<p>Dear Parents,
I just posted a similar thread in the College Admissions forum, but I truly wanted a parent's perspective regarding this issue. I'm sure someone has already asked this question million times in this forum, but it'd be great if you could just donate your quick opinions, comments once again!
These days I'm becoming VERY VERY MAD/ REGRETFUL at the fact that my parents decided to send me to a prep boarding school instead of a good public school in my town. I'm sure I'm being very immature about this, but still I'd just like some perspectives. There's no doubt that my high school provides the most rigorous education that's supposed to prepare me for college(hence the name, prep school.) But I'm truly doubting whether this was the best decision for me when it comes to college admission.
It's sooooooooo hard to do well!!! I work really hard, much harder than my friends who attend easier public schools, and still receive mediocre Bs and Cs. My C's are so skewed, because for each AP subject which my teachers gave me C, I nailed 5's on the exam. My GPA is totally low because of this, and I imagine this is a smart school altogether, because we all had to "be accepted" to go here in the first place, so ranking doesn't help at all. You know, regardless of what "well-respected" secondary school I go to, admission officers will always look for the higher grades, and I feel a little upset about this.</p>
<p>I mean, I'm just afraid that my parents' $80,000 for each year had been totally wasted. I feel REALLY, REALLY bad. Like, why did they have to pay all that, which I don't think is that low amount of $$$, so I can do "mediocre" instead of "stellar"?
If you had the option, where would YOU send your kids? To an easy public school so that he/she can easily get As or the similar school I went to where Bs are supposed to be satisfactory?
It just kind of sucks, because say.... the college I want to go to does not know my school's reputation. It thinks my school is a normal private high school. Okay, they are gonna see Cs and Bs and REJECT ME. Even if they see my test scores or AP exam scores, they're gonna be like "this kid slacked off during class."
I just feel really really bad about my parents wasting money, because they thought going to a prep school was gonna send me to a good college, but now it doesn't seem so much like it anymore.</p>
<p>High school is your preparation for college, and it seems to me that you are going to be VERY prepared. I don't believe in going to the best school to get you into college, but rather going to a high school that will give you a good education, a well rounded experience and good preparation for doing the work in college. For my kids, the local public school will do just fine, because it has a wonderful reputation and is not easy. For someone else the best place might be private school. I wouldn't worry about the colleges not realizing your school is difficult - that will be obvious from your school profile that will be sent along with your transcripts. If you truly did your best in high school, don't worry about your parents having spent the money and whether it was worth it - it was their choice and if you made the very best of it, that's all you could do.</p>
<p>I'm a little confused. The only schools I've seen that charge anywhere near $80K are the elite Swiss schools and colleges have certainly heard of them. Is there really a highly rigorous school costing big dollars that colleges do not know of?</p>
<p>Many, many kids attending privates of all sorts, day and boarding, face what you do as do kids from top public and magnet schools. All of you have been the very fortunate benefactors of excellent educations and will benefit in many ways. </p>
<p>I do agree that top private schools can make it harder to get into very top colleges because of the legacies you compete with more than anything, but colleges do recognize what it takes to do well at these schools which makes it easier (grade wise) to get into most.</p>
<p>Have you looked at your school's matriculation data? The bottom quarter of my son's highly commpetitive private school class went to schools ranked between 15-30 last year.</p>
<p>Can you look at your school's website and find out how many students go to good colleges (on their Naviance site)? Maybe your GPA is OK for your school.</p>
<p>It does sound unfair that you have learned the material well enough to get 5s on your AP tests, yet get C's in the classes. If you do all your homework, and the teacher is just making the tests too hard, that does sound rotten. </p>
<p>Yet, you will be sooo well prepared for the college you do go to. Other students will be way behind you, so then you will have the opportunity to be at the top of the class, and win the awards.</p>
<p>Most schools, both public and private, have some inane policies which affect students dramatically. My condolences to you.</p>
<p>How or why is it $80k per year? You got me curious- and a quick google took me to Forbes' 2006 article on "Most Expensive Prep Schools" and none surpassed $30k (and the article stated one pays about $10k more per year for boarding). So what's up?</p>
<p>Ah okay I also found in Dec 07 that Forbes did an article on most expensive European boarding schools (this intrigues me). Two in Switzerland are in the 70k range. But then the next highest drops down dramatically to the $50k range (e.g. $54k for Eton in the UK)</p>
