<p>calla, my older son does not have Asperger’s as far as I know, but he’s pretty close. He never had a lot of friends, lots of sensitivity issues (from scratchy tags to complaining movies are too loud). He can only socialize for so long - he frequently leaves parties after an hour or two. He basically had three friends in high school. What a difference college made. He went to the School of Computer Science at Carnegie Mellon and his social life revolved around the Linux cluster. Contacts there helped him find internships. His junior year he lived off campus in a house with a bunch of friends. </p>
<p>This is not to say it’s all perfect. He ended up in an apartment alone senior year. He’s graduated and has a great job, but I think his weekends are often lonely. He did go off this week on a work sponsored ski trip though. We’re still waiting for any sign of a significant other!</p>
<p>Anyway the short answer is that for a techie geeky kid to be surround by his tribe was great.</p>
<p>Just an update to everyone who’s been so kind to weigh in. I tried to broach this subject with DS and failed miserably. I was going to use the approach of one of the enlightened posters here (about the continuum of various skills, social, academic, etc.) and said, “You know how your uncle and grandfather can tend to have trouble connecting socially sometimes?” We have discussed this before, so I thought I was on solid footing. But DS seemed to intuit where I was headed, because he responded with “My uncle and grandfather get along in the world just fine! Not everybody is going to conform to the average, and I don’t think that should be the expectation.” I tried a couple of other approaches, but he quickly outmaneuvered me. So. </p>
<p>I’ve taken another approach and connected with the mom of one of his friends to organize a Friday night activity club with five or six students from school. Meddling, I know. I just so want him to have the experience of meeting up with friends outside of class – knowing how rewarding a group of good friends can be.</p>
<p>I am heartened by all those who said their DS’s and DD’s developed good friends in college! I’m drawing much comfort from reading about your experiences.</p>
<p>I realize you wanted to try…but I really think it would be better if it was approached by a professional. Someone who would know how to deal with him if he tries to deny it.</p>
<p>midwestmom, supports for students are all over the board. There are quite a few schools that have really good support programs. Trying to find all that info is why I put together a site with the info: [Spectrum</a> U](<a href=“http://spectrumu.■■■■■■■■■■■■■%5DSpectrum”>http://spectrumu.■■■■■■■■■■■■■). If there’s a school you’re wondering about that I haven’t gotten to, let me know and I’ll track it down.</p>
<p>Although my children are not on the spectrum, I have worked with many that are. It is important to note a few key things:
To get services a dx must be made by the appropriate professional (neuro, pedia-neuro, psych, etc.) within one year of entering college. So if your son will need support services you need to have a new evaluation prior to the start of the school year. Previous classifications do not usually carry over.</p>
<p>2) Kids that mention they may be socially immature or have spent too much time studying rather than cultivating friends are aware of their challenges. A label is not always necessary,and in fact may be inaccurate, but as soon as the mention of social inadequacy is made, opening it up for discussion is very beneficial. It would be helpful to mention that since little time was spent among peers, some socially acceptable things may not have been learned. You can then progress to social stories, or discussing potential social situations and what is/is not acceptable. A script with leading questions is also very handy. If he is so inclined, practicing with you might be helpful. </p>
<p>3) Since interests and pragmatic abilities vary so enormously among kids on the spectrum what is good for one child is not necessarily good for another. If your son is open to pursuing many interests, particularly those at which he has not hyperfocused, an LAC might be a wonderful experience to keep opening his interests up further. </p>
<p>4) If he is not used to activities with 5 or 6 kids, I would give him a “script” prior to the first gathering. </p>
<p>5) Also, although he may want friends, he may be more comfortable with a simple 2 or so rather than a group. Unfortunately what you envision as the best for him may not actually be what he would be most comfortable with. </p>
<p>It sounds like you have done an incredible job assisting him to navigate through life so far, I am sure at college he will find his niche.</p>
<p>There are reasons this category is being overhauled for the DSM-5. It’s not cancer staging, this is psych, and these diagnoses can be judgment calls. </p>
<p>It is within this young man’s rights not to own the label if he doesn’t want it or agree with it, and it need not be forced upon him as something he must “accept.”</p>
<p>I’m still not convinced that a “diagnosis” will make any difference. If he knows that he has social differences and he’s OK with that, or explores how to change if he wants to, then labelling is pointless. It doesn’t seem like he needs special services in college. Maybe just some prompts to be more social. I say, give it time.</p>
<p>Breakthrough conversation with DS last night!!! He initiated it. (I think he had been mulling over my attempt to speak with him about this last week.) He asked questions about how best to compensate for social deficits – whether his grandfather and uncle had had difficulty making friends at this age, etc. No labels involved, but he seemed to be very interested in strategies for overcoming his lonely, academic existence. Today, AT THIS MOMENT, he is at the house of a school friend, with three others from his hs, just hanging out, talking, cooking a meal together. Wow. Three and half years and this has never happened ONCE. I feel like crying, the good kind of crying, the joyful kind.</p>
<p>Thank you, CC friends! So grateful for your words of encouragement!</p>
<p>@Visionary77 Im glad you had a break through. Im sure all kids are different but my son seemed to be relieved when he was diagnosised at 17. Maybe your son will feel some of his internal stuff relived also.</p>
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<p>I was speaking as a parent of a son diagnosised at 17 with Aspergers. My son has a sense of relief and ownership of his diagnosis. Im sure not everyone would react the same way but I was talking about my son and he was told by a doctor. I know that if it had come from me he would have completely denied that there was any issues at all.
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<p>I have 4 kids with 4 diagnosis - 2 type 1 diabetes, 1 bi-polar and 1 with aspergers. It has been my experience that labeling some times is not meaning less. My kids were always taught after diagnosis to own it and learn to work with it. It gave them power not to hide in the closet. Will this approach work for all of course not but I think at times some people should try it.</p>
<p>^ same. I was diagnosed at the age of 17. It made a lot of things “click” for me. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Its just a quark i have and thats all there is too it.</p>
<p>Yay Visionary! I know how wonderful it feels to have your child feel connected to others. I hope this leads to future success in social interaction for your son.</p>
<p>Visionary, Knowledge is power. I encourage you to keep the discussion flowing. Tell him everything–diagnosis, results of testing when he was young, etc. Encourage him to search the internet for info about AS. The more he understands about it, the more he’ll understand himself as well as non-AS people. Also, try to have new testing done and official paperwork (diagnosis, etc.) filed with the disability office at the college he plans to attend.</p>