Wow, @RuralAmerica that is extreme! I’m so sorry you went through that but am glad you found a wonderful landing spot!
Agreed, that’s crazy. We’ve grown somewhat accustomed to ill-informed judgments and assumptions, in all of their flavors, but what @RuralAmerica describe is in a whole other league. Very sorry you went through that.
Honestly, it just proved to both of us what a great decision we made for her to attend BS! To heck with all of naysayers…our kids are all where they fit best for them!
Wow, very sorry to read both experiences of @younglord and @RuralAmerica! Such a shame that people can’t accept the choices of others that have no impact on their own lives!
Hey, at least it will get the conversation away from your boarding school choice… and on to other choices, lol.
We got negative reactions for sending our eldest to a six-week sleepaway camp, so we had a thick skin by the time boarding school came along.
You know what I think is weird? Expecting a kid who has never been away from his/her parents for more than a few days to suddenly have the independence and wherewithall to live far away and thrive at college, just because they are now 18.
I’ll share my most successful response when people question me about boarding school for my 2 boys.
I say, “Harry Potter went to boarding school.”
All of a sudden they smile and respond as if they completely understand. They can see the fun of it.
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@CaliMex ABSOLUTELY. I’m from a big family, and most of my nieces and nephews are older than my kids. It has been…interesting to watch as parents who spent 18 years catering to every whim and - to use the term du jour - snowplowing every obstacle are suddenly shocked that their child is having a hard time adjusting to college. One relative drives 2+ hours each way EVERY WEEK to bring her child a week’s worth of prepared foods (cut up vegetables, cooked chicken, pasta dishes) and, of course, the laundry, because the child doesn’t like the dining hall food and couldn’t figure out how to fit in doing laundry. Another is 2 years into graduate school and at a recent family gathering cheerfully admitted they had never made a travel reservation for themselves (“My mother looks at the school calendar, and sends me the details, and I just show up”). This was in response to the story about how at the end of last term, my 14 year old missed the bus home from school (?♀️), yet managed to navigate getting from NH to NYC by himself.
Wow, @momof3nyc! That’s insane! I’ve been sending my 13 yo downtown alone on the subway since he was 10 (we live in the suburbs). The first time I mentioned it on FB, one of my friends responded, “Wow! I’m an adult, and I won’t go on the subway alone.” I thought, “Well, maybe if your parents had taught you how to do so when you were a kid, you’d be able to handle it now…” Good grief!
I can so relate. When I first mentioned the “BS” word to my mother, she burst into tears. “Why?!” I had to talk her off the ledge by telling her to think about it like he is going to college early (he’s going into 10th grade). It’s amazing how that “sending them away” stigma persists. Either that, or it’s seen as treating your child as an inconvenience. Most people don’t have the current social context for it and therefore only relate based on depictions from movies.
When I’ve told acquaintances, you can see the I’d-never-send-my-child-away look flash through their eyes as they ask why. When I answer that it was his idea, I can see the judgment cogs turning that he must be running away from a miserable home life. ??♀️?
The simple reality is that I raised a very independent, ambitious kid who is ready to stretch his wings more than his current environment allows. At first I balked at the idea myself. His first interview was at a local boarding school where he could have attended as a day student (my original intent). When they asked whether he was applying as a day student or as a boarder, I could see his eyes light up at the possibility.
Ultimately, I decided that of course I want to fully support his dreams and ambitions. I think it would be a mistake to clip his wings. This realization resulted in facilitating applications and visits to boarding schools many hours from home. It has been a process of acceptance for me. Luckily, one of my best friends boys went to Hill. That and my “mini Ivy” background gave me some context for the idea of boarding school.
This is a huge sacrifice for me and for all of us who send our children to boarding school. I know the reality is that our children will benefit from our open-mindedness and willingness to let them fly.
@JustWinginIt Yep! My son commuted more than an hour each way to middle school (6-8) - walk to the subway, take the train, transfer to a bus, and then a short walk to school. I went with him the first day, and then never again. People told us we were crazy, but I saved a small fortune in private busing fees and my kid is comfortable finding his way around NYC. Win/win!
*Just want to mention that some of this independence stuff also depends on the kid. We have two totally different kids, same parents, same home environment. One has always been independent (BS kid now!) and pushes for more and more independence. The other one has to be pushed to be more independent and it is truly a process (Nearby college kid.) Different kids, different needs. Hard to generalize and fault is not always 100% due to parenting.
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Tell the nosy or offensive party that you’re shipping ( not sending ) your child off to BS. It’s imperative that you make the distinction.
And make sure they hear the name of the school loud and clear so they can rush home, google it, and see what child hell actually looks like. 
@carpoolingma Absolutely. My younger son is 10, and not quite ready to take the subway alone. I suspect it will take more trips together to get him there, and that’s fine. But I do keep nudging him gently to move outside his comfort zone. The fact that it takes him longer is fine. The expectation that he can and will become more and more responsible as he grows, though, is crucial, imo.