yet. LEAVE ME ALONE >.< annoying parents.</p>
<p>so, i did not read all of this, but i just wanted to add a little…</p>
<p>“My dad just keeps PUSHING the medical school thing.”</p>
<p>…do we have the same dad? 0_o lol. ever since i was about 6 years old [seriously], my dad has been pushing me towards becoming a doctor. for some reason, he has always had the, ‘u have to do this…what other options are there?..teacher? writer? no, L-O-L.’ attitude. plus, i think he feels bad because he didn’t become a doctor himself [chose to be an engineer, instead] & his mother is maybe a little disappointed in him because of that. the point is, it was REALLY hard growing up hearing ‘u have to be this, or i won’t pay for your education’, especially since my mother never really got involved or took a big interest in me. it really broke me down & i spent many nights miserable & in tears. if it wasn’t for my grandmother on my mom’s side telling me that my dad was acting irrationally & that i could be anything i wanted to be, i would have really gone crazy & been even angrier than i am. lately, my dad has loosened up a little bit because i think he has <em>started</em> to realize that-one day-i could really be gone from his life for good. but, seeing as though most of the damage is already done for me [every little thing was about control, for him], now just can’t wait to get to college & separate myself from both of my parents, because it’s gotten to the point where i really don’t want to have a relationship with either of them.</p>
<p>well, this post has been pretty much just about me so far, but here i’ll tie it back :] DO NOT push your kids, because one day they will be 18 & may never want to talk to u again. & how ‘shocking’ will it be for u, as parents, when u realize that-for the first time-the control lies in their hands? ;</p>
<p>p.s. i hope this relates at all to any of these stories. i really should have read more of this thread before ranting, loll.</p>
<p>Nahh its okay thisgirlisaG, I’ve been ranting too haha
At least I got my dad to reschedule the Wheaton visit to a day when I have nothing else to do so I’m not missing something I actually want to be at. I convinced him that the Barnard info sesh that goes into college admissions this Sunday will suffice for the scheduled Wheaton info sesh, and we can just go on a normal tour day. Hey, it’s a start :)</p>
<p>rainbowrose-Both you and your Dad should go with open minds as you listen to the marketing pitches of each school. Good to hear you two are compromising already. Selecting and applying to colleges is a long process, pick your battles wisely.</p>
<p>Personally I would take your parent’s advice and stay out of NYU.</p>
<p>NYU epitomizes the product that costs significantly more than its worth.</p>
<p>Sadly, most people only realize this after they have already enrolled at NYU and had a bit more experience.</p>