<p>"We" take no offense, Carolyn! ;) In fact, we agree with you.</p>
<p>One of the biggest challenges of raising kids seems to be finding the balance between pushing/encouraging steering/guiding holding on/letting go.</p>
<p>The conversations that go on in your head are daunting: </p>
<p>"Do we nag him about his homework and push him to get straight A's? Maybe, but maybe we let him set his priorities (within reason) even if that means a few more B's than we would like."</p>
<p>"Do we let him miss an application deadline to teach him a lesson about planning ahead and responsibility? Maybe, but maybe that would cause him to miss out on a great opportunity that could change his life. " </p>
<p>"Maybe if he isn't responsible enough to research all of the colleges and make his own list, he isn't 'ready' for it. Let him go to the local CC for a couple of years or get a job! Yeah, we hear ya, but maybe going away to college is the perfect time for him to develop that responsibility and we know he thrives on academic challenges."</p>
<p>There is not a one-size-fits-all answer for all kids. I have a problem when some of the posters imply that if your kid isn't totally independent by the January 1 application deadline, either the kid isn't ready or you have failed as parents. Kids have different personalities and mature differently. </p>
<p>I think my S is ready to go away and have a wonderful college experience, but sometimes we just look at each other and shake our heads. We look back and think, "You know, he's got the smarts--maybe if we had pushed him a little more, he could get into MIT or something. Maybe if we had backed off a little more, he would have been the perfect self-motivated child with six patents and a dozen full-ride scholarships. Yeah, but, maybe we have actually managed to somehow push/encourage guide/steer somehow get him lined up facing into the wind at end of his own personal runway, engines reving, and ready to take off to some unknown destination."</p>
<p>When my D goes through this process in a few years, she will devour every college brochure that shows up in the mailbox. She'll have her teacher recommendations lined up by the end of junior year. She will probably have a perfect list of two safeties, three matches, and two-point-five reach schools that she has selected based on her personal spreadsheet of thirty-seven weighted criteria. She is organized. That's just her personality. At that point, though, there will be more daunting conversations going on in our heads. We'll be looking back and wondering, "You know, maybe if we had just done X differently,...."</p>
<p>Oh well, you do the best you can. You listen to those little voices in your head. You make one decision at a time. You try not to live vicariously through your children, but you try to encourage them to excel. You try to find that balance. You try to appreciate your wonderful kids and enjoy them every day.</p>
<p>No more maudlin tripe, I promise!</p>