<p>Just wondering when you decided where to go for college and what major to do, how did advice from parents affect you, in a good or bad way??? I really do love and trust my parents, but I feel as an intl student that they don't really know that much aboout US colleges and what type of college I fit into. ( Being in China, my parents never had the chance to go and visit college campuses with me). Oh and like the typical Asian parent, they are very concerned about name recognition and if my major is " employable".
Thanks for any advice as decision making time draws near. I also welcome tips on how to talk with my parents over the final college decisions.</p>
<p>My parents didn't know anything about the system, either, coming from Europe as adults, so it was all up to me, and the only arguments dealt with whether I would go away or live at home. Mother was old school, poor English, and felt a D should live at home until marriage. Dad supported me on that, and I went away. They never interfered with major. I chose what I loved. To them, a college education meant getting a job. Mother was still holding out for marriage. I was never going to be good enough until that happened and I gave her a grandchild. So, I know what pressures you are under. Generational and cultural biases are difficult to deal with.</p>
<p>In Asia, it is a common belief that professional degrees are for top students, whereas the other non-professional degrees(Humanities, social sciences, science) are for rejects. It is natural for parents here to feel that a liberal arts education is worthless, unless you graduate from a big name school like Harvard, Yale or Stanford. My own parents aren't quite happy that I am going to Smith College coming fall. They would rather me attend Singapore universities, which are pretty prestigious in Asia and are pretty well ranked globally. Like you, I was confused as to whether I should listen to my parents advice or to follow my heart. I really do love and trust my parents too. However, after thinking about it long and hard, I realise that it is my life I am talking about. It is time that I start making my own decisions instead of following my parents will all the time(which is pretty common in asian countries). Sooner or later, we have to lead our own lives and take responsibility for our decisions. The route our parents suggest might be a safer, more comfortable one in the context of asia. However, the question you have to ask yourself is, will you be happy with just that? I won't want to spend the rest of my life thinking 'what if?'. We are still young and can afford to take some risk, so follow your heart if you know that it is what you want.</p>
<p>I do understand however, how hard it is to convince parents that we do know what we are doing.</p>
<p>Although my parents had post-graduate degrees, they weren't very involved in the college application process other than getting a ride to one college interview. (They went to undergrad in the Philippines and my mom got her MD there, but they also got master's degrees on fellowship in the States.) In fact, they were pretty hands off during my education--it was expected that I needed to do well in school. The only other thing I remember is my mother buying study guides for the SATs and some HS courses that I took. In fact, they didn't say much when I declared English and music as my majors. They were pretty supportive of whatever I chose to do, in fact.</p>
<p>For our kids, H and I did help in identifying possible schools they could add to the lists provided by the college counselor since both kids had new GCs their senior years. We've tried to be supportive, as our parents were, and it seems that both kids are quite open in their conversations and ideas about college and post-college.</p>
<p>In talking with your parents, you could ask them their opinions first, e.g., "If you were in my shoes, which school would you choose and why?" and then discuss your top choice(s) and what led you to that decision. That would then open the conversation up to how the world (political, social, academic) has changed and the differences between China and the US. Try to keep it as open-ended and non-judgmental as possible. Sometimes statements like "I was thinking of going to XXX because YYY. What do you think?" can help, especially if you can provide solid reasons for choosing a particular school--what graduates from that school go on and do and how that would be relevant in the working world, and not that it's located in a great climate. :)</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Hope that helps.</p>
<p>I agree with the thoughts expressed above. It is admirable that you are already thinking about constructive ways of navigating this passage.</p>
<p>One important thing to keep in mind: your parents' concerns about employability, "prestige," etc. come from their experience (though it may be limited) and their concern. So, continue to treat their concerns with respect, even if you don't share them.</p>
<p>That said, if you find that your judgment as to what's best for you differs from your parents' opinion, you will likely do well to have quantifiable reasons for your choice: so-and-so at school x is the foremost expert in your intended field of study; grad school placement or job placement in major y at school x is z%; co-op, internship, research opportunities are this much greater at school x....</p>
<p>You get the idea.</p>
<p>I hope this helps!</p>
<p>It's not just an Asian thing, either. An academic dean at one of our kids' college orientations thanked the assembled parents for their wise counsel, and urged them to provide emotional strength and support on the students' upcoming journey. </p>
<p>When choosing majors and individual courses, however, the dean said that students do better, in consultation with their professors and deans, making those decisions. He gently urged parents to "back off" a bit and not dictate their kids' majors and course choices during the next four years. </p>
<p>He really made me think: with all our wisdom, my H and I spend more time thinking about the present than the future. Academicians reside in the world of the abstract and track current variables that predict future trends. When a college president tells me that writing is a key skill for future success, when Harvard University announces (this year) it will include "religion and culture" as a core component of its curriculum, then I respect it as a researched understanding of what the future will bring for my children. </p>
<p>Isn't that part of why we want to send our kids to these venerable places? </p>
<p>All this was said to a predominantly Western audience. </p>
<p>We did follow his advice on this. We made suggestions, inquired about course possibilities, gave our best counsel, because we DO have wisdom to offer and are educated, too. At the end of each conversation on academic choices, however, we said, in essence:</p>
<p>You are there on the campus. You know which are the exciting professors. You know when courses generate scheduling problems that cost you opportunities to take other interesting courses, so we can't insist you take this or that. You know your own heart and mind. YOU decide. Just do well and make us proud, no matter what you pursue.</p>
<p>Correction: Harvard's term is "Culture and Belief" for a new component of its Core Curriculum. I called it "religion and culture"</p>