My Harvard Essay

<p>I wrote this on Living/Traveling experiences. Could you please give me feedback on it? Gracias, panitas. Much appreciated. Peace.</p>

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<p>My father has a government job in which we are constantly moving from country to country. I have never lived in my own country, India, for more than three years of my eighteen years of life. In fact, I was born in completely different continent, Africa, in the city of Khartoum, Sudan. There isn’t much I remember from the two years I was there, except for a few faint memories: the man my parents used to purchase groceries from; the shabby toy store down the street, where I once got lost because the power went out; and the small brown apartment in which we lived. After spending two years there, I was about to experience my first migration – to Brasilia, Brazil.</p>

<p>Most of my memories of Brasilia are connected to school, as it was the place I started school. In school, conversing with the local kids, I picked up a decent amount of Portuguese, which I used to make simple dialogue with the store clerks. However, the real fun of Brasilia was its atmosphere. Every Saturday, a beautiful parade consisting of samba dancers, street performers and floats would pass by my house. I don’t believe we missed a single Saturday of that amazing spectacle. Additionally, living in Brazil, it’s somewhat hard not becoming interested in one of their most famous arts, Capoeira. I remember going back to India and telling my friends there that I learned Capoeria for half a year, but they were dumbfounded as to what it was. I suppose there aren’t many Indian kids who grow up learning a Brazilian art. </p>

<p>I lived in Brazil for about three years until my father was transferred once again. This would be the first time I would get to see my home country. A strange, tingly feeling came over me imagining meeting my relatives for the first time. I would finally get to put a personality behind the faces I constantly saw in the photo albums my mother often showed me. I remember meeting my grandmother for the first time. She was as much in awe of meeting me as I was in meeting her. It was then I discovered a strange Indian obsession – feeding relatives as much as possible – because the first thing my grandmother did after meeting me was bring us inside to eat a grand dinner. I was having my grandmother’s cooking for the first time at the age of seven. Quite belated, if I do say so myself, but it was all worth it. Tasting real Indian chapatti with harri chutney (a sauce made of mint leaves) tingled my taste buds like nothing else. My first time in India passed smoothly, for all I did was go to school and come back. </p>

<p>My real life started when I moved to Houston, Texas at the age of nine. I arrived in America just as another other tourist would: surprised and awed by the tall sky scrapers. It was in Houston I first became aware of the world around me and made “real” friends, whom I keep in contact with even today. I went through every school level in Houston, from elementary school to high school. I feel so drawn to the American culture and feel that I will adapt well to it in college because most of my life was spent in America. It was in Houston that I built my “perfect” life, or at least what seemed like perfection at that point. My life in the latter part of my stay in Houston: two great friends, Robert and Frank; a beautiful girlfriend, Alma, whose name means ‘soul’; living in a nice home in the suburbs; going to a school, where I was doing well and was in the top of my classes; and lastly, living in a place I had spent most of my adolescence. So, it was obviously tough for me when I was uprooted from that well-establish life at an age where one hasn’t experienced any emotional pitfalls and all the storms of the world have been borne by the parents.</p>

<p>My moving back to New Delhi, a place I had lived only once – when I was in third grade, had adverse affects on my mentality. I never truly got to enrich myself in the beautiful culture India has to offer because I spent the majority of my time sulking in the memories of the friends I had left behind. My family’s situation quickly deteriorated because of my unhappiness. My father and mother constantly fought over petty things, as everyone was agitated and quickly became angry at the smallest thing. Even my ten year old brother, who was still quite clueless as to what was happening, sensed the uneasy atmosphere that was prominent in our home, and as a result, also became quite unhappy. I remember my father constantly fighting with his employers to somehow return to Houston, as he cared solely for my happiness and was even ready to quit his job because of it. Indeed, I should have felt guilty, but I was still immature and wasn’t grateful for all that he was doing. In this period, my mental and physical health declined, as well as my performance in school. In that light, it was a god-sent when my father finally received transfer orders to leave New Delhi and go to Caracas, Venezuela, where I reside as I write this.</p>

<p>The move to Venezuela was quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was taken away from the gloomy ambiance of my home in India and put into a culture riveted with energy. Just in the first month of living in Venezuela, I noticed the country’s care-free atmosphere. Every person I met was completely laid-back and happy. I have rarely met any Venezuelan that was at all feeling depressed. It is an amazing culture to live in. Living here, I have developed friendships that I know will last a life-time. I have made friends here, whom I consider my soul-mates. However, it was through my own independent self-awakening that I realized how immaturely I was behaving when in India. I didn’t use that insight to deride myself; I used it to make myself stronger and emerge a man, who would not be scared of any challenge that dared to face him. Now, I stand, equipped with the knowledge of four different cultures, four different languages – English, Hindi, Punjabi and Spanish – and experiences that only a few have been through; and ready to take the next step in my life – college.</p>

<p>The theme is good, but NOT focused. Try to narroe down your topic.</p>

<p>Which essay topic is this for, the common app one?</p>

<p>Nope. It's Harvard's supplemental essay. It says, "describe travel or living experiences"</p>

<p>how many words is that?? it seems like you're way over the limit. also, in the future I suggest sending the essay to interested readers by email. in my few months on cc, there have been a few instances of copying. in spite of this, good topic, but as kinetic said, it's not focused. good luck- it's already good, but you can make it better :)</p>

<p>wow man, that is a really long essay...</p>

<p>does anyone know what is the recommended length for the optional essay?</p>

<p>They don't say the recommended length for the optional essay, but I highly doubt they'd want it to be much longer than the common app one.</p>

<p>The essay is nearly 1100 words...yea, I'd say it's a little long. If you cut it shorter to about 600 words, you'll probably find that you've taken out much of the extraneous information and brought a much better focus to the essay.</p>

<p>Hahah True, true. All right, enough said -- I'll fix it up. And seriously - there have been instances of copying??</p>

<p>I'm sorry, but what does your essay TELL about you and what you stand for. Really, the adcom is going to get hundreds of travel essays, how does yours stand out from the rest? Was there anything SPECIFIC in your experiece? An instance where you found the ultimate in the mundane? That's what they want to see more of . . . (they will be bored with "I've been all over the world, so I know this and I've seen that" essays) The best thing you could is CUT out half of it, and do try to write about something really really meaningful and interesting to you . . . and more importantly, what you LEARNT from it. You want them to know the REAL you, what makes YOU tick---not the world! The adcom is as far from ignorace as you can get, they know all about the different cultures of the world, but are you really TELLING them about how YOUR THOUGHTS relate to those same cultures? didn't think so . . </p>

<p>Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh.</p>

<p>Just about the last sentence... on 4 languages.. didn't you speak Portuguese as well?</p>

<p>MzLover: I agree with what you said. As a whole, there was a very low introspection:description ratio...</p>

<p>since they didn't specify length on the supplemental essay, i would say it doesn't matter as long as it's well-written and fits on no more than two pages.</p>

<p>the style of your essay could be improved. maybe you could use more sentence variety, as you start a lot of them with "i". </p>

<p>and go for concision.</p>