<p>My roommate and I got along really well the first few weeks - she was really friendly, neat, and considerate. I began to notice she washed her hands a lot - like, she would be talking with me, and then get up to wash her hands, wipe her hands, re-wash, wipe, re-wash and then continue to talk to me. She told me she had germ problems, and I shrugged it off, it wasn't a big deal. Also, she would need to rearrange things on her desk a certain way and touch things a certain number of times before being able to do anything else. Then one day I walked in on her crying, and she said she really missed her mom, etc. and I felt really bad and I suggested she go home for the weekend, and then she admitted to me that she had OCD and talked to a therapist once a week. I had already kind of knew, so I told her I was glad she had told me and that I didn't mind, and would try to make things easier for her. But it seems like once she told me, I've kind of been feeling like her problem's gotten worse, and it's starting to affect me and my studying as well. For example, she'll often look over my shoulder and look at my computer, and if I talk to her and have a computer window open at the same time, she'll get panicky and begin muttering to herself, and sometimes even start crying. The thing is, I know it's not her fault - but at the same time, it's made living with her really difficult. I consider myself a pretty considerate roommate - I'm hardly ever in the room (usually in class or at the library) and am really quiet and neat, and only come home at night around 10, and want to study in my room for a couple of hours before sleeping. However, she now needs to wait until I go to sleep before she can go to sleep because she has to complete her 'nightly routine' of washing her hands a couple times and locking the door. This really frustrates me because sometimes if she's really tired, she won't just sleep, she'll start crying and asking me to go to sleep earlier. I don't know whether to talk to the wellness exchange because 1) she's already seeing a therapist 2) her emotions are so delicate. In addition, she's stopped being neat - she leaves her underwear and stuff on the floor, and never throws out the trash. I'm a really non confrontational person, but to anyone else, I absolutely would not be okay with dirty underwear on the ground, but I really don't want her to start crying and talking to herself when I'm in the room. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do? Thanks.</p>
<p>oh gosh this sounds like a tricky situation 
you sound nice, maybe too nice?</p>
<p>about the underwear and trash - maybe if you remind her that picking stuff up is part of being clean, she’ll be neater, since she’s obsessed with germs and stuff. because it doesn’t sound like being messy is part of her ocd, so it’s one of the habits she probably can control. </p>
<p>definitely talk to her about the bed thing, if nothing else. ask her if she can do her nighttime routine before you go to bed…like if you’re studying at the desk or on your laptop, why can’t she wash her hands, lock the door, and go to bed? assuming your desk lamp isn’t so bright it’s keeping her up. it sounds like you’re already doing your best to be considerate, but she has to consider you too (i know she can’t help her ocd but no need to make you go to sleep first).</p>
<p>Also, maybe ask her to get a little pocket-sized Purell or carry hand wipes around because that’ll make stuff easier.</p>
<p>OCD can be a huge problem. you should possibly talk to a higher authority or something. Maybe consult her parents or something…i dont know.</p>
<p>You are being an awesome roommate; i can see why the university put you, such a considerate person, with her.</p>
<p>This is a really tricky situation…only the individual can overcome OCD.</p>
<p>If I were you, i dont really know what i would do…just hang in there. she needs a friend - be that friend</p>
<p>I suggest talking to the wellness exchange and talking to your roommate and suggesting that she let her therapist know about what’s going on. She may need more help than just once a week therapy.</p>
<p>Sounds to me like your roommate’s OCD is getting worse, and it would be good if you told someone about it. You’re being a very considerate roommate, but what you’re having to do right now is above and beyond what is expected of good roommates. You shouldn’t have to worry about whether you have your computer window open at the same time you’re talking to her and as long as you’re quiet, you shouldn’t have to go to sleep in order to keep your roommate from crying.</p>
<p>It’s wonderful to be supportive to your roommate as long as being supportive doesn’t hurt your own life, which is what is happening now.</p>
<p>OCD is really tough. I have it, but it’s thankfully in a way that I am sure my roommate wouldn’t notice if I didn’t tell her. I would talk to the wellness center. Not necessarily for her, though they may suggest that they should talk to her-- her own therapist may not know what you will have told them, but they may have some advice for you on how to cope. It is really not good for you to enable her by letting your routine become part of her compulsions, you have to go about your business and she needs to seek help if she can’t handle it. I know that may feel mean, but that’s really what you need to do-- I’d feel so pathetic and powerless if my roommates life were being affected by my compulsions. It’s also not okay to try and feed her obsessions by suggesting that picking up dirty underwear is part of being neat. By all means, ask her to pick it up, but this is a mental illness we are talking about here. It would be cruel to exploit it to get her to clean up after yourself. An attack of a compulsion feels almost exactly like being held underwater. At first, you’re okay, you can ignore the compulsion. But the longer you resist the more and more desperate you get for air, you have to breathe, you have to get to the surface, and you just cave in you feel better… for a second, and then it starts again, and the longer you resist the more desperate you are to get above water until you get to the point when your fight or flight response kicks in and you have to fight to get above water or you’re going to die, you have to cave or you’re going to die. You can be mature and ask her to pick up her panties without trying to manipulate her illness to make her feel like that. Not saying you would, but since someone suggested it I figured I’d set them straight.</p>
<p>I know given that explanation you’re probably not going to want to go about your routine without regard for her compulsions, but speaking as someone with OCD, that’s really the best thing you can do for her. You are enabling her otherwise and that isn’t going to help her. She needs to go to the wellness center or tell her therapist if she can’t handle that. If you guys are close at all, maybe offer to go with her? She needs to handle this. She CAN’T ignore it, but she can get help. You can’t help her by yourself, no matter what you do.</p>
<p>Your college experience shouldnt be jeapordized by someone elses mental illness. OCD responds to meds. I would go to the ra and see if they will contact the parents confidentally. If no luck there, go to housing and get out of there.</p>
<p>TwistedxKiss is absolutely right. I also have OCD that is unnoticeable, probably even if I reveal it to the public. However, noticeable or unnoticeable it is HER responsibility to get the appropriate treatment and care for it–not yours.</p>
<p>You may think bending to her will is you being supportive and helping her out, but it is not. You’re doing exactly the opposite, in fact. If your roommate had an eating disorder like anorexia, would you stop eating your choice of foods and switch to diet foods and etc to accomodate her mental illness? NO! So why do something akin to this for OCD? Not a good plan for either her or you!</p>
<p>You need to be firm with her and set down boundaries immediately–before this gets too far out of hand. Tell her you will honor her reasonable requests, but that you should not have to make EXTREME alterations to your lifestyle to submit to her OCD. Tell her that if she is already seeing a therapist, they should discuss the roommate issues together with each other to determine what to do about it. The problems are hers, not yours. Don’t get into them.</p>