My roommate is my friend from home, and I have known her for about 8 years, many of which she was a good friend of mine. I knew she was particular about many things, but she also has parents that give her everything she wants. We have not been speaking lately, and I’ve begun to notice she is very particular about many things. She puts on hand sanitizer at least 20 times a day. She has an exact place for everything, and if I bump into something, she gets angry. I asked her if she would mind using a different light in the morning, and she hasn’t talked to me now in several days. She controls what time the light gets turned off at night and what time it is on in the morning, and I act accordingly. I am a pretty laid back person, so I don’t care about most things if it doesn’t start a fight, but she goes through long periods of time she just wont speak to me, claiming she is mad. I just want to make things not so tense in my room without her pushing me around and I’m not sure how.
Have her read this post. And it seems like she needs to be in a single. Have you talked to the RA? She might have great suggestions.
Don’t fall into this trap. If she’s constantly mad at you, then tell her “no” she can’t control everything in a shared room wontake it worse. Tell her you can’t live like this- living with a dicatator afte moving to college is ridiculous- and you won’t be living with her next year if it continues.
^ I would not understand living with her next year. If she is truely OCD then this behavior might not be controllable without therapy. Now if this is just her being a control feak then that is another whole issue.
Is your friend getting counseling/therapy?
I also had OCD as a young adult, and I only improved because I got professional help. I honestly didn’t realize how my behavior was affecting others, but if I had, I would have felt powerless to change. I don’t think she is going to get better without help. And, weirdly, many with OCD don’t want to get help. We think “our way” is better or even the only right way. I agree with the suggestion to have her read this thread.
BUT I think there is more going on here than OCD. I never tried to control other people or insisted that they give in to my demands. I realized others thought my behavior and thinking were extreme. I do think she is trying to control you through emotional manipulation as well. This is completely unacceptable. You seem to be sensitive to her feelings, to your credit, but I think she knows that and is taking advantage of your compassion.
Saying “no” to her when she is behaving unreasonably is absolutely acceptable and even beneficial. The truth is, you may not be able to salvage the friendship, but you will protect yourself emotionally and help your roommate see the error in her thinking and behavior.
This is tough! My son had OCD and he went thru 18 month therapy. But, it never completely goes away. He too washed his hands many times. When he is under stress the problem comes back. He feels frustrated but can’t control. Talk to her but you may need to switch dorm if it does not work out.
Interesting article about OCD
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/can-psychedelics-cure-ocd_us_57a34716e4b0c863d4004453
In any case, if a person has unreasonably strict OCD (to the point where somebody gives you the silent treatment over the type of light) then maybe they should either make accommodation, or live in a single. It sounds like your friendship would be better off if you didn’t live together, and perhaps she could be made to see that.