<p>He goes to a very good high school, and he says he prefers to go out of state for college. Did your child(ren) have the same aspirations and did they eventually change their minds?</p>
<p>*I'm worried about out of state costs. We live in N.C. Colleges/Universities here are not bad at all. I keep talking about in state public universities because they're more cost effective for our family, but he's not receptive to any of it. What do I do?</p>
<p>yes, and yes.
they change their minds a lot at that age.
You owe it to this child to tell him in advance how much you are willing/able to pay. make sure he understands if a school costs 50k yr, but you’ll chip in 10k that he must find the difference. Or, if you’ll pay 100% of any school let him know.
Don’t wait until he picks a school and maybe gets accepted, and then you say “that’s too much.”</p>
<p>You need to discuss now how much you can afford, and what that means to him in terms of how he will be paying the difference. Run the numbers and come up with the $$ amount you will be able or willing to cover. Some families will cover the cost of instate tuition, room and board. The student then has to get enough merit money or financial aid or loans to go out of state. And he has to understand the burden of loans.</p>
<p>Once you figure out and spell out what you will do, he can then look accordingly. And the pressure is off of you.</p>
<p>I was hellbent on going to school in California and ended up very happy at a university 20 minutes from home. If it’s just the distance that he wants, it is not very hard to make an in-state university feel like out of state-- just because you’re close to home doesn’t mean you have to take advantage of that if you want the fully independent experience. I wanted to go that far (across the country, for me) because the programs there were the best, but I found a good program near home too, and I ultimately ended up changing my mind about my program anyway.</p>
<p>If you think you can’t pay for the out of state colleges, I would be up front about that right now. Don’t just keep talking about the in state publics hoping he’ll change his mind and then drop the hammer come decision time. That is along the lines of what my mom did and I did not realize the colleges I was dreaming about were actually seriously out of the question until far too late in the game for me to make the attitude adjustment required gracefully-- and that can make a student bitter and unopen to accepting the school they do end up at, which is a recipe for disaster. It is better to be honest about your concerns from the get-go to give your kid a chance to come around to the reality of the situation and still have time to consider and become attached to colleges more within his reach. If he’s anything like me, he is ignoring your talk about in-state publics because he doesn’t realize you aren’t just expressing a preference, but saying that these are his options. He needs time to accept reality and still have time to change his thinking about his own preferences.</p>
<p>My son and nearly every single one of his friends wanted to go out-of-state at the start of senior year. Most applied to one or more out of state schools and got in… and most ended up staying in state.</p>
<p>Moral of the story…what they say they want and what they actually end up doing are often very different things. Won’t sweat it at this point. A * lot* changes between junior and senior year and even between the beginning of senior year and the end of Senior year when acceptances are due. By all means, be upfront with your child about your financial limitations - you really don’t want them to get too committed to a school you can’t afford. The way most of my friends with college-bound students handle it is to say " we can afford x dollars. If you want to attend a school that is more, you will need to get scholarship money to cover the difference." It puts the burden back on them and if they’re serious they will work hard to get that scholarship money.</p>
<p>mamaof1</p>
<p>If you haven’t already run the EFC calculators, do so. There are good ones at [FinAid</a>! Financial Aid, College Scholarships and Student Loans](<a href=“http://www.finaid.org%5DFinAid”>http://www.finaid.org) and at [College</a> Calculators - savings calculators - college costs, loans](<a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>Calculate Your Cost – BigFuture | College Board) Then talk things through with your son about just exactly your family expects to pay for his education. How much will the parents chip in? How much is his responsibility? What about student loans? What about summer and school year jobs?</p>
<p>Until the money question is answered for your household, all other questions are moot.</p>
<p>We had to tell our son (we live in Virginia, and we have excellent schools) that he needed to apply to one in-state school. He really did not like any of them, but he did apply to one (got in, too). We told him that if he got into the out of state schools, he would need big-time merit money to offset the costs. We have a younger son who also wants to go to college.</p>
<p>In the end, he took a National Merit offer that covers his tuition and housing for four years. </p>
<p>What I would do is wait until you see his SAT/ACT scores. Your son may do very well, and there are a lot of schools that offer scholarships based on scores/GPA. Meanwhile, do have a talk with him about finances and what you can afford.</p>
<p>don’t let it become a conflict. You have to tell him what his budget is, and you can require that he applies to instate Us as a financial safety. Make sure he applies to at least one school where he is sure to be accepted, and you are able to afford. Leave the rest to him. He may end up at OOS private university that will cost you less than instate public if he gets significant merit aid. If you are eligible for need based aid, some top schools can be very generous.</p>
<p>NC is a big state with a lot of good schools. We live in NC. Both our kids went with instate publics (by choice).
