Need opinions on my essay

<p>So, I already completed my essays for the University of Illinois however I'm second guessing the first essay because of what I talk about in it. </p>

<p>Essay One is as follows:</p>

<p>Essay 1: How have your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major? If you haven’t decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.</p>

<p>The things is that I tied my goals and choice of major with a story but incorporate the involvement in a school organization in the essay. The way I understand it is, that the essay should extend beyond the transcript and test scores, however I don't know if what I have done with the essay, infringes on this. In other words I dont know if the essay can hurt my chances because of the inclusion of a school organization. The way I included the organization was by relating it to the subject matter of my intended major is and how it made me experience the process of what occurs in a setting involving the subject matter of my intended major, if that makes sense.</p>

<p>Do you think this is alright? Should I write about something else? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.</p>