Our sophomore son is smart but typical lazy teenager. He knows he wants to do engineer but has no clue what major or career he should take. He goes to regular public high school. Has lame friends and in stuck in his room surfing ifunny.
He dreams and talk about going to top engineering colleges but has no desire to work on his grades or do an extra contribution in the school. He is average B & C student.
He swims for his high school swim team but he is basically one of those many. Nothing strong or special.
My question is : will hiring a private College Counselor to help navigate through the system. and boost his interest?
Any other suggestion that as a parent we can help him.
We have talked to him and motivated him. Took away his phone etc…but it works for few days and falls off the cliff…We bought are very blessed and successful in our career.
TIA!!!
If the kid doesn’t want to focus on math and science in high school – and take advanced courses and earn good grades – then becoming an engineer is totally out of the realm of possibility.
I second @Madison85 in his sentiments. Do not spend the money. Engineering is clearly out as an academic major for your son, especially if he is a heavy “gamer.” St. John’s University (Minn.) 6 or 7 years ago researched why grade performance of numerous male students was lower than equally-credentialed female students (at sister College of St. Benedict), and they discovered the one variable was the male students’ propensity to videogame.
Use the money for some gentle, cognitive-counseling.
One thing that might help is tour a few colleges so that your son sees the differences between different schools and perhaps one or more sparks his interest. For my DS, once he became excited about college and had a goal school in mind, he became more focused. Another idea would be to buy or take out of the library a copy of the Fiske guide to colleges and leave it out where your son can see it and peruse. You could also ask him to look through and pick out a few schools that he thinks sound appealing and then look to see what the admission stats – grades and test scores – are for those schools.
My vote is that smart but lazy as a 10th grader is not incompatible with successful engineering student in college. But there’s nothing anyone but him can do to effect the transformation.
I’m curious why you say that he wants to do engineering, but follow up immediately with a statement that he doesn’t know what to do for a major or career. If he wants to do engineering, that’s a pretty specific major and career for a 10th grader.
My vote is to not spend money on a college counselor. If you want to do some CBT (I know a great PhD psychologist local to me who works almost entirely with boys who don’t like school, so such people exist!), and your son sees value in that, go for it. If you want to do tours or scatter books, and your son wants to go along, go for it. But he’s the one who has to see the value and do the work. He might like vo-tech classes, if those are available through your school. Community college will always be available, and is a fine way for a late bloomer to get into engineering.
I don’t think a college counsellor can help you. Take him on some college tours in some of these programs he is interested in–especially to “engineering day” which many colleges have. Let him see what they are looking for. He will either step it up or he won’t. Being average isn’t a crime. Once his test scores come back you’ll know where he falls and can direct efforts to the appropriate channels.
I’m a private counselor. You have the kid you have. I can help a family make the most of the kid they have. I can’t change the kid you have. @redpoodles has good advice.
There are less selective schools with engineering that a B/C student may be admitted to. But succeeding at engineering, or any college major for that matter, requires more self motivation and self discipline than typically needed to earn B/C grades in high school.
Some students do step it up later and succeed in college after mediocrity in high school, though later often means after high school graduation, or after several years of work or military service after high school graduation.
we are sort of in the same boat , have a freshman son not very motivated, physician parents, and older child an overachiever (in ivy-level college right now). For him, it is both an issue of not being mature yet, to just not having the personality/intellect like us ( parents) or his older sibling who are overachievers/overcompetitive types – so we have learned to accept him, give him support and realize that he is not going to go to a superselective college, but will still be successful and happy in his chosen field or path.
@vadmom I can tell you what helped to light a fire under one of our kiddos who was not feeling the need to work to his potential early on in High School.
We had him work out two budgets with us based on living expenses. One spreadsheet used an average salary for a fast food manager. The other used the average starting salary for an engineering graduate. (Kid is a math/science type) After listing rent, food, electricity and all the basics, it became clear to our kid that “going the extra mile” was worth it. We told him that he was welcome to choose his own path in life and that many adults live in apartments and don’t take vacations. The one thing we promised him was that he would be out of our home at the conclusion of his education and that his quality of lifestyle was his choice.
Kid got the message and did graduate in the top 10% of his class. Somewhere along the way, he came to enjoy using his brain to be the “expert in the room.” He’s about to graduate from college with a double major in Electrical and Computer Engineering / Computer Science.
The brilliant slackers sometimes need to be shown that the effort is worth it!
Hiring an external college counselor might be a waste of money if your son has no desire to put in any effort on his part. It’s one of those situations in which you can lead a horse to water, but can’t make him drink. I like the suggestion of having your kid work out 2 different household budgets based on the different salaries.
@PokeyJoe has a very interesting idea, but first I would ask your son to sit down with you one time when you pay the bills. And show him one of your pay stubs, too.
Young people often don’t realize how much of a person’s gross salary goes toward boring stuff like taxes, health insurance, utilities, groceries, phone and cable bills, car repairs, and medical stuff. It can be shocking to see that thousands of dollars a month go to these things – before any money is spent on anything that’s fun or interesting.
you could also tell him if he doesn’t shape up, you won’t pay for college and he will have to join the military, get a job, or pay his own way thru community college and then to finish his BA/BS
@Wien2NC We have friends who did take the very painful path of telling their son they wouldn’t pay. In that case, the young man started drinking in high school and the parents felt like the behavior would continue. He did join the military and is now, 6 years later, completely turned around, responsible, and has decided to continue his service.
Agree with taking him to either an open house at a school he’s thinking he’ll be going to or set an appointment with the admissions officer. My friend did this with her son, who was in a high school IB program. The AO just looked at him and said “You’re not getting in here with those grades.” Kid did a 180 and did go to that school, as did his younger brother and sister who learned from the oldest and never let their grades fall.
I have a friend with a similar situation. GPA is 3.1, ACT is 34. I think he’ll get into engineering programs, but it won’t be as easy as it would have been if he’d turned in some homework and worked a little harder.
As a swimmer, he should know how it works. He can dream all he wants about qualifying for the Olympic Swim Team, but if he “has no desire to work on” his swimming performance in his present school’s pool, then getting into the “top” competitive arenas isn’t going to happen. The same thing applies to college admissions.
I don’t see what a college counselor is going to do, other than to convince him to recalibrate his expectations.
