My son who is in recovery from addiction is now applying to college...

Parents Forum
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<p>Just because it is covered by confidentiality laws does not render it insignificant in the life of an applicant. Again, in an era when colleges are challenged to provide for the mental health of students (remember, in loco parentis) is it not a reasonable assumption that if you want your child to be safe and well, you will provide the information needed so that will be the case? Look, if your child has had major academic discontinuity of some sort due to mental health or substance issues, some explanation is inevitable. </p>

<p>Worried Mom CC, I agree fully, it is a luxury and blessing to be at this point…</p>

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<p>@OP: Very inspiring story about your son. If you have any questions about Cornell’s psychology program / academics, feel free to PM me, since I’m a psych major myself.</p>

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<p>@TheThirdTime I just realized that I may not have actually discussed on the actual thread that my son is most definitely planning to notify the appropriate administrators at the college that he enrolls in of his Bipolar disorder. He simply declined to mention it in full on his application.</p>

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<p>Worried, what your son is doing is perfect. He can meet with folks wherever he ends up, after acceptance,about accommodations like reduced courseload if needed, excused absences for medical appointments, and extensions if he has an episode. You can make it clear that your son intends to never use these, but the college will prefer that a plan is in place rather than having to react quickly if anything happens.</p>

<p>I have 3 kids at 3 very different colleges, and binge drinking, adderall and other drug use, and, for that matter, anxiety and depression, seem to be rampant everywhere.</p>

<p>I do want to say that most of the kids I know who are on bipolar meds, do drink. Not that there aren’t problems. Lithium, for instance, apparently delays or prevents someone from feeling the effects of alcohol, which can cause big trouble, and of course the additive effects of alcohol with certain other meds can slow the mind and body down and also cause problems.</p>

<p>But there needs to be another way to resist drugs and alcohol, and it sounds like your son is practiced in abstinence at this point. Still, if he is helped by the idea that he cannot drink in his meds, I just want to warn you that he may hear otherwise!</p>

<p>I totally agree about the prejudice (one of mine has type 1 diabetes). People don’t understand that disorders like bipolar disorder are biological, brain-based and genetic. </p>

<p>I am happy to hear that meds work so well. It seems that when that is the case, young people can do very well. After two years of healing, I trust your feelings that he is safe to choose where he goes, and he deserves that just like anyone else. If he feels he needs it, then he may, himself, choose to be closer, but much better coming from him!</p>

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<p>No while there is drinking etc. just about everywhere…it absolutely is not “rampant” everywhere. My oldest son’s college was “known” back in the day for being just wild. It it rural, remote, small and more boys than girls. The college has done an excellent job in the past decade of changing the culture. Kids still drink absolutely, but no more Wacky Wednesdays and Thirsty Thursdays etc. One recent quote from a review website: “the school is more worried about students dieing (sic) from alcohol poisoning then they are about us having fun” which is 180 degrees from what they used to say a decade ago and I say good job to this college. Another telling stat that all colleges have to keep is the number of kids “arrested/ticketed” for alcohol and drugs…a very low number of arrests or citations is not necessarily a good thing…just saying. The OP could do alittle “digging” into what’s happening on the campuses on the college list. As Mini says, the info is out there and there are differences from campus to campus in the alcohol/drug culture.</p>

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<p>The fact that there is drinking and drugging everywhere does NOT mean that all campuses are the same. In fact, they are not even close. Even campuses where, on paper, the students look the same (GPAs, SAT scores, family income, etc.), the differences are vast. And you’d feel it almost instantly. Campus culture, college administration, support for fraternities, and heavy spectator sports make for huge differences, even for the very same student depending on the school attending. </p>

<p>It’s really easy to figure this out - in person, usually with a Thursday overnight.</p>

<p>(And as for mental health needs, there are excellent colleges in rural settings where mental health professionals in the neighboring communities are just overwhelmed, and the colleges themselves will not be particularly helpful in assisting a student in finding the help s/he needs.)</p>

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<p>That’s true, perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word “rampant.” What I should have said is that at very many college campuses, if one looks hard enough they can find substances like adderall. Of course, it may be much easier to find at certain types of schools.</p>

<p>Once we see where my son gets in, I will definitely do heavy research on each university. I didn’t even know one could search this information before, so thank you mini and momofthree!</p>

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<p>Just wanted to give everyone an update, since I believe I said in the beginning of the thread that I would.</p>

<p>My S was accepted at Vermont, St. Lawrence, Trinity, and Colgate. He was waitlisted at W&L, Vanderbilt, Davidson, and Swarthmore. He was denied by all of his other choices.</p>