<p>To the extent it helps you, my kids attended an uber-competitive private school. They both did OK but were in the middle or lower rank of their class because of how competitive it was, even tho my S was a NMF. He was given conflicting advice about college apps--one counselor said he would have to scale back his expectations because his grades were As, Bs & Cs while many of his classmates got all or nearly all As. He took more APs than most of his peers & got 5s in everything (except 1 or 2 "4s"). He got into many excellent schools, several with generous merit aid packages & is thriving in college, which he says is significantly easier than HS (only started learning new matierial in his 3rd semester of college).</p>
<p>I guess I'm saying, take heart & keep doing your best. Things do have a way of working out & you will be well prepared for college level work.</p>
<p>The $80K is the total for 4 years, right? D (now in college) & S (current senior) attended private schools. We didn't send them there just so they could get good grades, or even just so they could slide into top colleges. We sent them because it was the best learning environment for them. Smaller classes, with more individualized attention. And yes, they may well have ended up with higher GPAs if they had attended public HS. But, I do know that D was extremely well prepared when she went to college. She said many, many students were complaining freshman year about how hard they had to work; they'd "never had to work this hard in HS." D responded. "Are you kidding me? I spent the last 4 years working this hard!"</p>
<p>I agree with the other parents above-- We sent our kids to private school (though also gave them choices to go to public at any point if they preferred). We feel the investment in their education was worth it. Prepared them well for college, and helped mold them (IMO) into great kids. I've seen many kids do really well grade-wise in public HS but then crash and burn in college because they didnt have good study skills, didnt know how to write well or research well, and werent really prepared academically or socially for the demands of college. You should be thankful. Consider yourself the middle of the top rather than perhaps you might have been the top of the middle in public school.
And was that "C" in a math class, perhaps? :) (jk)</p>
<p>Also, if the student does thrive at the private school AND makes the top grades, the merit money at college can more than offset the cost to the parents of the private school.</p>
<p>It is always a risk when you make a decision as to where your child goes to high school. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. I know many kids who were valedictorian or sals, waaay up there in class rank at mediocre/good high schools, with good test scores , good everything that did not get into the top ivies. I know they would have been sure shots if they had been able to get into the 10% of a top private school for grades, given their other attributes. </p>
<p>I also wouldn't bet a dime that you would be a top student at at top public high school. Or even a good public high school. Whole different story a lot of times. I have seen kids leave private schools and do just about the same or just marginally better at the so called easier school. </p>
<p>I can tell you that my son got into an ivy with a 3.0 average from a rigorous prep which would be unheard of from most public schools. He took the most difficult courses offered at a very difficult school, and that was recognized. However, it always is not. I know kids going to Penn and Brown who were not in the top 10% of the class, but in the bottom of the first quintile or top of the second. That would not happen if they were going to most public schools.</p>
<p>The reason most parents are willing to pay the premium for a private highschool is not so their kids could get better grades. All sorts of other things go into the thinking. A better environment, more opportunities, more personal attention, better preparation. I don't know if we did the right thing, all things considered, but I am sure that my sons would not be have been as well educated at our excellent public school. The writing instruction at their prep school alone is just off the charts. I've yet to see any public school program that can touch it. My boys were hard cases when it came to writing, but danged if they were not taught to write at a college level, something that has been a real boon for them now. </p>
<p>I don't know about saving any money going the private school route, 07DAD. It seems to me that most kids with the top grades at the private schools go to schools that don't give merit money. I don't think it would have made much difference in terms of merit money offered for my kids, and even if they took their best merit offers from college, the high cost of their highschool would still overwhelm any savings. I paid college prices for them to go to high school, private college prices.</p>
<p>To clarify the cost issue, the US boarding schools cost about $40K/yr, so the OP's parents have invested greatly.</p>
<p>I don't think the OP's feelings are unusual. Many of my kid's friends had a few hard moments as they began to fully understand how private schools effect college admissions. Years ago all grads of these schools automatically were accepted at ivies, and many families believe that is still the case.</p>
<p>It all works out, the investment and hard work these schools require pay off in many ways not yet apparent to teens.</p>
<p>You are right, Hmom. And it is not just the kids who get disappointed. Many parents still think that some of these schools have an automatic pathway to top colleges.</p>
