My long essay... for you 2011ers

<p>Hey guys, I am a 2010er heading out to Stanford tomorrow ... just remembered about this board. I thought some of you might be curious about essays (I know I was!) so here is my long essay (i did the picture one). I don't think it was that great but I worked pretty hard on it and read it over like a billion times before sending it! </p>

<p>Essay 11a
I have never been to exotic lands. I’ve never slept alone in the wilderness, never saved a poor village from starvation, never stopped a terrorist bomb ala James Bond. My life is not very interesting. I spent most of my summer in sleepy suburban Vacaville, launching garbage into the atmosphere.</p>

<p>It’s hard to explain why I love shooting off 2-liter bottles filled with water. It’s not like robotics where, after weeks of design and hard work, I’ve finally gotten some algorithm to run, or a gearbox to function. Watching garbage turn into a rocket is a more spontaneous feeling.
I spent many sunny summer afternoons out in the park with my neighbors (4th graders) launching rockets. They would beg me: “Can I … Please…can I pull the string?” They ran great distances at very high speeds to retrieve the rocket, re-fill it with water and bring it back to me. Their enthusiasm reminded me of something, and gave me an idea. </p>

<p>In 5th grade, my class had made bottle rockets. I built a lifting body rocket, which could glide down. Instead of wings, which slow down rockets, it had a specially designed body that generated lift. I still remember the day I saw it come gliding back down. The feeling was amazing, to see that something you theorized could come true, that it was possible for a rocket to glide, that you had the power to create something unheard of. It was a new insight, and it all started with rockets. I owed my passion for creating things to rocketry. </p>

<p>Unfortunately our local school lacked fun science programs. As I walked back from the park that day I had an idea: I could teach how to build rockets. I put on a dress shirt and headed towards school, the students didn’t buy the teacher look but paid attention. The kids learned much better in context. I watched my students busily building rockets, discussing how they could utilize various pieces of recyclable waste to protect their “Eggstronauts” from the horrors of space. It reminded me of my own 5th grade days.</p>

<p>2 weeks later it was launch day. I placed the cardboard, tape and Styrofoam creation on to the launch pad. “Put it up to 60 PSI!”, yelled one of the kids. I grinned and continued pumping. Parents stood along the sidelines, cameras ready, waiting, wanting to see if their child’s rocket could take the Eggstronaut to outer space (and back). The kids clenched their fists in anticipation. The countdown began, “3…2…1…Blastoff!” I pulled the string.
The rocket fell to the ground, water spewed from the side of the cork as well as the inside of the air hose. It limped near the ground slowly leaking air, a poor dying creature. Examining the hose, there was a leak. I saw the parents waiting; I didn’t even want to look at the students. I ran home and got some tape; but still the hose hissed. Hoping (and praying) for the best I yanked the string anyways. Cheers erupted. Cameras flashed. In an explosion of water and mud a rocket finally took to the air.
8 launches later, the day ended. Mr.Iyer, the principal, thanked me. A parent walked up to me and thanked me, shook my hand. More parents thanked me; a student thanked me. That’s when I realized summer was ending. I was still in boring old Vacaville. I hadn’t gone to some 3rd world country or cool places with equally cool names like Mauritania or Nicaragua. A student asked if I had seen how his rocket spiraled like he had predicted, and I somehow lost track of that thought. </p>

<p>Summer is now over. I never made it to Mauritania. I didn’t save humanity or even cure cancer. But launching garbage into the atmosphere gave me one last idea. I started a team to enter a national rocketry contest. The rocket won’t be made of garbage; it will have onboard avionics, sensors and multiple stages. It may be fiberglass instead of plastic, but one thing is for sure: it’ll still take flight over the same sunny suburban Vacaville skies.</p>

<p>Would you please post your short essays as well?
It would be a great help.</p>

<p>This is an awesome essay! Thanks for the post. If you do not mind (and just so we 11ers will get some more info), what were you academic stats, etc?</p>

<p>I would... but I can't find them ! and i'm leaving for Stanford in like 30 min ... sorry.</p>

<p>Anyways my stats weren't really that "spectacular" :
3.9 ish GPA (3 Bs 10-12 grade) took all the APs offered except spanish
I was an EXTREME slacker(as in 60% in the homework category for most class) so i had almost all A-s a few As and no A+s ... although i don't think it matters
Secondly my freshmen 1st semester GPA was like 3.0 but luckily that didn't count either
5s on : APUSH, AP Calc AB, Micro/Macro Econ
4s on : English Lang
3 on : Chem (self study)</p>

<p>SATI : 800 M/ 710 V/670 W (best scores)
SAT II: 770 IIC, 730 Chemistry</p>

<p>so yeah ... scores weren't spectacular or anything
I think what really got me in were my Rec letters and essay.
I had a really awesome Rec letter from my robotics teacher that talked about me working with professional engineers and doing research and all that good stuff.</p>

<p>Well... i couldn't find my stanford short essays... but i found my UC ones which are basically the same ones shortened a little (and no roomate essay...darn that was my best one too lol)</p>

