<p>Okay, so that's an understatement. I know that many of you have kids whose rooms are a public health hazard, but I am betting my S's could beat them all. When he removes clothing from his body, he never, ever, ever puts it anywhere other than on the floor where it drops. In fact, he never puts anything where it belongs....ever. He does not empty trash cans. This isn't a huge problem though, since most trash doesn't make it into the trash can.</p>
<p>I have grown tired of fighting about it over the years and so now I ignore it. But...he's going to college in the fall. He'll have a roommate or two. No one is going to want to live with him!!</p>
<p>I'm sure S isn't the first kid like this who has gone off to college. What happens in these situations? Will the RA's make him clean his room up if it gets too bad or if his roommate complains?</p>
<p>He'll be fine. There are many kids like him.
If you're lucky, he'll end up with someone less messy, and will learn to put his stuff away. Kids act very differently when they are not at home.</p>
<p>I lived on a co-ed floor and the boys' suites were always the worst. Smelly, food left out, etc ... a few times the janitors would refuse to clean the area (you literally couldn't open the door without hitting something), that usually got the guys to clean up a bit. </p>
<p>the S could improve ... or he could just be encouraged by his fellow roommates.</p>
<p>My current roommate in grad school is exactly how you describe your son. The only problem is he does it over our entire apartment (especially the kitchen, yuck!) and no matter what I do he won't clean it up. I've resorted to getting a little vacuum that I keep by my door. I wipe my feet off every time I walk into my bedroom and every few days I have to vacuum that spot because it gets so gross.</p>
<p>The college advisor at my daughters private prep high school told a story of when she went to visit her son who ( was attending an ivy) and had a dorm that overlooked a ravine.
apparently was not an environmental science major.
She noticed they didn't even have a wastebasket in their room.
* they didn't need one, they had a window!*</p>
<p>Former room-mate got tired of telling me not to leave dirty dishes in the kitchen sink. One night, I came home late and found them all in my bed...After that, I made a point of taking care of that particular mess. </p>
<p>She was a friend as well as a room-mate (2 years!) so we managed to work out most things, though usually not quite so graphically.</p>
<p>timely, my S (college jr) sounds much like yours. Everything thing he owned was on the bedroom floor at home. He once told me "the floor is the biggest shelf in the house"!!!! He had so much junk in his car, he could have lived out of it for a month. He got better when he went to college. He said at home he could walk out and leave his junky room but in the dorm, there is no other room in the house to go to,lol. He swears he has been much neater in college. Now if he wuld just stop losing things...he's on his thrid cell phone since freshman year..arrggh.</p>
<p>Timely,
I'll bet you my daughter is as messy! She is allergic to throwing out anything! I still have hopes though....my mother used to always say to me "growth and development, DD, growth and development".</p>
<p>We figured out how to deal with this issue. </p>
<p>We moved his room to the basement and I keep his mother out. (this works 28 days of the month)</p>
<p>The other two days, right before something he wants to do, I say sure right after you clean your room. After he cleans his room the missing white socks, towels and my missing sweats magically are back. </p>
<p>Rinse repeat two weeks later.</p>
<p>The good news is that at least he realizes it's an issue, It was the topic of his letter to his potential roomate at Stanford. (part of the Stanford supplement)</p>
<p>My daughter and son are both very messy. The rest of the house is very clean. They both slid into it right about when high school started and they've been messy ever since. I finally taught myself not to let it stress me. I don't go into their rooms if I can help it. :) We do insist they clean up their rooms about every two weeks or so, just so they can start messing them up again from a clean slate. :P</p>
<p>Our youngest daughter is very messy at home, but away at camps we have been told she's a neat freak. When she visits people, her bed is always made and sheets stripped before she leaves. I think they behave differently when they are not home.</p>
<p>timely - There is hope! My son is messy but when he went away to a summer program, he was actually neat! Well, not neat enough, but definitely not messy. When asked why the sudden turnaround, he said he did not want to be "more messy" than his roommate. So yes, there is definitely hope.</p>
<p>He maintains a messy room but the rule in our house is that he has to clean up before he can "socialize" (movies, friends' houses, parties, etc.) on weekends.</p>
<p>Your S sounds only marginally more of a slob by inclination than me. :D</p>
