I wrote my college essay about my OCD and how it started and the essay paints my parents in a negative light because I write about how they won’t let me see someone (which is true). My college counselor loves it and thinks it needs a few more sentences. My AP language and composition teacher said it was beautifully written and refreshing. And my AP literature teacher also loves it. My mom read it and she said that she hates and I should rewrite it or write about something else. And that it is not college appropriate and it needs to sound smarter. I had a line in there that said “my dad doesn’t understand. He never understands” and my mom doesn’t think a college should read that and I should take it out. I personally love my essay. But no one in my family likes it. What do I do?
Why’d you show it to your mom? She’s not the audience for this.
Your issue does not really have to do with your college essay. It has to do with your feelings about your parents’ reactions to your struggles. Have a heart to heart conversation with your parents about how you are feeling. Maybe your counselor can help you prepare for your conversation. You chose to confront your parents by showing them your essay that criticizes them. Having a conversation will be more effective.
Afterwards, I bet you can adjust the essay to remove a few lines and be less hurtful to your parents, while still retaining the characteristics that so impressed your teachers.
Uh… how about as a courtesy, since she’s probably paying for college?
It’s odd to read about yourself. My daughter wrote about her little brother having autism and the journey our family had taken, it was uncomfortable to read about those events from her perspective. Cut your mom some slack, but no, don’t rewrite the essay if qualified professionals think it’s good.
Firstly, you need to be sure that your mother isn’t right. Writing about mental illness can be tricky, and it isn’t always appropriate. Remember, the goal of the college essay is not just to be candid; it’s not a diary. The goal is to highlight your best qualities and show admissions officers why you would be an asset to their campus community. Ask your reviewers what they think the essay implies about who you are. If it doesn’t line up to what you’re trying to convey, then it’s ineffective.
If you’re sure that it gets the intended message across, then you have a few options. If you love your parents and value their opinions (it seems like this is the case since this is giving you pause), compromise and remove the offensive lines. If you don’t care what they think, just ignore them and submit it anyway. If you have to, write another essay (maybe for a supplement prompt) and then submit the original one without telling them. I don’t necessarily endorse this option, but I did do this back when I was applying because I had multiple potential essays and some people were pressuring me to choose a certain one, whereas I felt inclined to choose another.
But as others have said, it seems like your goal in showing your mother the essay was that she would finally listen and “understand” what you’re experiencing. Now you have the opportunity to have a conversation with them.
I’m not sure of the exact root of your parents’ refusing to let you see someone (denying responsibility, not believing that therapy is effective, misconceptions about OCD, attributing it to teen drama or rebellion, etc.). But I know it can be hard to get parents to understand the seriousness of mental health issues. Getting them to accept that you have OCD might take time. At least try to show them that regardless of what you actually have, you’re experiencing a lot of stress, anxiety, depression, etc. Maybe you’re struggling with your schoolwork or finding it hard to function. Seeing a psychologist would help your quality of life in general. Also, if they think nothing’s wrong with you, a psychologist could confirm that.
Why would you expect your mother to like an essay that criticizes her? Why would you expect her to be a fair, objective, reasonable judge of an essay that is in part about her?
I do think a line like “My dad doesn’t understand. He never understands” has a high risk of coming across as “typical teenager”-ish. I do not think it is unreasonable for you to feel that way or to describe the situation that way, given that he is denying you medical treatment, and I’m very sorry that your parents are doing that to you. But the way you’ve worded this line could distract from or undermine the legitimacy and seriousness of your predicament.
We need to be careful giving advice about those sentences without reading the whole essay–there is some context missing. A lot of adcoms say they can tell the difference between a student’s essay and a parents or over-edited essay. Maybe those lines are essential, maybe they’re not. In my opinion, this isn’t about the essay as much as the mother’s feelings (about what she read/how it made her feel) and her opinion on what you should write (there is a reason adcoms/counselors caution about parents and essays). My advice is to make sure your essay doesn’t raise a red flag to schools. Tricky subject. My other advice is to address your mother’s feelings and advice separately.
I read my son’s essay–considered it a good idea because I write in my profession. He also made a sentence about us that could be interpreted negatively, but I left it in there.
The phrase My dad never understands sounds a little immature. I hear the intent behind it though, and your words are important. How about (active voice) I feel frustration when my parents don’t embrace my quirkiness.