Parent won't let me chose where I apply

I am from NY and plan on applying to colleges out of state specifically California as well as in NY state however my mother refuses the to allow the possibility of applying out of state even if the travel time is significantly less.

Her main reasons seem to be travel and cost which are extremely valid concerns but already have 40,000 dollars annually in a college fund set up by my father and a sibling who is willing to take out $30,000 annual loans for me to go to any college I want. travel is already something I have savings for…

My mom however refuses to imagine the possibility of me leaving the state and has even threatened to call any out of state college I apply to and tell them not to accept me and has grounded me /tried to kick me out just because I want to apply to these schools. for my entire life my mother has sheltered me and hasn’t allowed me to live life as a “normal teenager” since I’m the youngest also she has been physically and verbally abusive my entire childhood. She’s suffering extreme separation anxiety and takes it out on me. I will be 18 on decision day and would like to know if it would be possible for my mom to #1 force colleges to not accept me and #2 decide where I go.

Ive been extremely stressed throughout this process because of her. I just would like the opportunity to apply and see the outcomes. I know that of course you can move after graduating but my siblings were forced into living/paying rent for her post college against their wishes due to her manipulation and we had to call the cops to allow them to move out. I just don’t want to have to be put in that situation post grad and would rather deal with moving out now.

The out of state schools (USC, Loyola Marymount, Penn State,Pepperdine, BU) are in my opinion better schools the the schools I will be applying to in NY ( Pace, FIT, Syracuse) for my major in journalism.

“take out $30,000 annual loans”

AAAHHH!! NO!!! You do not want to take out this much in loans. This is WAY TOO MUCH.

You should avoid loans if you possibly can, especially for a bachelor’s degree.

“my major in journalism”

Even more “AAAHHH”. You do not want any loans at all for a journalism major. Do not assume that you will make any more as a journalist that the absolute minimum needed to live, even if you can find a job at all.

New York has great in-state universities. My suggestion is that you agree to apply to the in-state public schools. In return, have your mother run the NPC on the out of state and private schools that you are interested in. If the NPCs show that they are likely to be affordable with no debt at all, then apply to them also.

Sounds like a toxic situation at home. California would be very expensive in terms of tuition and cost of living. Look for something in state but a school as far away from home as possible. Live on or near campus and never return home and get on with your life.

To answer your questions, no she cannot “force” a school to decline your application or admission. 2- she cannot decide where you go, that is up to YOU and being admitted.

My advice is to apply to several Universities. Apply online, pay the application fee. These days a lot of colleges don’t even send out acceptance letters anymore they e-mail them. University Of Florida did not send my daughter a letter at all, just an e-mail. FSU eventually sent a letter in the mail but sent an e-mail over a month before the letter arrived and by the time she got the letter she was already enrolled at FSU.

Loans are a terrible idea. Full stop.

We are also in the middle of a pandemic. Having to fly to college should be a concern.

SU has a great journalism program. Superior to many of the OOS schools you mentioned. Is it affordable though?

Why aren’t there SUNYs on your list? Looks to me like you have a $40k/year budget. Do you qualify for any financial aid? Are your stats high enough for merit?

@DadTwoGirls , the OP says a sibling will cover a loan.

I think you might want to try to get out from under your mom’s thumb. If your sibling is willing to take that much in loans for you, is he expecting you to pay the loans back? If so, you can’t afford to go out of state. You can’t realistically pay back $120,000 in loans. You will spend your life paying it back. Your issue is money.

Go to the SUNY farthest away from your mom. Save up by working, and leave home as soon as you can. Syracuse is not realistic. Pace is also out, unless you live at home, which I don’t think you want to do. Why FIT? Get as far away as you can from home. I’m not sure where you live, but your mom is going to have a harder time visiting if you live five hours away.

Where’s your dad? Unless you get a full ride or the $40k/year will be accessible to you at 18 (AND will cover all your college expenses) you need your mom to fill out the financial aid paperwork every year. What are your stats? Where you can go depends on your test scores and GPA.

I would check out the SUNYs that are in metro areas. You’ll have access to public transportation and can get a job more easily than if you’re in a remote area. Your goal should be to set your life up so you don’t have time to go home in the summer. @mom2collegekids always has good advice for students whose parents are manipulative and/or abusive. She’ll probably have some suggestions.

What happens to the balance of your college fund if you go to a SUNY and spend ~$25k/year instead of $40k. Do you get to keep the other $60k? That would buy you some after college independence from your mom.

