My son the consistent underachiever, how can I explain how he is ruining his life?

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<p>I was resisiting the urge to say it. There are multiple active threads right now regarding bright kids who have failed out, bright kids who are not graduating. Parents on cc have dealt with their child’s mental illness, physical illness, imprisonment and yes, even death.</p>

<p>I have read all of your responses but it is hard to organize this all in to multiple qoutes and answers. By ruining his life I meant limiting his probable earning to potential. Also he actually says he doesn’t put the work into courses he’s not interested and that he could have put the time in if he was interested. Proving that he could have a little less than a 3.8 if he was able to study for every class.</p>

<p>I am not being overbearing and I am sure my son doesn’t feel that way. I am not really sure what a good GPA is in college because I know that there has been a lot of grade inflation since I was there and my friends who teach tell me that to get into a grad program the bare minimum is a 3.5 and the better the grades the better the program and the better the income. I didn’t have the time to go to grad school, but even a masters is becoming worthless nowadays</p>

<p>Was his SAT score 1280/1600 or 1280/2400?</p>

<p>“By ruining his life I mean ruining his earning potential”</p>

<p>“even a masters is becoming worthless nowadays”</p>

<p>I don’t even know what to say. Your priorities and values are so … well, I’m speechless, so I’ll let Steely Dan say it instead:</p>

<p>You wouldn’t know a diamond
If you held it in your hand
The things you think are precious
I can’t understand</p>

<p>Well some kids never realize their mistake until they actually experience failure. Talk to your schools guidance counselor, or maybe even a therapist </p>

<p>Sent from my Desire HD using CC</p>

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<p>Oh, well, I can see how limiting your probable earning potential is exactly the same thing as ruining your life. @@ It’s really all about money, isn’t it? Not about forming a child who is a good, loving, caring person who is happy and self-sufficient. Re-read SansSerif’s post. And then think about the meaning of life. Clue - it’s not money, and it’s not going to an Ivy League or similar school, or having the fanciest job.</p>

<p>I want my children to be self-sufficient, but if they choose to live on $40,000 or $400,000 a year, it’s all the same to me. Too bad it’s not all the same to you.</p>

<p>Yeah every parent wants their kid to become a doctor or lawyer, but think practically. Some areas of study these days are crazy competetive, even the best get rejected. So let your son live his life, of course stop him if his only desire is a community college drop out, but help GUIDE him NOT force him. </p>

<p>Sent from my Desire HD using CC</p>

<p>Changing direction a bit here: </p>

<p>I’d be pretty encouraged that he has found a few courses each semester that really grab him. That’s wonderful! I’d spend time talking to him about what it was in those classes that captured his attention. Is it the learning environment? What does that say about the kind of work environment he’d like best? Is it the subject matter? What aspects of it appealed to him? Has he formed any connections to faculty? What kind of opportunities can they offer him if he is really interested in their field?</p>

<p>If he can identify what he loves, what motivates and excites him, what makes him happy in his work, then he can do the same thing in his professional life. Help him figure this out. And encourage him to work for a law firm after college before applying to law school to make sure it’s really what he wants to do. (I did and ended up applying for a job with one of the clients whose work turned out to be much more of a fit more me. So glad I didn’t waste 3 years in law school just because I didn’t know what else was out there.)</p>

<p>My only concern would be that it will serve him well to be able to apply himself to things that he does not like or enjoy. That is a skill worth its weight in gold. No one gets to do nothing but things they like to do, but the ones who do have probably spent some doing - well - things they don’t like.</p>

<p>I guess the issue might possibly be a crisis if earning a great deal of money is important to him. If he wants lots of toys, then you do need to ask him how he thinks he’s going to get them.</p>

<p>What I worry more about with underachieving bright kids is the idea of their having a very boring job for maybe 40 years. A lower paying job does not equal boring. For example, I bet that few teachers or social workers would call their jobs dull. Retail can even be pretty interesting. But a student who does not get the education needed to do what he wants to do may end up with a horribly dull job that pays the bills.</p>

<p>It’s difficult to argue a student who is getting B’s in topics they don’t enjoy isn’t “applying themselves enough,” though.</p>

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<p>Not in THIS household. We would support our kids if THEY chose these professions…but we are not amongst those who want their kid to be a doctor or lawyer.</p>

<p>The legal profession in the U.S. is ruined. Much of the work is outsourced offshore, especially to india. </p>

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<p>Medicine’s no bed of roses, either.</p>

<p>Yeah, radiology is already gone
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<p>He is not limiting his earning potential. YOU just think he is. He will be a grown up and will need to make his own decisions about jobs/salaries, etc. There are MANY unemployed lawyers these days…talk about “limited earning potential”. </p>

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<p>Right and he gets a B+ instead of an A? That is still a terrific grade. He does NOT need to get all As in college. MOST people put in more effort in things they are interested in.</p>

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<p>Agree with above poster. This comment leaves me speechless.</p>

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<p>This kid is NOT a failure, and doesn’t look headed that way. Re: the need for a therapist…I know who <em>I</em> would recommend see a therapist. Also…school guidance counselor…where would THAT be? This is a college student.</p>

<p>If someone doesn’t make a lot of money, but they are happy, what’s the problem? None as far as I can see. OP, why is it so important that he maximize his earning potential? Are you planning on having him support you? Is that his dream, or your dream for him?</p>

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<p>Two A+ and two B+ grades are hardly a poor performance.</p>

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<p>$90,000 is 80th percentile household income and 91st percentile individual income in the US. A lot of people in the US would be glad to “scrape by” on that income. Plus, you managed to do it after majoring in biology, one of the majors with relatively poor job and pay prospects out of college.</p>

<p>" we are not amongst those who want their kid to be a doctor or lawyer." - ditto. </p>

<p>OP - It’s a big problem when bright/uninterested kids get D or F or Withdraw from the class. Or reach crisis mode and Withdraw from all classes. You’ll find tales of woe all over CC, and this site tends to draw families of bright kids. Good luck to you and your son - I think he’ll do fine.</p>

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<p>A bit hyperbolic I’d say.</p>