At the beginning of my senior year, I applied to 6 universities, 3 in state and 3 out of state, as well as two community colleges as backup. The out of state colleges all offer the program I want, Theatrical Directing, while the in state schools only offer Stage Management programs where I would have to transfer to another school after 2 years to pursue my intended career.
My mom had never objected to this and assured me that as long as it is to better my future, she is okay with me going to any school I chose. However, this week when we went to pick up transcripts for the out of state colleges I applied for, she burst in a fit a rage and told me to forget about the out of state schools (even though we have already paid for application fees and transcripts) and that I should just focus on my in state schools, particularly University of Miami which doesn’t have the exact major I want but is only a couple of miles away from home, and then transfer after two years if I feel the need. Her reasonings for not letting me go include that I’m too “immature” that i’m not “prepared for the real world” and that I “wouldn’t survive” without her. I am an only child and my mom has always been over protective of me, and she keeps saying that I’m the only thing she has to live for and that she wouldn’t go crazy if I left home. She is trying to keep me at home for as long as possible but I want to learn how to live on my own and not be dependent on my mom. I’ve tried talking to her calmly and explain that I feel I am ready for college life and that these out of states schools have the program I want but she insists that it “must’ve been something she done to make me want to leave home so badly.” Truthfully, I just don’t want to waste my family’s money paying for a college whose tuition is very costly (UM is a private school that costs about 44,000 a semester) and doesn’t have the program I want when I can spend the same amount at an out of state school that does have the program that I want.
How can I get through the application process (mailing transcripts, college auditions and interviews, ect) when my parent won’t even let me go pick up my transcripts? What can I do to get through to her without straining our relationship?
<<<
UM is a private school that costs about 44,000 a semester)
[QUOTE=""]
[/QUOTE]
UM does NOT cost that much per semester! And particularly not to someone commuting from home.
[QUOTE=""]
The out of state colleges all offer the program I want, Theatrical Directing, while the in state schools only offer Stage Management programs where I would have to transfer to another school after 2 years to pursue my intended career.
[/QUOTE]
I doubt that you’d need the “perfect name” for a major in order to get the education and experience you’d need. We see this all the time. Kids thinking that their school must have their obscured-name major when really a number of other majors would work as well.
The $45K tuition at U Miami is for the Year. An OOS school may cost as much or more.
Here is one older summary of FL theater programs. http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/musical-theater-major/552647-florida-colleges-do-they-have-good-theatre-programs.html
@mom2collegekids UM is 44,000 in tuition, forgive me for the mishap! And UM is based in Coral Gables, which doesn’t have the same opportunities (or at least I believe) as I would in say New York, where 2 of my OOS schools are. The schools who don’t have the specific Directing major aren’t out of the picture entirely, but I would like to go to a school that will have more emphasis on directing. Hope I don’t sound rude, thank you for your advice!
@“Erin’s Dad” Yes, I saw I made that mistake, sorry! Thank you for the summary!
New York isn’t the only place to break into directing. In fact, sometimes the places you’d like to eventually have a competitive career are the ones where a young newbie has the hardest time getting a break. At some schools there, you’d be the very lowest on the totem pole. Think about where you have a better chance of getting some early attention.
And make sure you run NPCs and the schools are affordable. Make the wise decisions.
Have you run the net price calculators on each of the schools? Do your desired schools have higher or lower net prices compared to Miami?
There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in the college admissions process, for both the student and parents. There can be moments of high anxiety for all involved along the way. If your options are affordable to your family, let the process unfold. You don’t have to make a final decision until May 1. You and your parents are going to have emotions all over the map, some days you and/or they will have a lot of confidence in the ability to handle what is to come, and other days not so much. It is a process and the feelings associated are always changing. It kind of means you love each other.
Do you qualify for state aid in Florida? Are there other FL schools that you might like?
@NorthernMom61, from my understanding of the post, OP is saying that the process isn’t unfolding naturally. He/she was not allowed to pick up transcripts that had been paid for, which was the impetus for the post. Without the transcripts for those OOS colleges, there is no opportunity for acceptance to the schools.
<<<
when my parent won’t even let me go pick up my transcripts? W
[QUOTE=""]
[/QUOTE]
I don’t understand this part. Aren’t they at your high school? If so, pick them up on a school day. Or where are they???
