Need help with academic appeal

Applying to College
1

<p>I am very nervous about this.
I also feel like it is very poorly written.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks</p>

<p>Dear Sir or Madam:
My ID number is *** and I am writing this letter to appeal my exclusion from University which I previously attended in the summer of 2011. I was upset, but not surprised to learn that I had reached this point and I understand that it is a fault of my own choices and actions. I have learned a valuable lesson from this experience and I would like to apologize for my previous lack of success. I am not trying to make any excuses for my work, grades, and very poor academic performance, but I would like to share and explain the circumstances.<br>
Coming to University in the fall of 2009 was already tough to begin with and I was not prepared because I did not have the support group I needed from my parents since they were going through a long divorce battle before and during my first year. I was not able to focus on my studies as soon as school started since the only parent I had a relationship with anymore, my mother, was diagnosed with a severe case of rheumatoid arthritis. She was barely able to do miniscule things and basically became bedridden. I went home pretty much every weekend and also many school days trying to help her out. After seeing my abysmal start to my first year of school I planned on turning it around in the summer. My home situation made me very distracted even at school and I was unable to focus on my schoolwork. Unfortunately my mind went into other things when my mother would have to have total hip replacement. Seeing my mother’s body deform and disintegrate in front of my eyes was painful. She was depressed and though not clinically diagnosed, I became depressed. My mother had the surgery at the end of the 2010 with a few months recovery period. For the spring semester and summer semester school was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted my mother to get better. Fortunately this came true with the help of modern medicine and a drug called Orencia months after which completely put her RA symptoms in remission. Unfortunately due to my poor academic performance I was not able to return to school for the fall semester of 2011.
These past two years away from school have really opened my eyes on whom and what I want to become in life. Since the day I was accepted into University. I was always told higher education is vital to your future and who I become. I had a bright outlook about succeeding. Unfortunately things did not work out for my academic career as I planned they would. If accepted back into University I know I would succeed. Many things have a changed for better in my life during my time off. My mother has the same if not better attitude than before the divorce and diagnosis. Also I have developed a decent relationship with my dad again on top of my parents speaking to each other again. I have kept a job that I love for the past two years and accomplished things there that I would’ve never knew I could accomplish. All of these things have brought upon a new found confidence in me and the only thing missing is an opportunity for me to further my education into something I want to make a career in which is in the field of accounting.
I got off on a bad start my first years, but the grades I received do not reflect my capabilities, and I would like to be given another chance to display my real potential. I have a few things that will help me in mind:
• The first thing I plan on doing if accepted is to retake the classes I failed and to take advantage of the repeat to replace policy.
• I will take a total of only 12 credits to boost my GPA past its minimal requirements.
• I will contribute to the university to the university in a positive way and use my time more effectively towards my studies and becoming more involved in on-campus activities.
• I will construct a study time table to organize homework assignments and preparations for exams.
• I will start visiting my professors during office hours in order to keep up with the work and build meaningful relationships with my professors.
• I will never let my personal matters interfere with my college life again.
When taking this appeal into consideration I know I have an uphill battle and have failed classes multiple times but also consider that I have two of my biggest and only support staff fully behind me this time. I hope to be a comptroller one day. I’ve always liked how it is part accounting and part political. I am a good student who made some mistakes. My college education is a critical step in achieving my future career goals. I am now very aware of the challenges I will be facing, and I can better prepare myself to study successfully. I am determined to concentrate on my education and get the most out of my college experience, and I would be very grateful for another opportunity to do so if you could see your way to readmitting me on a probationary basis.</p>

<p>Thank you very much for taking the time to consider my appeal.</p>

<p>Sincerely yours,</p>

2

<p>You’ve established a clear writing voice, which overall is a very good thing. But your witting is a bit awkward and imprecise. I wouldn’t go over 250 words (one page), keeping your voice but tightening up everything else. Also have a better hook for the first paragraph. GL</p>

3

<p>It’s just plain too long. It needs to be much more focused. Don’t recite the entire series of unfortunate events; come to the point quickly. Don’t, for example, wax rhapsodic about modern medicine; the University doesn’t need to know which medication made your mother better. Don’t make this flowery, and don’t spend a lot of words painting a picture. This isn’t that kind of writing.</p>

<p>Explain succinctly what interfered with your academic work before, and what you’ll do to rehabilitate yourself academically if you’re reinstated. Spend most of your words (and I agree–you shouldn’t go much over 250 of them) persuading the reader both that you can make satisfactory academic progress if reinstated, and that you will. Knowing what you should do is of little value by itself; the university needs to have reason to believe that you will carry out your plan successfully.</p>

<p>You may have faced difficult circumstances. That may be sad, but “sad” isn’t a university’s business. And make no mistake this is about business, not sympathy. Unless the university has good reason to think that the obstacles that interfered with your academic work before won’t cause problems again–either because the obstacles themselves have been removed, or because you’ve figured out how to manage them–they won’t feel as if they have good reason to reinstate you. And they shouldn’t.</p>

<p>(This post, by the way, is 225 words–excluding this sentence.)</p>

4

<p>Sikorsky is 100% correct. Imagine you are in an elevator with the person who can decide your fate. You only have the time spent traveling between floors to make your case. What do you say?</p>

<p>I failed to achieve the start that I wanted because of xxxxxx <a href=“this%20xxxxxx%20should%20be%20ONE%20SENTENCE%20-%20something%20along%20the%20lines%20of%20-%20I%20had%20to%20spend%20considerable%20time%20at%20home%20being%20the%20sole%20caregiver%20for%20my%20mother,%20who%20was%20diagnosed%20with%20a%20disease%20that%20made%20her%20bedridden%20for%20X%20period%20of%20time%20and%20required%20her%20to%20have%20surgery%20which%20left%20her%20incapable%20of%20caring%20for%20her%20own%20needs.”>i</a>.*</p>

<p>However, that situation has changed as my mother’s surgery was successful, her case is now in remission and it is no longer necessary for me to be her full-time caretaker.</p>

<p>I would like the chance to redeem myself academically. My plan for doing so is XXXXX.</p>

5

<p>At the risk of seeming like some kind of mutual admiration society, I gotta say, take Pizzagirl’s advice here.</p>