<p>I know exactly what you are going through, my son just got out of treatment 7 months ago, for severe, debilitating depression. His grades suffered mid-way thought his sophomore year when it reached it’s horrid peak, he went to another state for treatment for 15 months. He is a senior and has been in four high schools (two at the treatment facilities). He has a 4.17 GPA, could have been higher but no honors or APs offered at these places! But, by God, his essay was unbelievable. Most kids his age do not, thank God, have to go through this stuff. Yes, his list of EC’s is short, but he did get a supplemental application from UCLA and Berkeley! Your son has has an interesting history and has come through some tough stuff, hopefully some admissions officer will appreciate it. Good luck and tell your son to hang in there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel…</p>
<p>Mini, could you please tell us how you find actual drug/alcohol abuse data from the schools themselves? Maybe post some links for some of the schools in OP’s list?</p>
<p>@Mini, that was very helpful though, and very thought provoking. I believe that my son would do better at a place like Swarthmore than a place like Colgate, but I believe he wants to be around kids that are both “social and intellectual” (he seems to think that Swarthmore kids will be overly studious and “stuffy”). He has said that since many of his friends drink, he won’t be uncomfortable. But, I agree with you, in the I don’t know if it would definitely be a great place for him. However, Colgate is the school that is closest to where we currently live, so at least he would have a support network/ same psychiatrist, etc.</p>
<p>@WorriedMomCC Check out my post about Swarthmore further up on this thread. For a kid with a history of mental illness, Swarthmore is definitely a risk.</p>
<p>@born2dance94 Thanks for posting again, otherwise I wouldn’t have noticed your post! I’m new to the site, so its a bit confusing and overwhelming.</p>
<p>I’ve heard that too about Swarthmore and a few other schools. That was actually one of the reasons that my son said he might be more interested in a bigger school, or a school where students might have more “balance.” I think that environments like what you described would most definitely not be a good place for him, so I’ll be sure to keep that in mind when it comes time to help him decide where he wants to go.</p>
<p>I see he also applied to Haverford. Maybe a better fit than Swarthmore. It has a similar community feel and intellectual atmosphere to Swarthmore, but is less intense. Also, its Honor Code is taken very seriously and instills a sense of honesty and integrity in the students, so I could definitely see that helping your son stay on “the right path.”</p>
<p>It’s funny that you say that, my son remarked the exact same thing to me when he asked me to edit his essay on the honor code for Haverford. He actually like the tour guide very much at Haverford, and like the general “feel” there too. He felt that the students who spoke to them were less condescending and seemed more “real” to him. (Not that he didn’t like Swarthmore, he wouldn’t have applied if he didn’t.) Haverford is actually pretty high up on his list. Unfortunately, while his interview went well, according to Naviance the average student that Haverford accepts from his school has a 4.3 GPA and a 2300 SAT.</p>
<p>I agree with born2dance and the others who have warned against Swath- know two friends who dropped out before even completing their first semester due to mental illness, and both are now doing very well at other prestigious schools.</p>
<p>WorriedMom and I both have kids who had an “issue” at the age of 15. My D is taking a gap year, so it’s been almost 3 years since her issue arose (in her case, it was psychiatric, not substance abuse). In a crazy way, I feel we are “fortunate” to have had a couple of years to watch our kids heal, and as parents, we probably have a pretty good sense of what our kids can and can’t handle at this point. </p>
<p>It has been so interesting to watch the evolution of this post. About a month ago, I posted about my daughter and her hospitalization 3 years ago. For the most part, parents were supportive but really focused on college close by, services etc. And then not much more – not a subject of a lot of interest in parents. </p>
<p>in this case, the first 2 pages of posts are so positive and supportive of the recovered addict kid, but once it was revealed he had an additional issue, the tone certainly changed. Is it just me? I usually assume there is an underlying issue with kids who abuse substances at an early age.</p>
<p>I am wondering if we have not turned the corner yet in our society and accepted mental illness just as any other illness. And addiction recovery is somehow viewed as a one-time deal that is associated with bravery and heroism. (I am watching the Grammys with one eye so this isn’t written well).</p>
<p>As for my D, she disclosed her illness to colleges clumsily and I feel kinda stupid I let her since judging from this website, it freaks people out a lot! She has always been responsible for taking her meds and has never missed a dose, eats well, exercises, sees a talk therapist regularly and has never had another episode again. In many ways, she seems more mature and self aware than most kids her age, yet my gut tells me she may be penalized for her disclosure to colleges she applied to. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they will do right for her and for worriedmom’s boy too. But we won’t know until late March April, and for parents like us, it is an especially long wait.</p>
<p>“Mini, could you please tell us how you find actual drug/alcohol abuse data from the schools themselves? Maybe post some links for some of the schools in OP’s list?”</p>
<p>Some schools release them, and you find them through a search of the archives of the student newspaper. Some make a big deal of them as part of social media campaigns. Some don’t release them at all publicly, but as each school receiving federal grants usually has a survey as part of their requirements, they have the results and the alcohol/drug coordinator (often a dean) must release them upon request.</p>
<p>Honestly, though, you usually don’t need the actual data. There are known risk factors for schools with higher than average rates: non-urban, residential, four-year, coed, non-religious affiliated, higher than average white population, heavy spectator sports, heavier than average fraternity/sorority, higher than average full-pay population.</p>
<p>I don’t know a single example of a school that has 8 of these 9 factors that doesn’t have higher than average binge drinking. (That being a little over 40% in the last two weeks, uncorrected for the underestimate of students reporting fewer than they actually have, and underestimating drink sizes.) Or seven for that matter.</p>
<p>Some schools, like Duke, have numbers gathered at their student health center. In the last study, 12% of Duke undergraduates suffered an alcohol-related blackout in the previous year.</p>