<p>Elite New England boarding schools run about $52,000 per year when adding modest amounts for personal expenses, books & travel to the required tuition, fees, room & board. Many spend about $60,000 for the 9 month academic school year.</p>
<p>Depends on your parents' motivations. The tippy-top private high schools in my area run $30k+ a year, and yes, many parents are paying that to get access to a counseling staff that has direct contacts in elite adcom offices. In that case, caveat emptor. The parent is supposed to be the one to figure out if the possible gain in college admissions statistics is worth paying the high price tag. </p>
<p>My older daughter, who is still in high school, went through a similar dilemma in 8th grade. She could have stayed at her old (public) high school, where she'd have pretty much coasted to being top of her class, or switched to her new (public) school, where she is just one of the crowd of a group of very, very smart kids. When she was deciding, we talked about what this might mean for her in terms of college admissions. Her GPA was going to take a hit, her class rank would take a hit, and her teacher recs might not be as enthused. In the end, she decided to go to the far more rigorous school. She says that it was the right decision. She's far happier. She is with like-minded people who find interest in discussing politics and literature. From being a championship procrastinator, she's acquired good work habits. Her writing has improved dramatically, as has her knowledge of the world. Wherever she ends up for college, she'll be far better prepared than if she'd stayed at the old school. All of the alumni come back and say that either college is easier than high school, or that college is as hard as high school but they're far far better prepared than all of their college classmates.</p>
<p>Thing is, even with straight A's, getting into whatever college would still be a crapshoot. What if she'd stayed at her old school and been miserable for four years with the consolation that at the end she'd be rewarded with an acceptance letter from Reach U....and she didn't get in? </p>
<p>I read something here on CC where a parent commented that the reason people want to go to prestigious colleges is for the connections you make, for hanging out with people who one day will be doing ground-breaking research or creating new companies or hearing Supreme Court cases. This parent commented that some high school kids at prestigious/selective high schools get to make those connections in high school. So enjoy where you are now!</p>
<p>As the parent of a boarding school student whose grades are not as high as they would have been at her local public high school, I will tell you that I have no regrets with the placement of her in that boarding school. </p>
<p>And while you may not believe that your target schools are unaware of the rigor of your boarding school's curriculum and their grading policies, a reputable boarding school will infact provide that information usually including grade distributions, where you rank in your class and where previous class matriculations. Combined with your admittedly high AP scores will leave little doubt as to your preparedness to attend. The only thing they would have to consider at this point is your teacher recommendations and if you truly have been working hard (as you mentioned), this will come through.</p>
<p>Comparing this to your local public high school where they don't necessarily have the academic reporting systems to give the level of detail in the transcript about the rigor of the courses. With the student body being a mixed group of students with different academic profiles, making a call on a student is not done with the degree of certainty that your prep school student.</p>
<p>And while I guess that sending my D to a prep/boarding school may have hurt her Academic Index rating for Ivy athletic admissions, in reality my I don't see that as a match for her. No loss in my mind.</p>
<p>And I think the most important thing about your boarding school experience that you are missing is the rest of the experience (outside of the classroom). There is no doubt in my mind that my D will be better prepared for the life experience of living at college when she completes her 4 years at her boarding school. There are so many things that she negotiates on a daily basis (and I'm sure that you do too) that public high school students don't deal with until they show up on college campus for their freshman year. And if you read most CC stories about students who struggle at college, it is not because of the academics (schools are good about weeding out the ones who can't handle it), it is because they don't deal effectively with the non-academic part of college. Being away from home, starting over with a whole new peer group, dealing with roommates, managing your own time, etc. These are things that you probably now take as easy that you've done them where you are. Boarding schools engineer an environment where you can successfully negotiate these new experiences and master them often without your being aware of how difficult they can be.</p>
<p>My bottom line message is to work hard, talk frankly with and listen to your college advisors, and you will come up with an application strategy that will get you into the best school that you can succeed at. You are going to be all right and your parents are probably too! I'm sure they've seen your grades and since you haven't mentioned that they are all over you about them, I'm sure that they will accept your matriculation options.</p>