<p>Rationale: The University seeks to enroll students who take initiative in pursuing their education (for example, developing a special interest in science, language or the performing arts, or becoming involved in educational preparation programs, including summer enrichment programs, research or academic development programs such as EAOP, MESA, Puente, COSMOS or other similar programs). This question seeks to understand a student's motivation and dedication to learning.</p>

<p>Question: How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college? *
Academic Preparation<br>
I hear a loud groaning sound; suddenly a 6-foot
long metal arm flies upwards, accidentally piercing a hole into
the wall. Our teacher stares at us; gulping I turn
towards him. He yells, enthusiastically: “Guys,
did you see the power that thing had!”
It’s hard to be upset over things like walls, when
after 4 weeks our creation finally works. So many
late nights were spent going over calculations, 3D
modeling and CNC machining. We’re all glowing with
pride and excitement when the robot finally comes
to life. Its hard to describe the feeling, but
the 5 of us standing in that room on a late
Saturday night, we’ve been together with this
robot for up to 12 hours a day for several weeks.
When it works, we just look at each other and every
person is proud of the others. We’ve spent months
raising the twenty thousand needed to compete, weeks
designing and formulating, but none of it matters
at this moment. When I see that robot move and
think and manipulate objects, it’s unreal. I look
at myself and the others and stare in disbelief,
that we’ve done it, just me, 4 or 5 kids and a
physics teacher in a quaint suburban high-school. </p>

<p>Rationale: UC welcomes the contributions each student brings to the campus learning community. This question seeks to determine an applicant's academic or creative interests and potential to contribute to the vitality of the University.</p>

<p>Question: Tell us about a talent, experience, contribution or personal quality you will bring to the University of California. *</p>

<p>Personal Statement (part two)</p>

<p>Potential to Contribute<br>
I like to make octopuses talk. I like making them
stammer around drunk.
One time I even made one tap-dance. You may be
wondering how I persuaded a mollusk to do these
things. It’s really quite simple. I used 3dStudio
Max, a popular animation software used to make
movies like Shrek or Toy Story. 3D animation
has been a long time hobby. I love
animation because it’s the only medium that allows
me take the visions I have in my mind and bring
them to life. Making movies lets me explore so
many different fields. I get to write funny
stories and design characters. Modelling characters
and building sets lets out the artist in me. On
the technical side 3D animation brings together
almost every creative medium available on the
computer. A single short film requires
programming, 3D modeling, animation, 2d painting,
post-production effects, as well as video and
sound editing. By making movies, I get to explore
all of these aspects of computing,
but most importantly, I get to have some fun
bringing my visions to life. It takes a long time
to program a realistic skin shader or muscle
system. But trust
me, when you see that octopus bumbling around in a
drunken stupor, trying to get a girls phone
number, the laughs are worth it.</p>

<p>BTW the 1st one I used for the 1st short essay (the one about extra curriculurs or something like that) the second i used for intellectual interests essay</p>

<p>and yeah i know they don't use 3ds max to make shrek but the software is kind of along the same lines... i just used those as an example of CG movies</p>

<p>Do you live in Wilbur? (I think it was Otero, but possibly Okada, Jro, Rinc, or Soto) I think I helped move in a student named Salik.</p>

<p>thanks so much SalikSyed </p>

<p>really appreciate..
good luck on your life at Stanford</p>

<p>To the OP:</p>

<p>The essay is fine, but you emphasize (and open and close with) defensive remarks. It's OK to mention it in maybe one sentence, but you spent your summer honorably, and there's no reason to keep trying to point out to the reader that this is true despite whatever else they've read.</p>

<p>Oh... Right. I didn't read the OP well enough. Heh.</p>

<p>Still, those are the comments I would have given, were they asked for a year ago.</p>

<p>Thanks SalikSyed! I'll admit right now that I haven't read them, and don't plan to until all my essays are written as I have a tendency to lose my own voice in favor of another writer's immediately after reading someone's work, but I really appreciate your gesture. :] It'll be nice to have something realistic to compare to.</p>

<p>Just curious... which UCs did you get into?</p>

<p>Do you mind posting your Ec's?</p>

<p>marlgirl : Yeah that's me
ECs: nothing that special really... i was in robotics team, swim team, founded guitar club, couple of community service.
I think it was really my rec letter and essay that got me in.</p>

<p>wow it sounds like you're incredibly talented from your essay...
you're extraordinary abilites must have helped as well.. not many ppl can teach a rocket-engineering class</p>

<p>Nice essay. what was the question? 'cuz this years is the lame picture one, which im having some trouble coming up with something spectacular for. :(</p>

<p>devaaki, he says in his post that he used the picture one.</p>

<p>to the op: did you ever specifically describe a picture or did you send one with your application? because i really like the format of your essay, mine does something similar, but i was worried that not specifically stating the picture may be looked at as not following the prompt.</p>

<p>The prompt has changed from last year to this year. Before, it was required that you send in the actual picture along with the prompt. This year, however, I don't believe we're even ALLOWED to send in the picture.</p>

<p>devaaki - he said he did the picture one. I like the picture one - you can really take it anywhere.</p>