One is four hours from home. He might as well be oos.<br>
Your S might change his mind before application time rolls around. </p>
<p>Agree with all those who said show him some real numbers and give him a dollar amt. that you can afford. We told ours well before app. time that we would fund cost of instate public and anything else was on them. Both could have chosen differently (using scholarships) but were happy to go to our state u’s.</p>
<p>mamaof1 - Have you taken him to visit some of the NC schools yet? We are also in NC and my oldest just started at Chapel Hill. A few years ago we showed him how much we had saved in his college account. We made it clear that he could go to a state school without any debt, but if he went to a private school (without merit money), the loans would be his to repay. He thinks he would like to go to med school and decided that debt free was the way to go for undergrad. Lucky for us, NC colleges are great, so he didn’t feel he had to give up anything. I also have a junior and we had the same talk with him. He is choosing to look at private schools in other states and that is okay. He’ll never know what type of merit he might get unless he applies. He’ll apply, we’ll look at where he gets accepted, and then look at all the pros and cons.</p>
<p>I thank you all for the great advice, and will show him the money, and what is affordable for us. I’ve had the talk about affordability. I’ve told him about “good” solid educational opportunities at our wonderful schools here, and I tell you, his eyes glaze over. He is a bright student, and I don’t know if I created this “monster” by telling him he really can get it all. I guess I forgot to mention, at a cost. </p>
<p>He’s had visits and tours of a few of our universities here, but the tours at the time perhaps because of his age did not mean as much as they would now or in the fast approaching upcoming year. I think we will need to revisit a few of the schools. </p>
<p>I also think I need to re-educate myself on the benefits of merit monies. I have preferred to think only about what I could afford without the aid of merit or scholarships.</p>
<p>Mama, You may already understand this but just in case: Need based financial aid and merit money are two different things. As a rough rule the colleges that are the most generous with need based aid, generally don’t offer merit money. There are exceptions, of course, so you need to check one by one.</p>
<p>The first step as advised above is to use an on-line calculator to determine your estimated expected contribution. Again, this isn’t carved in stone and EFC’s vary – sometimes widely – from college to college. Often, what they think you can afford may not align with what you think you can afford. But it will give you a starting point.</p>
<p>If it looks as if need based aid won’t be coming your way, then your son should focus on college that offer merit aid. This will be a significantly different list from those that offer need.</p>
<p>It’s water under the bridge (40 years ago, yikes!) but I grew up in a state with an excellent in-state publics. My family wouldn’t event hear of my applying out of state. I graduated from Big State U and received an excellent education, but honestly, it wasn’t a good fit for me at the time.</p>
<p>We now live overseas and don’t really have a homestate (at least for admissions) so when it was time for my son to apply, he had an open field. He ended up going to a small private LAC and had a vastly better experience than I did at Big State U. </p>
<p>My point here is not that Big State U’s are inferior, but that FIT is critical. Listen to what your son is saying: not just the negative, but the positives. Not just what he doesn’t want, but what he does want. Why does he feel that the NC universities are not right for him? What appeals to him OOS? If his reasons are rational (e.g., not because of perceived prestige or because of peer pressure) then try to work out a win-win situation.</p>
<p>its not up to him if you are the one paying. Tell him if he wants to pay, or atleast pay the difference that is fine, but he cant make you pay twice as much for an equal eduction</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Yes. No.</p>
<p>We told our son what we could afford (roughly instate tuition/room/board) and that if he wanted to attend a college that cost more than that, he was going to have to make up the difference in merit scholarships (we did not qualify for need-based financial aid and would not co-sign for loans)</p>
<p>He got into our state flagship, which is an excellent university and made the rest of the process far less stressful. In the end, he did get a merit-based scholarship for full tuition at a private college in another state (we live in Texas and he is now in Massachusetts.) We are paying far less than we would if he had attended our state flagship so we are setting aside a portion of that money for his grad school. </p>
<p>I really think the key to a smooth (or at least smoother!) process is to tell them exactly how much you can afford to spend and the sooner, the better.</p>
<p>I told my kids I would pay the amount that it would cost to attend an in-state public, but that they could attend anywhere they wanted if they could get sufficient financial aid to equalize (or better) the cost. </p>
<p>So the best starting point is to determine whether your family will qualify for need-based financial aid, and encourage your son to educate himself about what sort of merit money might be available at the out-of-state colleges he is looking it. </p>
