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<p>Where did UCSB come from? I thought this OP was talking about Santa Clara Univesity and JC.</p>
<p>Ooops, my bad.</p>
<p>Changed. Thanks.</p>
<p>Family motto here: Don’t close doors you cannot reopen.
$14,300 x 4 is a door we wouldn’t be closing in our house for a financially precarious JC system.</p>
<p>OP, Have you been explicit about the fact that after 2 years at JC (assuming he could get all his courses), he would be in the position of entering a 4-year college as a transfer student, with much less financial aid? Or hasn’t the idea of going to JC come up?</p>
<p>(1) Your son probably has no idea how wearying 2+ hrs of daily driving can be. How about asking those SJ relatives if he can live with them next week and commute to/from HS in rush hour traffic? After a week of that he may not be so keen on commuting.</p>
<p>(2) Will Santa Clara allow him to defer for a semester or a year? Perhaps he can work, attend JC, and see how things develop with the GF – while keeping his options open at SCU, and maybe maturing a bit, too.</p>
<p>If you ask about deferring admissions at Santa Clara, ask about deferring the merit aid also. Some schools WILL defer admissions but will NOT offer merit aid the following year. AND some schools absolutely will NOT allow merit aid awards to students who attend a different COLLEGE during their deferral year. In fact, that is not a reason for deferral at most places.</p>
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<p>Have you heard the saying that if you keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same results? You keep asking him the same question, he’s going to keep giving you the same answer. </p>
<p>Have you sat him down and explained that that is not an option? So long as he’s under the impression that you and your husband are going to pay for him to do as he pleases, then he’s not going to budge. Why should he?</p>
<p>In my opinion, it’s past time to take back some control of this situation. Tell him that it’s simply not safe and therefore simply not an option. Tell him if you find out he’s coming home more often than on the weekends, he’ll loose the car. Let him have all the facts and then see where he goes with it. </p>
<p>Once you change your end of the conversation, his end of the conversation will have to change as well. Until you do that, it will simply be more of the same. And more gray hair!</p>
<p>At first glance, I felt that the choice you’ve offered makes sense (either SC on campus or the JC). But the more I think about it, the more I see the merit in your H’s stance “SC, or you’re on your own.” There’s a maturity issue at the root of the problem, perhaps best addressed by a gap year.</p>
<p>As a parent, I would not be committing my funds unless my student was fully engaged in a responsible course of action. As you describe it, Santa Clara seems to be the right fit, and his reasons for the JC are immature and superficial. I would wait until he’s matured sufficiently to accept the generous gift that you both want to provide for him - be it SC, JC, or some other well-reasoned plan.</p>
<p>lol pmk, where were you a year ago… you are so right, as i posted that is where we spent 2 months, both digging in heels and getting nowhere. we took the reins…all worked out well</p>
<p>Once our kids become young adults, parents should legitimately expect some adult-level thinking. It’s time to lift the discussion up to that level.</p>
<p>Adding in one data point, because I kind of spaced out on the merit aid issue:</p>
<p>My S was accepted to SCU with merit aid. He chose to go elsewhere. The elsewhere was Tulane, which dropped his major… so he <em>had</em> to transfer. Re-accepted to SCU with NO merit aid. He chose a different option. </p>
<p>So if the merit aid is important, I would check on how they treat that. Because their “policy” or typical approach may vary for transfers in from a CCC vs. a transfer from another 4-year. I do know that they have articulation agreements with some (all?) CCCs, so they may also offer merit aid to them.</p>
<p>Of course, he’d have to have a record that warrants it, if they do offer such.</p>
<p>“There’s just not enough hours in the school day to go to class, study, commute for 2 hours, AND spend time with the GF.”</p>
<p>Agreed. There’s no way I’d go into debt to fund what I believed to be an unreasonable, wasteful, risky plan. The typical college freshman will skip class sometimes because it’s an uphill walk, never mind two hours round trip. Maybe your son could manage all this and still be successful, but I would not be willing to fund an expensive experiment. His odds are much better living on campus. If he wants to go to the expensive private school, he needs to go in with both feet and maximize the odds of success.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for your continued responses. We are not going to let him commute, so if he chooses Junior College, I guess he really doesn’t want to go to Santa Clara badly enough (better to find that out before we spend that kind of money I guess). Sometimes we seem to want things for our kids that they don’t apparently want for themselves. Jmmom, we know if he chooses the JC that the merit aide is not going to happen as a transfer student, even if his grades become better than they are now. The person in the financial aid office told us that as well. Mister K, I just can’t tell him he is on his own if he chooses JC. This is a kid who has never given us one bit of trouble his entire life and I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. Maybe that means I am too much of a softie, but not going to happen here. Our son is taking placement tests at the JC tomorrow (ones he wouldn’t even have to take if he went to a state school - go figure), and going to Santa Clara’s preview days next weekend. We want him to have a good sense of what he is giving up if he chooses the JC plan. I will keep you all posted. Thank you again for all the insightful advice. I have really appreciated it. With a few exceptions, it has seemed like overall everyone feels allowing a freshman to commute that far is a bad idea (especially with bay area traffic).</p>
<p>My advice is to keep quiet for the next 2 weeks- let him mull over his options. Let him know he can ask you questions, but you have spoken your piece and its now up to him to decide. This tactic works wonders with Senior boys who want the independence to make up their own mind. Give it to him.</p>
<p>I like the idea of having him live with the Santa Clara relatives for one week and commute to hs. He might find out that his plan is just not realistic.</p>
<p>Good luck to you!</p>
<p>well i will keep my fingers crossed for you! I hope that he really likes his preview days at SC and that he finds a way to reconcile his education and his girlfriend. Hopefully he will come to see, that if meant to be, seeing her on weekends is still a good thing. There are alot of kids on here, that are at colleges thousands of miles from their girlfriends/boyfriends.</p>
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<p>That was me paraphrasing your husband, not my suggestion. My approach would be to suggest a gap year.</p>
<p>In our family’s case, we want to support our kids’ education, but we’ll also require that they’re ready to accept that gift. In the case you describe, my wife and I would probably choose to delay until he matures sufficiently.</p>
<p>“Also, any way to get some support from the girl friend and/or her family on this? If she can honestly also say to him that they could see each other over the weekends and sometimes once or so during the week, skype or video chat daily, etc., this would be a great support.”</p>
<p>Listen to mamita!</p>