<p>DS is a really messy kid. He's had his own room, and was required to clean it up once every two weeks, but left to choice would not hang up anything. I am curious if anyone has stories or tips (perhaps I can share with him) to help him adjust to sharing a small space with a roommate. Also, how to ensure home work assignments don't disappear under mountains of boxer shorts. Maybe I could send him with only a single change of clothes (less to have pile up on the floor)?</p>
<p>He’s going to have to figure all of that out for himself. If he’s interested in getting an early start, he could post on the college life board here, but my guess is that you’re more interested in this than he is.</p>
<p>Just make sure he knows not to say on his housing questionnaire that he’s a really neat person. Older S – a real slob-- had planned to do that thinking he’d get a roommate who’d clean up after him. Fortunately, he listened to me when I told him that method would get him a roommate who’d strangle him. So, he put on his app the truth, and got a slob for a roommate. Once, when I was talking on the phone with S, he said he and his roommate were cleaning their room.</p>
<p>“To prepare for a housing inspection?” I asked.</p>
<p>“Nope,” he said. "So we can walk across the room.</p>
<p>His roommate was even more of a slob than was S. His roommate would dump everything on his bed and then sleep on top of the mess.</p>
<p>Coming from a rather messy student (as in, most days I can’t tell you what color my carpet is) it is a big adjustment. I wasn’t given any sort of survey for housing, other than these 3 questions:</p>
<p>Would you prefer single, double, or suite?
Do you smoke?
Would you room with someone who smokes? (outside, b/c all buildings are smoke free)</p>
<p>I was a lot like your S, and didn’t clean my room at home unless I knew people were coming over and would be in my room (if my parents were having guests, I didn’t bother b/c they weren’t going to see my room anyway) or when my mom finally got on me enough that I got tired of hearing about it. I got put in a triple, and one girl was the most anal person about cleaning I’d ever met, the other was sort of in the middle–never as messy as me and not even close to as clean as the other roommate.</p>
<p>I was at least considerate enough to keep my mess to my side of the room, but I know other people who when cleaning their dorm rooms had to ask each other “is this yours?” when digging through piles of clothes. I tried to keep it semi-clean, but I wasn’t going to dust every Sunday or make my bed every morning. </p>
<p>Sophomore year I moved into an apartment with one girl who is as messy as me, a girl who was in the middle, and a girl who swept and mopped the kitchen on a regular basis and kept her room spotless. We got along great (in regards to cleaning) because we all had our own separate rooms that we could keep as clean or messy as we wanted. Sometimes things would pile up in the living room or kitchen but we tried to keep it clean and presentable. When people study at the coffee table or while watching TV, books and notebooks accumulate after a while, but it’s not like there were red Solo cups and ping pong balls laying around the apartment 
(after all, those usually stayed in the dishwasher or cupboard until we needed them again)</p>
<p>My daughter’s room at home always looks like a hurricane hit it, and I suspect that the single she lived in during her freshman year wasn’t much better. But as a sophomore, she shared a small double with another girl. They had to be neat so that they could function in that small space. She adapted.</p>
<p>My son learned to adapt, too. In his senior year of college, after having lived with messy people or by himself for three years, he shared an off-campus apartment with three other guys, two of whom were neat freaks. He conformed to his roommates’ standards when it came to the shared parts of the apartment, but his own bedroom was such a mess that you sort of had to jump from the door to the bed – walking there was out of the question. I haven’t seen his graduate school apartment, but he has his own bedroom there, too, so I imagine that things haven’t changed much.</p>
<p>I have a messy S too. His room at home was always a wreck. He was constantly losing stuff (car keys, cell phone, wallet) in his room because it was such a dump.
He roomed with his h.s best friend in college. To be honest, I never saw his dorm room after the day we moved him in. He swore he was forced to become neater because of sharing the small space. Said his roommate was just as messy as him.<br>
They moved to an apt. for soph/jr/ year and then to a house with two other roommates…every time I saw it, it looked a like the city might condemn it any day. </p>
<p>S graduated (magna cum laude…smart does not equal neat) last month. He’s still living with original roommate. The apt. is still a mess but they get along fine and are happy there. The last time we visited, he told us to stop making comments about his home.