<p>Having a roommate as a freshman was actually a good way to keep my messiness in check. I will be a slob with my own space, but I try to keep space that is shared with others reasonable. My room got much messier once I got a single.</p>
<p>If your S doesn't operate on the same principle - it's not uncommon for roommates to divide the room into "your space" and "my space", just because it makes organization of everybody's stuff easier. So he may just end up with a room where half of it is neat and half of it looks like it was hit by a tornado.</p>
<p>S is as bad or worse as any cases reported here. As a freshman, he had a "neat" roommate and it really was good for him. He actually admitted that things went smoother when his room was cleaner. Duh.</p>
<p>Sophomore year--new, NOT neat roommate. Old habits returned. A big mess. Junior year--a single. A nightmare. Same when he was home over this summer....old food, trash, everything mixed up in giant "mounds".</p>
<p>He was home 24 hours during spring break....his clothes smelled like they hadn't seen the laundry in some time. </p>
<p>H & I have already decided that if he has to move back in with us for a while after graduation next year, his "room" WILL be in the basement.<br>
I was really hoping he'd get better as he got older. Sigh.</p>
<p>DTDad--thanks for posting how you made it work. I'm more hopeful now I'll be able to live with it.</p>
<p>When I asked my son how many times he did laundry during his summer program, I think it was twice (eeewww) and I asked, "How did you manage?" He replied, "I have a system." I didn't want to know, so I let it go.</p>
<p>D & S are messy in different ways. D scatters her stuff throughout the house (she inherited her father's style). S keeps his mess contained to his room. Heck, he keeps it contained to within arm's reach of his computer.</p>
<p>I thought my son was a total slob. The floor is his closet and dresser. The dust can get so thick living creatures cannot breath. I took every item out of his room and washed and disinfected his room when he went to college. About a month after he got there I finally worked up enough courage to ask if his roomate was ready to give son the boot for being such a slob. Son replies, "oh mom he's worse than I am". I cannot imagine worse than my son. Do not worry they all seem to survive and cohabitat...the slobs and the neat freaks. Frankly a neat freak drives my son #2 ,who is relatively normal in the clean and tidy department, crazy. This kid is a germaphobe and is marginally obsessive/compulsive about being neat and tidy.</p>
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<p>I have grown tired of fighting about it over the years and so now I ignore it. But...he's going to college in the fall. He'll have a roommate or two. No one is going to want to live with him!!<<</p>
</blockquote>
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<p>Same problem with our oldest D. We gave her the "you'll have to change your wicked ways when you get to college and have a roommate" lecture. Turns out that her roommate was also messy! They would both pile stuff on their beds and then move stuff around to form a body shaped opening when they went to sleep. </p>
<p>
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I still have hopes though....my mother used to always say to me "growth and development, DD, growth and development".
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</p>
<p>I should have added that my S came by his messy inclinations naturally. I was never quite as bad as him, but I am not a good housekeeper, that's for sure. Over the years, I've learned some strategies that have helped a good deal. I try to share those with S, but if it's coming out of my mouth, it must be ridiculous.</p>
<p>One thing that has been really helpful is repeating to myself "You can do anything for 15 minutes." I use a timer and set it for 15 minutes and tackle some task that seems monumental and that I dread. I am always amazed at how much I can actually get done in that 15 minutes! As I have learned that, it makes me less afraid to tackle big jobs. I know they aren't as big as they seem.</p>
<p>Although I feel sorry for S's poor future roommate, I hope that he's at least a little bit of a neat person. If S ends up with another messy, it will be disastrous. One thing I hope will help is that he won't have as much stuff. He has way too many clothes (it seems like he gets a free t-shirt at every event he attends) and that's part of the problem. Although maybe not, because we went to a state event last month where we stayed in a hotel (he stayed with another kid, and I stayed with a mom). On the last day I came to his room and oh, my gosh....how did he ever make that big of a mess with only one suitcase full of clothes?!</p>
<p>Along that same line, I have really tried to convince S that he should not date any girls who are messy like he is. I know....I know....it sounds crazy. But if he marries someone like himself, literally his potential for future success will be very limited. I am praying that he'll find a girl who is orderly and has a love for serving others and that she'll understand that he is how he is and love him anyway. Let me have my dream, okay? :-)</p>