Need CA reviewing NOW; transfer deadline tomorrow!!!

College Essays
1

<p>hey y'all, would anyone mind reading my activity essay? tell me if it's engaging or cliche
(tear it apart if you'd like-i encourage it if need be):
I love children, but they often bring out the worst in me. Asking me embarrassing questions and sticking gum on my clothes, the kids I tutored in high school made me think, “Stay composed; ten dollars an hour is at stake here.” But when my students sailed through exams, I took part in their joy; I helped in shaping that exuberance.
My indulgence in my pupils’ success drew me to my college’s ______________, a program that provided health education classes to high schools with inadequate health education resources. Although the students were older, and the topics taught far more mature (rape and sexual assault), my excitement in impacting others hadn’t changed. Aside from the students’ occasional giggles here and truculent sneers there, teaching was comfortable. Its fixed routine was a pillar to me, assuring me of my merits as a mentor. My qualities were acknowledged every time I was asked a relevant question, and I used my student’s recognition as positive reinforcement in connecting with my students. Teaching ultimately made me into a pillar: a strength others could be confident enough to rely on, even when I sometimes questioned its intensity.</p>

<p>any opinions? is it engaging, corny, cliche, interesting,mundane, anything special? very special or not at alll?ugh ugh ugh procratination!!!!</p>

2

<p>OMG OMG!!! My essay is so like yours. I hope we are not applying to the same schools :(</p>

3

<p>eep! hope not either. i’m applying to brown uchicago vanderbilt and wellesley. you?</p>

<p>and how was my ec essay btw?</p>

4

<p>Thank God :slight_smile: I am applying to Tufts and WashU!!</p>

<p>And your essay is ok I would say. Make it more descriptive if you can. It seems a bit vague if you ask me. For eg.

Change the passive verbs and stick to your tenses.</p>

5

<p>ok, would you say it’s engaging? after reading it, do you care about my ECs?</p>

6

<p>also, i’ve already exceeded the word limit, so adding more description will be difficult, i’m omitting that sentence you pointed out.</p>

7

<p>See I can get your description, but that is the problem, it merely sounds like a description. But after reading your essay, I can say that you care about what you are doing.</p>