<p>It’s fine if you told your son he can “get it all” – that just doesn’t mean that YOU are going to pay for it all for him. He may have to make up the difference in scholarship money. (And depending where he looks – and what his academic credentials are – he may very well be able to attend an out-of-state university for less than the cost of attending a university in-state).</p>
<p>We are also very fortunate to live in NC, where the COA of attendance at Chapel Hill for one year is less than $20,000. Many private schools and out-of-state publics have a total COA of about $50,000 or slightly less. If a student doesn’t receive merit scholarships or need-based aid, the difference is the price of a new car–every year!</p>
<p>The key, it seems, is to apply to a variety of schools at the beginning of senior year in order to provide plenty of options when it is time for decisions at the end of senior year.</p>
<p>I’m a NC resident and I told my kids the same thing as others. I can pay enough for in-state, anything else would be their loans and/or merit money. Also, it’s important to state you will not co-sign loans as some kids (my oldest) have little idea of what large amounts of money really are, will over borrow if allowed.</p>
<p>mamaof1</p>
<p>If you and your son read through the threads in the Financial Aid Forum, the two of you will find lots of useful information about need and merit based aid at a number of institutions. You, as the parent, will also find plenty of moral support for your discussions about money. There also are three specific threads that are worth reading specifically for merit-money research. Some of the scholarships mentioned may no longer exist, but the research strategies remain useful:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/148852-what-ive-learned-about-full-ride-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/148852-what-ive-learned-about-full-ride-scholarships.html</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/291483-update-what-i-learned-about-free-ride-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/291483-update-what-i-learned-about-free-ride-scholarships.html</a>
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/848226-important-links-automatic-guaranteed-merit-scholarships.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/848226-important-links-automatic-guaranteed-merit-scholarships.html</a></p>
<p>We told our boys what we could spend. We took the kids on a few look see trips in the fall of junior year to nail down big vs. small and what region they were interested in. We had a “parent choice” application which for both my current college students was an in-state public. The kids then did some research and put together a list of schools that were feasible for acceptances with a high probability of being affordable. Their criteria in our case were size, proximity to skiing and water, rural not urban, available majors, cost and reputation (in their mind) and their perception of the kids that attend (take that anyway you want, it was “their” variable. We visited colleges in the spring. S2 had one school with a lower probability of acceptance and one school with a low probability of being affordable but he understood and accepted both the consequence of not being accepted or the consequence of not being affordable. Our federal EFC was spot on about what we could afford but we were leary of what our Profile costs would be. I would not immediately discount looking out of state, but use the vast knowledge on here and everything you can get your hands on from the colleges to help discern the differences. You really need to talk, talk, talk, to your son to figure out what “kind” of college he is interested in. Yes, for many kids it might simply be the “getting our of Dodge” factor, but there may be other kernals of information that he will share that will help you pull a list together that is acceptable to you financially and acceptable to your son based on his “wish” list. We as parents were not hung up on selectivity, the public that both boys chose was not the flagship but each found one public they really liked although both had the stats to go to the flagships but these are huge, huge institutions and both preferred smaller more intimate colleges and campuses. #3 has the huge flagship firmly in sight as his ‘first choice’ so kids are different. Unless you are totally into selectivity let your son take the lead in “picking” the in-state public.</p>
<p>He considers himself a “quirky” kid, (seems to be a fashionable adjective these days amongst our youth, lol). He has mentioned the following schools: Wesleyan University, (he thinks they are quirky), Swarthmore, (he likes them for quirkiness and the smarts), University of Rochester, (he wants science and music and they have both), UMBC, (specifically their Meyerhoff program), and Hopkins, (science, again), Amherst, and Cornell, and has most recently added in Rutgers, (science). This is the short list. </p>
<p>I think we have very comparable schools in state, (for less cost). You all have provided me with great tips on how to approach the finances with him. I also plan on putting together a list of comparable schools in state, and to see if we can squeeze in a visit or two in the upcoming year.</p>
<p>I will admit that I am need blind and merit money undereducated, so, I really, really thank you for the links that have been mentioned here.</p>