A sibling will cover your loans? In other words, your sibling will co-sign loans for you to the tune of $30k a year or $120k? The two of you will both be hamstrung with that on your credit reports, you understand. If you can’t afford to repay, for any reason including death or disability or no job or insufficient paying job, your sibling is going to have a major problem. You also don’t even know if this sibling will be approved for these loans especially 4 years in a row.

That’s a very bad idea. If you want to apply to OOS schools with merit scholarships opportunities that might bring the cost down to what is affordable, that might not be such a bad idea. But your mother is making it clear that she is not paying for OOS college. The message is clear.

Have you also considered Ithaca?

Both SU and Ithaca are very expensive. Very.

Journalism tends to pay poorly so taking $30K of loans is not the wisest choice IMHO. It’s not very wise even if you’re getting a petroleum engineering degree, and those are some of the best-paying jobs.

It’s your WORK experience that will ultimately get you your jobs. Work experience and abilities trumps school name time and again. School name might get you into the interview room, but the person who can churn out articles and web content and corporate communications copy, all of that consistently, day after day, on deadline, that person will keep their job and rise in their field. It’s competence.

There’s no need to major in “journalism”. Writing well is what you need. First and foremost. I would look for schools with great English departments before I’d look at schools with journalism degrees.

To my mind here are the best ways to do journalism/ English in the NYC area, starting with the cheapest but then following no particular order thereafter:

  • Baruch College or Brooklyn College – apply through the Macaulay Honors Program. It’s not only free but you get a stipend (or the program used to include a small stipend) and it’s prestigious. Baruch is a great school and if you got into financial-sector journalism / writing and worked on Wall Street, you’d really do well. Baruch also has other departments, but it’s a hidden gem in NYC that you can do so well for so cheap.

Brooklyn College has a fine writing programs. It regularly produces Pulitzer winners. CUNY has dorms. so you could get distance from your parents. You’d graduate debt-free.
https://macaulay.cuny.edu/

Also check out SUNY Albany; Oswego; Geneseo, Stony Brook; Buffalo if you want schools further afield.

Vassar – it has one of the best writing programs in the country. Everyone knows that Vassar grads can write. It’s also on the train line to NYC. Vassar grads go into journalism, into screenwriting, etc.

Bard – also known for writing. More literary but excellent. And again, writing well is your primary skill set in journalism.

Barnard college --A great English department.

Union College – has a more practical / commercial take on Writing.

Skidmore

U of Rochester – this is a great school and its English department is quite good. You’d stand out as an applicant IMHO if you target English as your major. This school seems to attract more STEM folks but it’s English dept. is quite good.

If you were looking out of state at all, consider for the strength of their writing programs: Wesleyan, Wellesley, Connecticut College, Mt. Holyoke, Smith, Amherst. Also within easy driving distance to NYC: Muhlenberg has a great arts program. I’m less clear about their English department but it’s a happy school and you might find a match. Bryn Mawr and Haverford have excellent writing and they practically are the same school. They share facilities and campuses and both campuses are pretty. They are also part of a consortium with Swarthmore and UPenn–you would get a fabulous education. If your GPA is a little lower also consider Drew University–easy trip to NYC, pretty campus, and arty

I personally would not recommend Syracuse right now because the school is 1) very expensive and 2) I’ve heard from a current student that the communications program isn’t all that great and they wished they’d gone someplace else and 3) the school has suffered lately from not only COVID but racism issues–enough that they closed the school for a period. To my mind it’s not worth the cost. Also, the president in recent years tacked on an across the board, all students, an extra about $1400 bill.

Ithaca–many students like this school. It’s very expensive however. If you were my child I’d seriously look at the school and see if what it delivers what it purports to offer. But I’d also be mindful of the cost. Ithaca to my mind is great at marketing itself and it’s always wise to look a little deeper than the marketing. Marketing, after all, is just words.

If you were my child, interested in journalism, I’d gently suggest the following strategy. 1) get a degree in English from the best dept you can 2) do some sort of minor or pick up courses online for free in something practical, such as econ or statistics, or marketing; 3) do lots of internships–target writing depts at banks, or corporations, or news outlets that seem strong currently; 4) write for school papers and get lots of practice. 5) maintain a blog on something that you adore: music, movies, film stars, whatever. Do this every day. 6) pump readers to your blog through social media such as Twitter etc.

To check ON AVERAGE costs for you for any of these schools, use COLLEGE NAVIGATOR, find and then click on and find your family’s income level.

Best of luck to you.

Sounds like you have two problems.

1- your wish to go to school out of state.

2- your relationship with your mother.

Don’t mix the two up, especially if it puts you in unnecessary debt.

