My Professor Hates Me!

<p>I sent my former (favorite) professor an email about my current class schedule. I sent it about 4:30am (I know, couldn't sleep) and I was very overemotional in it. </p>

<p>Yesterday, I stopped by his office, and he was busy with midterms. But he told me to come in anyways. Basically, although I wanted to chat, it turned out that I was just creating topics for the sake of keeping a conversation and he just sat there just looking at me. I ended up leaving the room looking dumber than I originally intended to say. </p>

<p>He has so far not responded. I even saw him today, and he was actually very distant around me, as if he didn't even want to say "hello" and clearly turned around the corner away from me. </p>

<p>I feel psychologically traumatized now. I have done something very horrible. I want to cry now...</p>

<p>As in he is in the department of your major? As in he is also an advisor? Who cares what you said or how you said it......you are a student, younger, less experienced. He is older and in a position of authority. Whether you feel personally embarassed is your own issue. I can understand but it is not the end of the world and why would any faculty member generate "hatred" for you? That is giving way to much powerful emotion to a situation. Stop worrying for nothing. This happens all the time. Unless you stripped your clothes off and propositioned him forget it.</p>

<p>Don't make too much of his not wanting to engage right now - he probably is very busy with midterms and doesn't feel he has time to properly devote to unrelated conversation. You have not done anything "horrible" and next week he won't even remember what happened.
I think you need to get some rest - 4:30 emails???- have a good meal, and get to work studying for your midterms. It will be O.K.</p>

<p>I am done with midterms. I'm not in any of his courses. Yes, he's a professor in my department major. So whatever I said has no effect on me 'grade-wise.' I could not sleep (it's a long story) and just woke up and sent the email at 4:30am lol. However, I do count on him when I need letters of recs..... :(</p>

<p>I wouldn't worry too much about it. </p>

<p>I've found that professors can be socially flaky -- often they're worried about grants, research, publications, blah blah, and sometimes they're just not up for socializing.</p>

<p>My research supervisor/academic advisor only seems to notice that I'm around every month or so; that's just the way he is, and I've learned that it's better to talk to him on his terms than deal with him being spacey if I talk to him when his mind is elsewhere.</p>

<p>"I sent my former (favorite) professor an email about my current class schedule. I sent it about 4:30am (I know, couldn't sleep) and I was very overemotional in it. "</p>

<p>Profs are not your chums or your parents. If you're upset about something and it's 4:30 a.m., e-mail a friend or your mom. Don't send an overwrought e-mail to a prof. E-mailing a prof is like sending something to one's boss: Be professional. Don't waste their time by venting to them. </p>

<p>"Yesterday, I stopped by his office, and he was busy with midterms. But he told me to come in anyways. Basically, although I wanted to chat"</p>

<p>How would you feel if your prof decided to drop by to chat when you were studing for midterms? Bet you wouldn't be very happy. That's the same kind of thing that you did to your prof.</p>

<p>If you have some free time, don't just stop by to chat with a prof, particularly if it's their busy time. Trust me: Grading midterms takes lots of time and is virtually as stressful for profs as studying for them is for students.</p>

<p>When you go to profs' offices, have a real purpose in mind -- one that you can't get any other way. For example, don't stop by to ask a prof some question that you can easily get from another source. When you stop by to talk, be about serious business, and make sure that you're not interrupting something important. Doing otherwise seems ditzy and inconsiderate.</p>

<p>Don't bother to keep fretting over what happened. If you don't repeat what you did, the prof likely will forget it. Just learn from this experience.</p>

<p>um...</p>

<p>how is grading a midterm as stressful as studying for one?</p>

<p>Oh lets see now......gotta be fair, reading over same boring material for the 10th year now, recognition of the grading curve before you start grading......rather be out playing golf & drinking beer.....thats pretty stressful.</p>

<p>Well, I sent him an email apologizing and explaining what I really wanted to say. I'm assuming he's still grading midterms, since he has not bother to reply back. I feel really bad now. :(</p>

<p>I am thinking you like feeling badly and your impulsivity feeds it very well. Have you considered that you have had other issues of this type before??? I would look internally about now.......wonder why I did these type of things. What are you getting outta feeling badly?? People don't do behaviours that don't give a payout.</p>

<p>why are you exacerbating this situation???????</p>

<p>"how is grading a midterm as stressful as studying for one?"</p>

<p>If you are serious about being a good prof, you want to grade fairly, so you give careful consideration to your grading criteria. You also want to make sure that you have given a fair test and have given students the opportunity to learn the material they are tested on.</p>

<p>You also want to turn the tests around quickly so that students can drop the course if they aren't doing well and also can get feedback on what they need to improve in time to do better on the rest of the course. In addition, you may have to create new tests for students who missed the other mideterms due to emergencies. </p>

<p>In addition, as an adult, one is dealing with the usual problems involving one's tenure application and/or one's spouse, kids, grant applications, household problems, problems with health, ailing parents, etc. It's virtually only most college students who only have to worry about themselves when it comes to stressful situations.</p>

<p>The stress of college is nothing compared to the stress of being a grownup holding a job and maintaining a family.</p>

<p>Every good prof whom I know is very stressed during midterms and finals. Perhaps the mediocre profs who are selfish aren't stressed, but the ones who care about their students are. The profs want to be effective teachers and they want to be fair to their students.</p>

