Need some parental advice

Parents Forum
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<p>I need some parental advice that is not coming directly from my parents. I’ve got a couple of concerns and worries. First of all I am an older student. I am a junior this year but I am 22. This is because I’ve had to work to help pay for school. So on the exception of the last two semesters I’ve only been taking about 6-9 credits per semester. I am smart but I have to work hard for my grades. Which is fine, college is meant to challenge you. Often times the problems seems to be that I get bored reading texts books and studying flash cards so the information just doesn’t stick….Which means that I have to study a lot more than my friends. I have friends who are taking 17-20hrs a semester, work 30hrs a week, have a life and make good grades. It makes me feel like a loser for not being able to handle all of that like them. </p>

<p>My second problem is that I can’t find a major that really excites me. I had picked one but isn't exactly what I want. Don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those kids who is still "finding" herself. I know who I am. I know what I like and what I don’t like and nobody will change that. That is really the problem. I can’t find anything that just screams out to me. Even though I have a very strong sense of who I am, I don’t really know exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. I know that there are some things that I want to try out and maybe one of those things will make a big impression on me and that will be it. At my school there are a couple of majors that partially interest me, and there are some that I do really like but they would add yet another year if not more on to college. I am dead set on being done in two more years. My school offers a program where you can create your own major. Sounds great to me, and my mom seems okay with it….but I am worried that she will somehow be disappointed in me. She is one of the small handfuls of people who I actually care what they think of me and I want to make her proud. If I created my own major it would be a combination of international relations, international business, communication studies and East Asian studies (specifically China). If I was your kid telling you this how would you feel? I think I could really do something cool with it and set myself up to be qualified to do many different jobs. Thanks :-)</p>

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<p>I would be fine with the general concept of an individualized major. Naturally, I would appreciate the opportunity to hear more about it--and I would be thrilled to hear that DS/DD cared about what I thought and wanted to make me proud. </p>

<p>Given that your mom "seems ok with it", what leads you to worry that your mom might be disappointed in you?</p>

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<p>I would, quite frankly, be very impressed with the clarity of your self-image! That you know enough about yourself and the options at your school to create an interesting individualized major would thrill me as a mom.</p>

<p>Furthermore, the fact that you have to study harder than most to get the grades you want is just proof of your dedication and focus. You are not a loser! In fact, you are much more of a winner than the kids who can whip through their school work, hold down a job and still have time for hanging out with friends. Those kids aren't taking on the same challenge you are, so their accomplishments are not as great.</p>

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<p>Your interests sounds like my friend's son. He worked for a year in Wash DC, then entered a master's program in international finance.</p>

<p>Personally, I don't think most people know what they want to do or what they will be good at until the explore various career paths.</p>

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<p>That sounds luike a really interesting and potentially useful major to me. Follow your interests on this. The work will come easier to you if you do.</p>

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<p>And maybe you could utilize some of your school's support? Most schools have an Academic Support Center or something like that. If just reading and flash cards aren't working for you, they may be able to suggest different study techniques. People learn in different ways; you may just be utilizing a technique that doesn't work for you. Other, more aural or tactile techiques may work better.</p>

<p>And I'd be thrilled that my kid had a good enough sense of herself to be able to design a major!</p>

7

<p>You sound like one great kid! I'm impressed. I especially second Chedva's suggestion to go ask at Academic Support Services, or even just look on the 'net for articles about "Learning Styles" to frame good questions to bring to Ac. Support. There are self-quizzies and so on to figure out how you personally learn best. For example, when I taught First Grade, it was obvious that some kids learned with the traditional Spelling List and write the word 5 times that I grew up with, while others did better with auditory reinforcements like reciting and playing back their own respells on a tape recorder. Some were kinesthetic so they were hopping around on different vowels because they remembered through their bodies...etc.</p>

<p>You might find that reading the textbook and studying alone aren't as effective as talking it out loud to somebody. My head looked like one of those bobble-toys on the back of a dashboard when my kids went through Chemistry. They recited and "taught" me all this Stuff. I had no idea what they were ever talking about and my mind was a million years away. But they found that teaching the main points of the textbook to "somebody" caused them to reinforce it better, hearing their voice back through their own ears and especially having to choose which points to "teach." So if you can "teach" your cat, dog or teddy bear...they'll "listen" too. </p>

<p>This technique is not identical to a study-buddy, which is another approach to enliven your learning. But some kids find this more or less helpful, depending on the availability and level of the study buddy. I'm just saying you can do it as a one-way street, but say the textbook info aloud. Call a great-aunt if she'll listen to you while she's peeling potatoes..</p>

<p>On the major and "not disappointing" your Mom, it could be that all you need is confidence in your decision. I remember when my eldest came to me with a very unusual academic and career focus. I might have objected but he said, "I've thought about this a lot and I think I can take it much further and land higher than the other major" which was a more conventional major. He was so dedicated to it and was many steps ahead of me. I had no reason to fight for the major he was setting aside in the first place. But I still remember how he looked and sounded when he presented this idea to me. (He dropped pre-law for theater. And yours is already more practical so GO for it. You didn't say what the other major was and it doesn't matter, either.)</p>