<p>While he seemed to be a little sad, seeing as I know he told his consultant that his top choices were Georgetown and UVA (though I personally thought Haverford or Davidson would be the best fit for him.) </p>

<p>Regardless, I believe he is feeling a lot of pressure from his father’s side of the family to enroll in Colgate and not accept a spot on any of the wait lists. I believe that Colgate would not be the best environment for him, although from what I have heard it has changed a bit since the 80’s, when my husband went there. Regardless, I believe he would do better at a school similar to Swarthmore or Davidson, so I am encouraging him to accept a spot on their wait lists, even though he seems to be content with Colgate (though I am not sure if he is just pretending.)</p>

<p>Any thoughts about the wait list process/ Best fits?</p>

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<p>worried, something tells me he should really give St Lawrence some thought. Will he be able to do overnights at some of the accepted schools?</p>

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<p>My very dear friend from a number of years ago was faced with a daughter who had recovered from extreme anorexia/bulemia. An excellent student, with great stats, like your son, she had good prospects in getting accepted to any number of selective schools. With great sadness and after deliberation, my friend and her husband told her she would have to commute to college. The statistics of relapse were just too high, and the trigger of going away and being in a college environment was not condusive to her staying well.</p>

<p>A lot of tears, but that is what she did. And relapse she did too, twice during that time period. But each time it was caught early by vigilent parental eyes. </p>

<p>She is now 30 years old and attending Columbia for a MSW and it has been 9 years since she had a relapse. But even so, she knows she is not cured. It has taken the maturity of a near 30 year old to cope with her illness, and she now does live on her own, and has for a couple of years. </p>

<p>I don’t think those who have the spectre of addiction and other such problems should be focused on going away to college. It’s frankly too dangerous. Even mine who are very strong minded will tell you that the campuses are rife with temptations even for those without the propensity to go over the line. I believe that young adults at the very ages they are going away to college are at the height of their risks of having mental illnesses, most of them, thankfully truly “temporary insanities”. Any one who is way over that normal baseline risk really should not go away to school. For some of us parents, we don’t know. It’s not until an event occurs that we realize that our kids are at a higher risk for whatever reasons. If you are fortunate enough (and yes, I say “fortunate” and mean it) to know up front that this risk exists so that you don’t find out through some tragic event, my stance is that such a young adult should be kept close and under supervision until his very age and experience brings the chances of relapse far lower. I think the trigger of an undergraduate Roman bath can and should be skipped by some people for whom the risks are too great.</p>

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<h1>70 is a very wise post.</h1>

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<p>My DD was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder last year, after being misdiagnosed with a number of different things (anxiety, depression, ADHD, being the victim of a overprotective mother, etc) for a number of years. After being in complete denial about her diagnosis, she is beginning to come to terms with it, but often forgets her meds and refuses to follow the doctor’s advice about keeping a regular sleep schedule, and isn’t truthful with him about what is going on. We are in NYC and she has been accepted to Fordham (with a big scholarship), the CUNY Macaulay program (full scholarship), U Delaware (in the honors program with a big scholarship), NYU, Barnard, Vassar (we would have to pay the entire cost at these three), wait listed at Columbia. I am very concerned about her living in a dorm as she frequently forgets the meds and I text her after she has left for school and she takes her back up dose that she carries with her (and if she doesn’t have the back up then I go to school to give her the dose). She gets distracted and is drawn to socialize when her mood goes up and I am concerned that she won’t focus enough to get the studying done if she is living in a dorm. There is no indication at this point that she has any addiction issues, but I know that a large percentage of people with bipolar disorder have them. She is insisting on living in the dorm, though. We would like her to select one of the schools that she has big scholarships for, but her ‘friends’ are teasing her about that and telling her that she must go to Vassar as it is the most prestigious school and they can’t believe that we don’t feel that we can pay for it. She has very poor self esteem and the friends that she has selected since she became sick are very immature and don’t treat her nicely.</p>

<p>I would appreciate the thoughts of anyone on this thread who has been in a similar situation about the school choices. Any advice about what to do once she has selected a school so that she can have the best support and guidance available (who to contact, what to tell them, etc.) would also be greatly appreciated.</p>

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<p>Mompom,</p>

<p>What your family “can” pay and what is truly realistic to pay given other financial responsibilities are two different things. Repeat that to yourself, and to your daughter as often as needed. If necessary, repeat it in the presence of her friends. They are not party to your family’s financial situation any more than you are party to their families’ finances. Pose the requirement for commuting as a financial issue and see if that flies.</p>