My mom has not let me do any EC's throughout high school. Will college admission teams understand?

Pre-College Topics High School Life
1

Please don’t attack me. I made a thread a couple years ago, when I was a freshman, regarding this exact topic. My situation did not improve one bit. I am now a Junior and I have nothing I can put down for EC’s.

Here is my situation— I live in a single parent household with a mother who constantly works all the time. I spend most of my days home alone-- no one has ever told me to shower, do laundry, make dinner, go to bed, study, and so on.I do it all myself. I used to do a lot more cleaning around the house, but my mom is a little bit of a control freak. In other words, I wasn’t folding towels the way she liked, or vacuuming the way she wanted to, so I am not allowed to do things like this anymore. I still will clean my bathroom and wash the kitchen counters.

Now let’s delve a little deeper into the control-freak nature… She will not let me drive a car, despite the fact that I am 17 years old. She does not trust me on the road with anyone and even refuses to teach me herself. She puts the responsibility of teaching me how to drive off on her father, yet he does not want to do this either. I am also not allowed to get a job because “I need to focus on school”. Whenever I try to take other routes to achieve my goals (such as doing jobs with family friends or having these same family friends teach me how to drive), she throws a fit and claims that I am trying to undermine her.

I have really struggled in my school socially. I don’t have any friends, so with this and the college resume looming over me, I wanted to try clubs. Whenever I try to explain my reasoning for going to a club, she just automatically shoots me down, yells at me, and claims that this is not her responsibility to drive me home. No matter how calm my disposition, or how logical I try to be (with statistics), she refuses to listen and begins yelling. When it comes to socializing, I feel as if I am on a different planet than my peers. The barriers between us are so strong, we can’t hold a non-academic conversation.

There is no public transportation where I live and none of my relatives live within a half hour of me. Any events in the area would require transportation, because nothing is within walking distance. I live in an apartment complex and the crowd here is pretty sketchy. My school is not in walking distance either, but my bus stop is (1 mile away).

I do not live in my school district. We are not poor, but our income just could not support a house there. I go there by school of choice.

Both my parents are alcoholics and my dad is a cocaine addict. My dad lives nearby, but he is on disability and is not far from veggie state.

I have tried online things like dosomething.org, but nothing has really caught my attention. No clubs at school meet during lunch and no club supervisor will allow me to do the work from home.

I am not in suicidal mode or any immediate distress, but I can’t say I am happy. Things have been much harder in the past, but I just learned not to care what drunken things my mom may say to me or when my dad threatens to call the cops on my voicemail. I’ve spent immense time in school counselors offices and in therapy, but none of them ever told me what would end up helping me.

If I lay low and stay quiet, things usually much easier. Everyday, I think about what life would be like living on my own. I look forward to the day when I am not ostracized by my kin for my “eccentric ways” and by my peers for being different. My main focus right now is to pave a path out of this house. It is pretty boring and miserable, but it has made a large impact on who I am today.

I live in Michigan and my GPA is a 3.8.

I want to study Molecular Biology. I want to stay in the mid-west so that I can save some money.

Schools I am considering: University of Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, and Indiana University Bloomington.

Would colleges understand if I wrote an essay that spoke of how this all impacted me as a person instead of about how some club taught me leadership?

2

If it were me, then I would understand. Given your situation you have done VERY well and I think that universities will see this. To me overcoming this sort of hardship and being able to keep good grades and keep sight of where you want to go in the future is more impressive than being on the high school chess club or running track. It speaks of the ability to overcome hardship and do well, which is a lot of what university and life are about.

Try to be positive in your essay. When done you should probably get an adult that you trust (such as a high school guidance counselor) to review it.

It may take a while, but things WILL get better. Once you are in university you will meet people like you. It sounds to me that you will do very well, but it is not an easy path in the short term.

Can you talk to someone that you trust at your school, such as a guidance counselor?

3

oops, ignore my last question above. I see that you do speak with your guidance counselor. The rest still applies. Things will (eventually) get better, and to me under these circumstances you have done very impressively well.

4

Unless your mom can pay out of state tuition, you will likely find Ohio State or Indiana too expensive. As mentioned above, ask your guidance counselor to talk about your EC situation in their recommendation.

5

The MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do is work very very hard every day through Khan Academy and get the highest possible sat scores. Try the act too. You need a full ride or your mother will try to control you through college money. So, you need to take those tests this spring, subject tests in your best subjects in June, and be 100% ready then. Be methodical. Use the ‘xiggi and silverturtle’ method (see test forum). Ultimately what matters more for college admissions, more than clubs , is course rigor, grades, and test scores.
Test scores can get you a full ride somewhere.
What classes have you taken so far in
English
Math
Social science
Sxience
Foreign language
Personal interest
(add clzss you hope to take senior year)

Yes absolutely in your essay speak about your upbringing. There are plenty of good essay readers on college confidential so ask for help in the 'essay’s forum (do not post your essay online.)