<p>Your post suggests that the self-created major will save you a year of college, and I can certainly agree with that, since it's your wish. While some employers might think that a departmental major is more rigorous because you're accountable to more rules of the department, others might value or even prefer the initiative and resourcefulness of the person who put together her own plan. Which kind of employer do you imagine you'd enjoy better? I think I can guess your answer. </p>

<p>Finally, you might enjoy hearing what they taught at my teachers' college during the 1990's. They said, "Kids of the 21st century will live longer, on average, and can anticipate three distinct careers sequentially over the span of their lifetimes." They expressed that the economics are in flux and kids will be keeping up with it. The days of picking one major, and doing one career start-to-finish are disappearing. So teach them above all to be flexible, to keep updating skills, to be lifelong learners and anticipate retraining." </p>

<p>So, Prue, if you are making your best call now as to what will be needed for the future, you are doing the right thing. If it serves you well for a decade or even two, regarding work, then that's great. Later you'll retrain, jump ship and try another career if you think that's the next best move then, or you'll add on skills and another advanced degree to the direction you're now charting.</p>

<p>Sky's the limit! Good luck to you!</p>

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<p>Another parent who would be fine with an individualized major, fine with the specific combination you describe.</p>

<p>Better than fine! You like it, you're interested in it. It's an area where a lot is happening, so has real career potential as well.</p>

<p>Go for it. I can't imagine your mom will be disappointed.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>P.S. I think paying3 is so right. So what if it isn't right for you 20 or 30 years from now? Most of us have found our path through life and careers to be winding ones. Life is a process. And if you do make change(s) as you go along, your current plan will be a wonderful foundation.</p>

9

<p>Prue,</p>

<p>Good suggestions so far. I’m not sure if you’re still at a Community College or have transferred to a 4-yr program, but summer is a great time for further exploration. You’re asking the good questions, so now you just need to connect with the resources available to you.</p>

<p>You may find the most resources at your CC while you’re still considered a student. Universities also have Academic Resources and Career Guidance, but you may have to wait till you’re enrolled in the Fall. </p>

<p>Though often underused, career centers and academic resource centers can be your best friend. CCs typically have a lot of self-exploration tools to support students who are unsure of their direction from Vo-Tech, to terminal AA degrees, to 4-yr College transfer. They’re designed to serve this niche.</p>

<p>Career and academic resource centers often have tools to help choose majors and learn about career guidance, such as the Myer-Briggs Personality Profile, Strong Interest Inventory, & COPS Interest Inventory, as well as Learning Style Inventories, Temperament Styles, & Study Skills resources. </p>

<p>Often these are free if registered in the CC, whereas a private career guidance counselor would charge a lot of money for these assessments. Look for specialty classes on Career Guidance or Study Skills. These may be low-unit classes that are easy to add to your schedule.</p>

<p>Further, they have College Guidance services to choose colleges & academic programs, and learn about FA & scholarships based on your interests and your emerging plans. CCs can serve a valuable niche well beyond re-medial learning and general education transfer. </p>

<p>Since you already know yourself fairly well, you are well-equipped to make good use of these available resources. Career guidance from general career search to resume writing, interviewing & etc is a valuable life skill. Too many students, even at the University level, do not avail themselves of these valuable resources.</p>

<p>Life skills such as these can help you develop a well-thought out plan, while also giving you valuable skills to remain flexible as your needs change. These skills will help you with the many adult decisions ahead and will hopefully allay many of your Mom's concerns. </p>

<p>Good luck on your search and your journey.</p>

10

<p>Go for the unique major! It will make you stand out in the job hunt, and you will be happiest, which is what every parent wants most for their child. I wouldn't worry about what your mother thinks - she is fine with it, and I am sure she thinks you know what is best for you. If she didn't think so, she would have said so by now. I am impressed by your choice of a multi-disciplinary major. Good luck!</p>

11

<p>Thank you all so much for your reassurance and suggestions. You guys are wonderful! Someone asked why I thought my mom would be disappointed. I am simply a worry wart. She is helping me pay for school so I would never want to do anything that she did not support, but she said she really liked the idea. I just transferred to a four year school and I am taking summer classes there now so I will defiantly look into the Academic Resources and Career Guidance centers. Thanks again for all the advice and support. I hope all of your kids realize what great parents they have :-)</p>

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<p>Definitely check out the student services for help in how to learn. You may even have some sort of learning disability that was missed and can be circumvented with different study techniques. Also, they can administer interest tests (for free probably) and occupation tests to help you find a good match. Knowledge is power, make use of the facilities available to students, even if you don't follow up on the test results best matches.</p>

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<p>You have picked an admirable combination of skills and interests to blend together. Your mom should be proud, as should you. Your ability to work hard will serve you well in future, as it is right now. If you're studying Chinese with all those flash cards, well, I can't think of what else you might do!</p>

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<p>lol, yes the flash cards are mostly for chinese. That is the only subject that I find them useful for.</p>