<p>I have to finish my essay for UT by tomorrow, I had my essays done, but I didn't like them so I'm trying to rewrite them. The topic for this essay is:
Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.
(I'm not done yet but I just need help making sure what I'm doing is fine)</p>
<p>When I think of what my goals in life are I think of a quote from John Lennon about when he was a kid and a teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. When he was asked he answered Happy, and when the teacher responded by telling him he didnt understand the point of the assignment, he said to her You dont understand life. I think he understood perfectly well what the right goal in life was, whats the point of living life if youre not happy with it? And of course everyone believes theyd be happy with a great paying job that will give them whatever they want, but theyll never be happy unless they enjoy what they are doing.
Throughout high school Ive tried to join as many clubs as possible because I like being busy. No matter what day of the week it was, I always had something to do, and some place to be. And because of this Ive learned to prioritize the many things in my life, from school to my personal life; Instead of spreading myself thin trying to do everything at once I was able to come up with a way to balance my work and play. With being able to balance my schedule I was able to enjoy the many things I joined, all of which I loved (which is what motivated me to stay in them). The club that I enjoyed the most out of all them was band, because in band I learned so much more than notes and rhythms, I learned about life.
I learned that even when everyone is totally different, when youre doing something that you love and you have that in common with other people, the little things dont matter.</p>
<p>It’s too wordy on some places. relate the first and the second paragraph more clearly. Be precise; you are just running around the topic.</p>
<p>This is what I’ve done so far, I just need to fix it up: </p>
<p>When I think of what my goals in life are I remember John Lennon’s response when asked about what he wanted to be when he grew up. “Happy”, was all he said. They said he didn’t understand the question, but I believe he understood perfectly well what the right goal in life was, happiness. I believe that whether you are successful or not in life, is determined mostly by whether you are happy or not in what you are doing. Everyone has high aspirations in life, but should the amount of money you make be the only factor in determining what you want to do? I want to be a psychiatrist, but it’s not just a thought that popped into my head over night, it was through many experiences that I’ve collected throughout high school that this has become my goal.
At first I had no idea what I wanted, so I tried to join as many clubs as I could to find where my niche was. Through my joining of so many clubs I learned to prioritize the many things in my life, in both school and my personal life. Instead of spreading myself thin trying to do everything all at once I was able to come up with different ways to balance both work and play. Being able to balance my work and play through scheduling, gave me the opportunity to enjoy the many things I joined, all of which I loved (which is what motivated me to stay in them). Although I never truly found my niche in a club, the one that I enjoyed the most, and had the biggest influence on me was band, because I didn’t just learn about notes and rhythms, I learned about life.
I learned that although we are all different, when we share a passion for something all the little things become irrelevant. Even when you have to wake up early every morning to get to practice, and you have to put hours into a single piece of music, when you have a passion for something it’s never a grueling task. And I think that’s the thing about band that’s had the biggest impact on my goals in life, I no longer want to get a job that will just get me a decent living, I want a job that I have a passion for and that passion for me is becoming a psychiatrist.
Being a psychiatrist, is my goal because it’ll make me happy and it’s because of the different clubs that I’ve joined that my outlook on life has become less concerned with money, and more concerned with enjoying my life.</p>
<p>1st P:
-Don’t use second person, you. Use first person so that you can explain how John Lennon’s response affected YOUR life.</p>
<p>When I think of my goals in life, I remember John Lennon’s response when asked about what he wanted to be when he grew up. “Happy”, was all he said. They said he didn’t understand the question, but I believe he understood perfectly well that happiness was the right goal in life. My success in life is determined mostly by the happiness in my deeds. Through my experiences in high school, I realized that becoming a psychiatrist was my goal.</p>
<p>2nd P:
-Be SPECIFIC about your extracurriculars. The parts about you balancing your life is just you dancing around the topic. </p>
<p>Although I never truly found my niche in a club, the one that I enjoyed the most, and had the biggest influence on me was band, because I didn’t just learn about notes and rhythms, I learned about life. </p>
<p>3rd P:
-Cut out second person, and make the first sentence specific to you instead. Explain YOUR passion for music. How do “little things become irrelevant” when you hear music? Why does it make you feel happy, and how will it help you achieve your goals?
-First you talk about why band is the biggest impact on your life, then all of a sudden you say why you want to be a psychiatrist? Wait, what happened? I’m confused. If you want to talk about how band has inspired to become one, then you should provide a transition there.
-Your essay really lacks focus. I’m not sure which one you’re passionate about: music or psychology. I’m also not sure how they are connected. Can you explain it better?</p>
<p>I learned that although we are all different, all the little things become irrelevant when we share a passion for something. Having passion for something, such creating single piece of music for hours, is never a grueling task. This is why band has had the biggest impact on my life. -WHY?- I no longer want to get a job that will just get me a decent living, I want a job that I have a passion for and that passion for me is becoming a psychiatrist.</p>