Two ec’s you can do at home:

  • learn coding.
  • learn cooking.
    :slight_smile:
    Add ‘household/family obligations’ to your list - yes it’s an official ec on common app.
6

Public universities tend to focus more on GPA and test scores and less on ECs than private schools do, particularly if they are at a level below the state flagship. I have seen reports here on CC of students getting very good merit-based offers from Michigan State. I also would consider applying to lower ranked Michigan campuses as well to maximize your chances of merit scholarships.

I agree 100% with @MYOS1634 about preparing for standardized tests. Do well and they can be your ticket out.

From what you say about your family background, I would pursue a merit scholarship-based strategy, preferably at schools that don’t require financial aid forms for merit consideration or those that only require the FAFSA and not the CSS profile. It sounds like your parents are separated. Do you really want to be in the position of getting them to cooperate over filling out financial aid forms every year? Do you want them to continue to have power over you by threatening to withdraw financial support?

FWIW, after I went to college my freshman year, I never lived at home again. I got part time and summer jobs and sublet apartments during the summer months. It was easier 30 years ago because college was much less expensive. However, if you can get full tuition or more someplace, you can make that happen too, although you might have to take out some student loans to do it. You will need to complete the FAFSA to be eligible for federal student loans.

When you have test scores, report back here and people will help you to find places where your chances of merit aid are highest. Did you take the PSAT this year? Are you potentially in the running for National Merit consideration?

Best of luck to you! While I’m sure it feels like an eternity until you are done with high school, it is finite. Hang in there.

7

Is there a chance that you qualify for Questbridge college prep scholars? The upper income limit is 65000 for a family of 4. Their application would give you the space to talk about your family situation. The application is due March 22nd. If you don’t have much contact with your dad or if it isn’t safe for you to ask him, they wouldn’t require you to include him on your income. Their application is extremely holistic.

You could also get a free college mentor through Matriculate if you make less than 80000. They are typically college students and you meet online to plan for college apps next year.

A big tip for college essays is to talk about how you overcame obstacles instead of just the obstacle itself. Look through the Questbridge website for and read through all of the student resource center. I can help edit your essays for QuestBridge(I’m applying too!). Just message me. I really think applying would be to your advantage.

8

@MYOS1634

English- English 9 (No honors offered), Honors American Literature, 11th- Honors World Literature

Math- Honors Algebra 1, Honors Geometry, Honors Algebra 2, 11th- Precalc

Social science- Civics/Economics, US History, Michigan History, Psychology, Sociology, 11th- Genocide and AP World History

Science- Biology 1 (No honors offered), Honors Chemistry, Human Biology, Health, Health and Medicine, 11th- AP Biology, Honors Physics, and Astrophysics

Foreign language- Spanish 1, Spanish 2, Spanish 3, 11th- Spanish 4

Personal interest: Researching diseases online, boating, music, swimming, and going to beaches/parks.

Senior year: AP Physics C, AP Calculus BC, AP Spanish Language, (I don’t know what to take for my 4th AP), Medical Innovations, English Literature, and IS Sustainability Action (running the school recycling).

Thank you for all of the additional information and suggestions! They were helpful.

@mamaedefamilia

The thing with Financial Aid is that it would be very minimal anyway. I have filled out FASFA calculators based on my mom’s information and apparently she makes too much for us to receive much of any assistance. She makes around $50,000 after taxes. I asked someone in counseling about this when I was at school and they told me that the calculation wasn’t unrealistic. Merit based scholarships would be my only hope if I even want anything. My counselor knows a little bit about my situation, and told me that I still have to do FASFA. Do I need to have both of my parents fill out my FASFA forms? She throws fits every-time someone even says my dad’s name. My dad isn’t much better when it comes to my mom. They haven’t seen or spoke to each other in about 5 years. The only way I could get them both to do it is if I made her sit down and fill it out and then I sneak out, walk to my dad’s, and have him fill it out.

My PSAT scores make no sense. My school gave us an official one in 10th grade and I completely bombed it (980). That was April 2016. In the fall, we got another one and I got a 1180. I don’t know how I went up 200 points, I was pretty fresh off of summer vacation. I’ll try my best to keep that trend up, a 1380 could equate to a full ride at Eastern Michigan or Central. So I am obviously not a national merit.

I take the SAT on April 11th. I will report back in the summer when I am doing apps. I really want to do Lyman Briggs at MSU, so I want to apply ASAP there.