Well, there are three issues, the two listed above, and

3- Cost limitations, the fact that taking out a lot of debt is a bad idea if you want to go into a low paying profession like journalism, and the colleges you named are very expensive if you do not get scholarships or financial aid.

Fortunately, $40k per year from your father’s college fund for you could give you some options, possibly including some out-of-state ones if you get scholarships (SUNYs should fall below that limit at in-state list price). Financial aid would be less likely, since that requires your mother’s cooperation.

A (successful) journalist who visited my daughter’s school for careers info said anyone interested in journalism should major in something else, and do writing courses too.

My daughter’s college (which apparently has a very good journalism department) requires a dual major with journalism. Some top colleges don’t even offer a journalism major and direct students to writing courses instead.

All this to underscore that (1) you don’t necessarily need a school that offers “journalism” (2) it’s a good idea to double major if it does.

FWIW, colleges generally will not interact with parents at all in admissions process or thereafter. However, you cannot just do it all without your mother’s cooperation - at the least for completing FAFSA (and CSS for private schools).

Agree that $120,000 in debt should be a hard no.

The truth is that if your parents are funding the bulk of your college education then they have a say in when you go. Even if your relationship is difficult be grateful for their financial support. IMO cost and travel during COVID are valid concerns.

That said…NYS is a huge state and SUNY schools appear to be within your financial parameters with no debt. There are tons of great options… Binghamton, Buffalo, Albany, New Paltz Geneseo, Purchase to name but a few. Google SUNY colleges and figure out which have your major and fit your academic profile. You should have some good options.

And FWIW one of my college friends was an English major, became an editor of the college paper, worked as a stringer/freelancer for some news organizations (ex. AP) as well as for the city’s local paper while in college and became a journalist.

Depending on your interests beyond journalism, you could look at the state divisions at Cornell. FIT is on your list, maybe you need to look at Cornell’s College of Human Ecology.

I would like to note that I am a low income black student and the funds are from my father who passed away,it’s just disappointing when via the net price calculator it will end up costing 5,000 to go to USC or 11,000 to go to Oxy given my mother’s income/ dependency override (due to years of cps cases and even being removed by the state from my house.) The 40,000 annually is more than enough in my opinion. I don’t understand why she would rather me give more of that money to a college she wants ( Pace/Syracuse). Her main complaint is travel costs which I again can pay myself. Journalism was my mothers choice of major because she freaked when I told her I wanted to major in Marketing/Communications. Thank you for the help guys I’m actually going to major in something I want to…

SUNY Buffalo. It is a very good school and is really underrated.
Our Southern California daughter wanted to go as far away from us and so she did so. She didn’t want to go to UCSD, one of the schools that accepted her, along with Johns Hopkins. She’s now back in SoCal.

I think you could get some scholarships at USC, but, it’s not a sure thing AND with the COVID restrictions, I don’t know if financial help is going to happen.
Don’t allow your sibling to take out loans. You’ll be repaying those for years and you may have to go back and live with your mother if you are stuck financially, riding her couch!

Journalism does not have a strong financial outlook. https://www.bls.gov/ooh/media-and-communication/reporters-correspondents-and-broadcast-news-analysts.htm

Major in whatever you choose, just don’t take out large loans. Momma doesn’t need to know what you are majoring in.

If it costs you 5000 a year to go to USC, then your only obstacle would be getting in. Even with travel, you’d be able to afford it.

The other obstacle is whether the OP’s mother will cooperate with FA forms for colleges that she does not approve of. Also, if she controls the $160k college money.

Oh, I see.

FWIW I think that marketing/communications (especially if you combine it with a lot of statistics courses) could be a better major than journalism.

Have you run the net price calculator for Fordham? That could be a good option if affordable. Again, NYS should have many fine options for you so don’t dismiss the schools just because you’d rather be elsewhere. It is an expense and a hassle to fly across the country for college so don’t discount your mother’s concerns. You can always try to take a semester abroad to expand your horizons and you will be free to move anywhere you like once you get a job after college.

I’d recommend looking at a school like Mizzou (University of Missouri in Columbia). It has the first and maybe one of the best journalism schools in the country, along with Medill, Morehouse, etc. My friend’s son goes there and he loves it. They have an NBC affiliate on campus so there is practical experience too. Lots of famous alums. It’s a nice place to spend 4 years.
https://journalism.missouri.edu/

The total OOS cost is about $41K/year. They are trying very hard to recruit URM, including African Americans, so they may throw money your way. Plus you are splitting the distance with your mom. Not NY, but not CA too. I think your mom would be proud to say you go to one of the best J schools in the country.
https://www.collegefactual.com/majors/communication-journalism-media/journalism/rankings/top-ranked/