So now when we visit, I give him a big hug and bite my tongue.</p>
<p>Another problem with those roommate scales is that “Very neat/Somewhat neat/Somewhat messy/Very messy” turns out to be a scale that doesn’t always mean the same thing to two different people. My somewhat neat would have been very messy to my friend down the hall, who was hyperorganized, but was very neat compared to my roommate’s standard. </p>
<p>It was honestly somewhat of a point of contention freshman year. I was usually fine when the mess was confined to her side of the room, and she never had smelly laundry or messes, except for the fridge which reeked of something gone bad even after a few cleanings. Occasionally I would get really, really aggitated because I would have trouble getting from the light switch (on her side) to my bed without getting hurt in the dark, and things would start migrating in my space. When she would finally decide to clean, often it would be at midnight on a weekday because someone, usually her boyfriend, was coming over the next day. </p>
<p>By the end of the year, she had control over probably 2/3rds of the room, and things that were “both of ours” like the garbage and recycling wound up in my space. I did manage to master the art of teasing her until she would get the hint that the mess was getting out of control and she would take care of it. I also started playing the “I’m not going to take out the garbage until you do” game after I realized that she was filling the bags and then I was having to attempt to pry the overstuffed mess out of the can without the bag ripping. </p>
<p>As much as I complain, I really did like this roommate, and I think she really did feel bad about her habits. She decided to go for a single because she realized that she needed her own space to do with as she would. </p>
<p>As for your son, the best advice I can give is to make sure you send him with at least one of those pop up laundry baskets (made of the wire and mesh that can fold flat), or laundry bags that he can keep at least that part of his mess in. Also, make sure that he knows HOW to do laundry. It was amusing the first couple weeks of school, because sometimes I would go to throw something in the wash and two guys would be staring at the washing machine trying to figure out what to do together. I also noticed plenty of loads of laundry that still smelled as well, because the boys (I never saw a load of girls’ clothes like this) would overstuff the washer and nothing actually got clean.</p>
<p>Also, depending on how eco-conscious you are, you might consider sending him with a supply of disposable dishes so that if anything starts to pile up, it’s as simple as just tossing it in the trash. Also, in case he does use reusable dishes, make sure he has what he needs to wash them. </p>
<p>Lastly, he probably does not need every article of clothing he owns. Probably one or two sets of formal will be plenty for freshman year, and I can’t really foresee him needing more than a few pairs of shoes. (Sneakers, dress shoes, boots, maybe sandals?) Other than that, I can’t really judge how much clothing the average person has. I considered myself to have a lot when I had enough jeans to go a week without doing laundry, but others might prefer having a two week supply, perhaps? A big problem with my roommate was that she had enough clothes with her to go a month without doing laundry, including 15+ pairs of shoes, which wound up everywhere. </p>
<p>Overall, I imagine your son will learn to me as neat as he needs to be. If he finds he cannot function because he’s losing everything in his mess, he will probably learn to clean it, and if he doesn’t, then maybe he’s not ready to be living on his own.</p>
<p>Some good advice here-thanks for the responses. It sounds like I put this one into the category of “things he will figure out when he gets to college.” Fortunately, he does know how to do laundry, it just won’t be top of mind for him, I’m sure. His school will be close enough that we can probably also do some kind of seasonal wardrobe swap to help keep to content of the room manageable.</p>
<p>I’m not sure there’s a cure. S2 is a complete slob and has never put anything away voluntarily in his life, although he does take good care of his computer & musical instruments. He got a OCD roommate who cleared off his desk each time he was finished working there. and actually folded his clothes. I think S was a bit more careful while he had the roommate but the roommate managed to move out in January so he had the room to himself. When we arrived to move him out, it was a DISASTER. </p>
<p>I guess I have failed as a parent. But then I guess they take after their parents who also have slob tendencies but sometimes overcome them.</p>
<p>My son’s home job is to keep the lawn and the outside of the house clean and orderly. He does that because he knows I expect that of him. </p>
<p>Inside, his Mom picks up after him and cleans his room because he expects it of her. </p>
<p>I’ve given up arguing the point.</p>
<p>I think I posted this same question last year. I never actually saw the dorm room after move in (fortunately). I know it was pretty bad, but S got along fine with his roommates anyway. They weren’t as messy as him, I think, but they didn’t seem too agitated about his messes.</p>
<p>Yes, he lost stuff. Assignments, keys, etc. Que Sera.</p>
<p>This summer he moved into an apartment with his own bedroom. I went out to visit him last week and he had it as neat as a pin. Granted, he had just moved in and he knew I was coming. Still, at least that got him off to a good start!</p>
<p>Definitely send your S with as few clothes as possible, because you know that he won’t wash until he’s worn every single thing anyway. Also, at college they seem to get free t-shirts all the time. Other than that, I wouldn’t waste your breath. :)</p>