<p>And the differences among schools which accept student populations which on paper look very similar can be vast (which is a reflection upon the campus culture).</p>
<p>@lexmom I completely agree with your entire post. The first part I agree with is how grateful I am that I had the opportunity to be living with my son as he was undergoing his recovery, and that he set himself straight at such a young age.</p>
<p>I also agree that as a whole, people tend to be much more prejudiced about mental illness than drug abuse. As I’ve said to lexmom, I believe that the mental illness was completely inevitable, while my son’s drug use was something he himself started. I am surprised that people tend believe the opposite. Having a child with a mental illness is no different than having a child who is diabetic or has a gluten allergy. They did not ask for it, but with treatment they will be able to live on their own, provided that they know how to correctly deal with their condition. That is why I am surprised that after over two years (almost three by the time he enters college) people still think that my son would need to stick close to home, either for drugs or alcohol. The amount of work he has done in the past two years will have hopefully provided him with the tools to be successful, provided he continues taking his medication, etc.</p>
<p>I for one DON’T think he needs to stick close to home. But personally, I think that many choices on his list are not particularly good ones, given his risk profile.</p>
<p>@Mini: I completely agree. I pushed him toward schools like Vassar, Bard, etc., but he just didn’t seem to be into it. He seemed to like schools that seem to offer the “traditional college experience” - which is odd, since he is not the type of student that would benefit from that. However, he assured us that he would be happier at a school like that, so we allowed him to choose where he applied, knowing that he will be screened for drugs at college (we have not yet found a way to screen for alcohol.) However, while UVA seems to be his first choice (the do have sober living and a seemingly very strong support network), I would love for him to go to a school like Haverford or Davidson- a school with smart, sociable kids without a huge party culture.</p>
<p>I never thought I would admit this, but when I went to college, I did not listen to my Mom, and boy was she right! Her choices for me: Oberlin, Hampshire, Kenyon. Applied and got in to all. But being a rebellious thing, where did I end up? Wellesley which was a really bad choice for me (it was waaaay different 30 years ago). Kind of messed up my life to be honest (huge value shift for a hippy/academic kid like me from Oregon). I have decided I am going to be more involved in my D’s college choice. Who knows 'em better than Mama?</p>
<p>Ironic to consider a school with an honor code such as Haverford, and then feel comfortable in glossing over the reality of your life, no?</p>
<p>I understand the advice of well meaning educational consultants and advisors. I can assure it is likely that none of them will be there if your son relapses and struggles… I am not suggesting he will, but if something does happen… what is the responsibility of the school for seeing to your son’s well being? The attending psychiatrist at a university hospital may or may not be the most important resource. What are the mental health services on site at the schools your son is considering??</p>
<p>FWIW my son’s best friend from HS graduated from Swarthmore. On one particularly interesting 3 hour car ride with that young man he told me (because I am a professional in the field, not only a parent of an at risk child myself) about the rampant use of non-prescribed Adderall by the Swarthmore students. He and I debated the safety, ethics and legality of this for hours. Just because he was smart enough to attend Swarthmore did not make him any less vulnerable (and he had no specific risk factors) to illegal drug usage of a controlled substance while attending. In fact, he was smug about having gotten away with it… to his way of thinking. He also had major issues with internet addiction as a freshman and definitely underachieved overall. Again, he had no risk factors and that was his Swarthmore experience. </p>
<p>The work I do did not make my child immune from these challenges, but it has informed me over and over that anything less than transparency with oneself and others is inevitably a bad idea. </p>
<p>It seems to me that you have blurred the line between acknowledging his gains and protecting him from himself a little bit. If you did not feel he should apply to certain schools because of your concerns, you should not have let him apply. You are his parent, not his friend. IF not being allowed to do what he wanted would be enough to tip him over and cause him to have problems again, then he is not ready… in spite of his ‘recovery.’</p>
<p>I am sorry to sound harsh. I have spent 2 years getting my child well and have listened to the experts who have told me tow the line, to be unafraid when it comes to making the hard decisions. When my child applies, she will speak to her remarkable growth and it will be compelling! Anyone who doesn’t want her doesn’t deserve her. She knows it.</p>
<p>@TheThirdTime Once I got to the end of your comment, I realized that you didn’t mean to sound harsh. I can tell that you’re a mother who has been through a similar situation, explaining your strong feelings about it. I personally have been given similar advice, although one of the big pieces of advice I have been given is to allow my child to do what makes him happy, within my comfort limits. I have decided that I do not want to force him to go to a school that he dislikes solely because I would feel more comfortable with him being there. I believe that in order for him to progress in his recovery, I have to slowly let go of the leash. That is why I am making sure that he continues with his medication (of course, he wants to be on his medication anyway) and why I will continue to do hair analysis for a while during his time at college. Three years ago, I was even much more of a helicopter parent than I am today. After all that we have been through, I feel privileged to allow myself to worry over the college admissions process. The last three lines of your comment sum up exactly how my soon feels about his essays. My son knows what he needs to do to ensure his healthiness, and I know what I need to do in order to ensure that he stays healthy as well. Thats why I am making sure that he stays under the care of a psychiatrist while at school. Just as you know your daughters needs and capabilities, I know know my son’s. </p>
<p>Two more comments, though:
1.) The abuse of adderall is prevalent among campuses nationwide-college and high school. It is not a situation unique to any environment, and is one of the drugs that is actually more prevalent in higher-regarded institutions. While the academic environment at Swarthmore may be more “depressing” I doubt that it is more inundated with adderall than any other comparable institution.