9

It doesn’t sound like you don’t have much support at home. See how you do on the SAT. Also try the ACT. Then come back and we can find you schools that may offer full rides or generous scholarships for your stats. I don’t know that you will get much financial support from your parents. Questbridge is a great idea. Posse also offers scholarships.

Don’t worry too much about the ECs. I think your story will find sympathy with adcoms.

You are 17 and bright. You won’t have to stay around long in that household. Have your parents indicated that they will contribute toward college? I think you need to ask because it would definitely change your strategy if they don’t plan to. You’d hate to find that out in May of senior year.

10

@eyeofthestorm1 You should fill out the FAFSA because it’s the basis upon which you will be able to qualify for a federal student loan, and perhaps work-study. You may need this if your mother ends up not contributing to your college costs, or not contributing enough.

I am not sure what the role of the non-custodial parent is on the FAFSA, but others on this forum are better informed on this question and may chime in. Your guidance counselor should be able to help you. I do know that the CSS Profile (required by many private schools) takes the non-custodial parent’s financial situation into account in most instances.

11

Could that last class about school recycling be considered an EC?

12

@JadeRock My odds of getting that class are pretty small.

Usually only about 12 people get it each year, but its my Physics teacher who runs it. He suggested it for me since the recycling is pretty fast and then I can work on AP Physics work in my spare time. He also said that AP Physics kids will have precedence, but he can’t make any promises. I’ll have to ask him if I could put it on my resume. Earth Science is my alternate choice.

13

Not on topic, but you might gain a lot of empathy and encouragement from this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Hillbilly-Elegy-Memoir-Family-Culture/dp/0062300547

You seem like a kid who will break the cycle. Best of luck to you.

14

Definitely fill out the FASFA! A total family income of $50,000.00 will likely qualify you for aid. Also as others have suggested look into Questbridge, seek out the help of your guidance counselor if needed. Colleges read letters of recommendations, make sure you have strong recommenders who can perhaps speak to the limitations you have in participating in ECs. You are right on with the essays. You will have an opportunuty to share your situation. However, let it speak to how it has made you stronger and that circumstances do not define who you are. Take the ACT too. I took it 3 times and finally achieved a 33. I also took the SAT 2 times and reached a 1500. Try to take that more than once. IU is not inexpensive, 48k a year. However, they do award merit aid. I do not qualify for federal aid but did get 16k a year in scholarships from IU. Good luck to you! @eyeofthestorm1

15

Also, apply to the 100% needs met schools. I am a single parent making 2x your mother’s income and, while my D doesnt qualify for FAFSA assistance, her school met 100% above EFC which is totally doable. She will be going to a 63k school and I’m paying the same as I do for her to go to HS

16

The 100% need schools like Williams, Pomona, Vassar, Skidmore, Haverford, Grinnell, Macalester , plus Yale etc and the women 's colleges if you’re a girl. Look into them, run the NPC. Their definition of ‘needy’ is different from most people’s because they have such a large endowment and so many wealthy alumni. So, 75k income means no family contribution (also known as a full ride). Up to 125k you basically get a full tuition scholarship.
So, run the NPC’s .

17

I apologize if you touched on this and I missed it. Are there any community based activities you can participate in? I also agree with MYOS1634. Look at some of the small selective liberal arts colleges. They have very large endowments and it will cost you considerably less to attend one of them than a state school. Also look at Hamilton, Colby, Oberlin and Kenyon. If you are a girl add Smith, Wellesley, Mt Holyoke, and Bryn Mawr to your list. I know these are not all in the Midwest, but I am not sure it would be such a bad idea for you to consider these schools. The key is to make sure you gain acceptance to a good school generous with financial aid so that you can afford to get an education. Don’t mint yourself to only what is available in the Midwest. This is too important.

18

This list of colleges that meet full need includes the colleges mentioned by @MYOS1634 and @akin67.

19

Regarding the FAFSA: it only uses your custodial parent’s information (iirc) so you would not have to antagonize your Mom about your father’s information. If you apply to a school like the ones @MYOS1634 suggested, then you will submit a secondary set of information to these colleges called the CSS Profile. The Profile requires your father’s information but the good news for you is that your mother won’t need to be involved. Your father uploads his information separately and neither parent can see what the other submitted.

20

One EC that you could do at home, if you are interested, is some kind of science project. best would be something observational, so you wouldn’t need animals or plants sitting around the house in jars or tubes. There are some great projects you can do with basically no resources, if you have time and access to the outdoors…
For example, you could participate in making observations for one of CU’s citizen science projects and then analyze your own data from a bird feeder in your yard: http://feederwatch.org/

good luck to you , it sounds like you have a challenging situation.