<p>Another thing I think might be important to think about is your gender. I'm pretty sure it isn't in this thread, so I don't kno if your female or male, but if your female and its a male teacher, maybe they don't want to comment on or become involved in your personal life for fear that it would be misconstrued as unapropriat or beyond the student teacher relationship (and I think 4:30am emails about personal matters to a teacher you no longer have is a bit beyond the prescribed studen teacher relationship). Just a thought...</p>

<p>Well, it wasn't a personal email. It was more about a class I'm currently taking that is related to a class I took under his instruction last year. They are very similar, and his material is helping me to do well.</p>

<p>What exactly did you say in the email?</p>

<p>I described the material in my course, how it related to a previous course of his, and I apologized for my rude behavior in the end....</p>

<p>
[quote]
If you have some free time, don't just stop by to chat with a prof, particularly if it's their busy time.

[/quote]
While this advice is 100% on target if the prof is busy, don't some of them WANT students to come by to talk? The book "Tuesdays With Morrie" comes to mind here.</p>

<p>"don't some of them WANT students to come by to talk? "</p>

<p>Certainly professors who like teaching (and not every prof does. Some view having students as a necessary evil that allows the profs to pursue their real lives -- research) enjoy talking with students.</p>

<p>However, I think it's important for students not to waste professors time by dropping by just for idle chatter while the student, for example, fills time between classes.</p>

<p>A prof is not a chum, a peer, an ever ready ear to listen to one's drivel. If one is simply lonely or has time to fill, call Mom, stop by the student union or go to the library and study.</p>

<p>It's important to realize that when the professor is in his/her office, they are at work. Just as if one has idle time on the job, one wouldn't just stop by one's boss to chit chat, the same thing goes for using professors' office hours.</p>

<p>When one stops by, have a plan and a point. Fine to follow up on points in the prof's lecture, thoughts on a book related to the prof's field, fine to stop by and get career advice (particularly if one has done some preliminary work finding out info. Just moaning, "What should I doooo for a job?" is passive, lazy and irritating). </p>

<p>Remember that professors can be wonderful references that one can use when applying to jobs and grad school. Consequently, one wants to show them one's best side by being thoughtful and considerate. Don't use a profs' office hours to talk about one's romance problems, roommate problems or gee should you bother to get a flu shot or not.</p>

<p>When I taught college, I thorougly enjoyed it when students used my office hours to talk about my classes or to get career information related to the classes. </p>

<p>There was, however, a student whom I wished would stop dropping by. She simply wasted my time with thoroughly idle chatter. It seemed that someone had told her that it was a good idea to get to know me because I had lots of contacts and could write good recommendation letters.</p>

<p>The student therefore would stop by for absolutely no reason and would talk about absolutely nothing. It was simply empty headed chatter. She also would ask me very basic questions about the field -- things that she could have easily found the answers to by simply thinking or doing a quick Internet search. </p>

<p>There's a big difference between asking a prof whether one should wear a blue or black suit, flats or high heels to a job interview and asking a professor to look over a resume that one is submitting for a job related to the prof's field. Of course, the second example is the type of thing that is not a waste of the prof's time.</p>

<p>An example of the type of question that doesn't waste time and also enhances the prof's opinion of you is the type that occurs after you thought about what you want in a grad program and then thoroughly researched graduate school programs in your field. If after doing those things, you ask a professor for their input on which program would be best suited to your needs, that's the kind of question that is impressive. </p>

<p>What's wonderful about this kind of question is that the student isn't expecting the prof to magically know what's best for him/her. The student also has taken the time to do basic research instead of expecting the prof to do all of that work. This also allows the prof to give a far more useful answer in their limited time than if they are expected to read the student's mind and then provide an overview of all graduate programs.</p>

<p>Back to Morrie: I had the pleasure of working with Mitch Albom the author of "Tuesdays with Morrie." Mitch is the kind of writer who is always thinking about writing. Even when he drives down the street, he's thinking about metaphors that he can use in his writing.</p>

<p>I truly doubt that when Mitch was a college student who used Morrie's office hours, Mitch was just filling up free time with idle chatter.</p>

<p>Northstarmom, you are a being a bit extreme and condescending. I never stopped by my professor's office to chat about clothes, what classes I should take, or even guess what color is better today. I really don't understand your logic since I have never done the above. He was just one of my favorite professors, and I wanted to pay him a visit since I hadn't done so otherwise. It just went wrong, and at a bad time as well. I apologized so that he wouldn't have bad thoughts about me (I've had three classes with this professor since being at this school.) I agree though that he may not be the social type. I realize that, and I learned from this experience. But please don't tag me to students who have personal and emotional problems -- I either talk to my parents or CAPS about that.</p>

<p>You are the one who said that you stopped by the prof's office when he was clearly busy, and you sat there talking even though you had nothing to say.</p>

<p>I also know that more people than you read these threads, including people who learn by reading the responses to other people's posts, so what I wrote wasn't just for you. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, this is what you wrote in your original post.</p>

<p>"Yesterday, I stopped by his office, and he was busy with midterms. But he told me to come in anyways. Basically, although I wanted to chat, it turned out that I was just creating topics for the sake of keeping a conversation and he just sat there just looking at me. I ended up leaving the room looking dumber than I originally intended to say. "</p>