2.) My son’s essay to Haverford (and other schools bound by honor codes) was not untruthful in anyway. He even alluded to his mental illness; he simply did not wish to make that the focus of his piece. His senior thesis project deals with teen drug abuse, which is why he chose that topic to write about. I hardly see it as betraying the honor code, as he would willingly share his diagnosis if asked.</p>
<p>
I’m a little puzzled as to why someone should have to reveal what is by law covered under confidentiality rules. No one is required to be told about the S’s mental health problems any more than they have to know whether he has a hernia. </p>
<p>
OP, I feel a bit concerned that these schools don’t really seem like “safeties”. </p>
<p>While I’m sure the S will be admitted to at least some of these, the final list he has to choose from may be smaller than you would like. SylvanS also had an ACT of 34 with a somewhat lower GPA and we didn’t consider anything with less than a 40% acceptance rate a safety.</p>
<p>
Well, indeed, there is a tremendous difference. I am a diabetic and my child has a mental illness, so I know the difference. It’s true that we both have to take our medications, but my disease does not affect my mind (unless I haven’t eaten enough, but that is a short-lived problem and easily controlled by having a glass of oj). By contrast, his disease can play havoc for many less-predictable reasons and can totally affect his mind for long periods at a time and is not easily regulated once it goes out of whack.</p>
<p>In another post, you wrote: *people tend to be much more prejudiced about mental illness than drug abuse. * Not so! I do not feel prejudiced about a mental illness or about a drug addiction, but the issues are very different. If your son has a mental illness that requires ongoing medication, then he is “not cured”. While one can say that having an addiction never goes away either, but there is a recovery period and then hopefully a sense of normalcy.</p>
<p>As a side joke, people I haven’t seen for awhile ask me how my diabetes is and I say, “Oh it’s cured!” Ha! … Only until my next meal.</p>
<p>I completely understand with your sentiments. I actually wanted him to consider more safeties, but throughout this process he has sometimes forgotten to take into account that he isn’t a conventional applicant, either.</p>
<p>However, we are fairly certain that he will get into these schools, particularly St. Lawrence. His school has a very good relationship with SLU, he had a good interview, and SLU’s average act and gpa are much below his stats on his naviance. He also has been accepted to UVM.</p>
<p>However, part of the reason I originally started this thread was because I didn’t like many of his safeties. However, he and his father are big fans of SLU and Trinity if he ends up going there. He would even be happy going to UVM, as he got some money there (although we have told him not to worry about that part.) But, thank you for the advice about the safeties, had he not already gotten into UVM we would have tried to have him apply to more.</p>
<p>He was originally going to do Bard IDP and found out in November, but he ultimately decided that he could not see himself at Bard.</p>
<p>@limabeans You are definitely correct in that the diseases obviously affect people very, very differently. I was only trying to point out that the diseases all require constant attention, and is not something that just goes away. Of course, it is also always important that my son be sure to monitor if his medication seems to be acting differently. So far he has only experienced a change in his medication once, but he has had a few times when he has checked with his psychiatrist just to make sure. We also remind him, though, that it is normal to sometimes feel depressed, and that he is the only person that can be the judge of whether it is his mental illness or if it is just a normal response to daily life. Luckily, he has had a good deal of time to adjust to this.</p>
<p>I also suppose that I have made this assumption about prejudices based on my experiences with people I have come into contact with and then made a generalized statement. In my community, I have often met people who have no qualms discussing one anothers alcoholism, but shy away from discussing mental health issues. Of course, I personally tend to roll my eyes and decline to participate in such conversations about other people, but that has just been something I’ve noticed around the people that I see during social events on a regular basis.</p>