Are you an adult (18?)? Can you not just ask your h.s. to send your transcripts wherever you direct?
Did you get into FSU? That’s a LONG way from Miami (so like going OOS).
Sounds like the bigger issue is that mom fears an empty nest and wants her child closeby.
The parent may be doing too much for the child, and therefore the child isn’t yet ready to go away. The student can try taking care of more things him/herself to show maturity.
this is what I’d do…
Make a deal with mom that if she lets you send those transcripts to the OOS schools, then over the next few months, you’ll demonstrate that you can take care of yourself…do your own laundry, do chores without being reminded, know where your things are, be organized, clean up after yourself, etc. If you’re not able to meet those goals, then you’ll commute to UMiami.
Remind mom that your desire to go away has nothing to do with any sort of lack of love for her. Your desire is only to get the skills and experience you need for your career goals. You can even make some deal that she can visit you to see the productions that you’re working on, etc.
Sounds like you have a Cuban mom. What does your dad say? I would just proceed with the out of state plans for now so that you leave the door open for going away. @mom2collegekids - folks in Miami who can pay UM do not do chores or their own laundry they all have household help.
<<<
folks in Miami who can pay UM do not do chores or their own laundry they all have household help.
[QUOTE=""]
.
[/QUOTE]
Well, I don’t know about that and find that difficult to believe.
Even those with household help probably don’t have live-in staff, so they still have to do some dishes, prepare some meals, and do some laundry…and generally pick up after themselves.
I doubt they all have enough staff to be treated like royalty.
My kid was a theater tech/design major, so I am generally familiar with some of your issues.
You do not need to major in directing in order to get work as a director. You need enough theater coursework so that you understand the industry and the process, but what you most need is experience. The chances of you building up a portfolio of directing work sometimes will be much greater if you are at a place without that specific major. There will be fewer students competing for directing opportunities, and if you are good the professors who are focused on directing will be so very glad to have you around and will continue to help you build your professional network long after you have graduated.
There is a lot of terrific theater happening in the Miami region. Starting your career there isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you.
If you look at the post history, it seems OP has applied to FL schools. And a recent question about UM as a voice major.
When I read in the first post that, “we went to pick up transcripts for the out of state colleges I applied for, she burst in a fit a rage and told me to forget about the out of state schools,” what I wondered was about the back story. As a parent, I wondered what happened that caused Mom to be so angry.
Maybe she’s just crazy? It happens.
Is your mom trying to get you to live at home for the next two years? One of the biggest purposes of college is to wean people off their parents and prepare them for what it’s like in the real world. Does she expect you to be one of those families where there’s 3 generations under the same roof?
Hi! There are a lot of questions that I’ve left unanswered so I’ll try to clear up some things. For context, I applied to UM, UCF, and FSU which are all instate, and I applied to two New York schools and one school in Pennsylvania. But due to all the advice I’ve gotten from everyone (which thank you so much!), I’ve given up on the out of states for now and am now trying to convincer her to let me go to UCF or FSU.
The transcripts that I needed to submit that my mom was not letting me get where transcripts from old schools that I had transferred from (I did a lot of school hopping in my high school career and one of the schools asked for transcripts from all of them) and without those transcripts being sent out I couldn’t not be considered for admission to the out of state schools. As I said before, I’ve given up on my New York dreams aha. And I go to MDC as a dual enrollment student, so it wasn’t an option for me to go to my high school myself and pick them up.
Tuition is going to be steep for UM. I have applied for scholarships and I’m expected to get a good amount of money form FAFSA since my family contribution is at 0, but UM is going to be A LOT of money for us. I have even tried compromising that I’m okay with going to UCF and FSU (which I am because they have good theatre programs and cheap in-state tuition), but my mom insists I go to UM, even though I know it would put a HUGE financial burden on our shoulders (unlike one poster suggested, I’m not rich and I don’t have maids haha). I’ve expressed to her that the costs of UM isn’t something that we can realistically afford, but she has said that she will take out loans if she has to (which I know is probably the LAST thing you should do)
And as for what made my mom throw that huge fit, I honestly don’t know. I’m still trying to figure it out. One minute she was fine with the OOS schools and we were on our way to pick up the transcripts I needed, and the next she parked the car on the side of the road and started yelling at me about giving up on applying to my OOS schools. I don’t know how to explain what happened or why, but that’s what started this entire problem.