<p>I know that in the Northeast going to prep school is very common. But elsewhere, the idea provokes everything from disdain to envy to complete bafflement. I'd love to hear about any experiences you've had, and any advice you'd give for, sharing your decision to attend prep school with locals.</p>
<p>On the West Coast, it’s bafflement–why would you send your D/S away unless there is something wrong at home? In retrospect, it’s a really valid point. We decided to pursue BS because we thought our D needed more than a local, very strong day school could offer and the opportunity seemed too good to resist. But I sometimes I wonder if the naysayers were right. The stress on our family (financial sacrifice and missing our girl) is strong. And, as written in many other places on this site, some kids would have been fine in many types of high school environment.</p>
<p>The above statement comes from 95% of the people that find out my d is going to bs. We are from Chicago. The “backlash” has not been that difficult to handle because of my kid’s educational background. I was that same crazy mother that sent her 4.5 yr old on the bus for a 4 hour round trip ride every day to attend the only gifted kindergarten in the entire city. I am also the crazy mother who finally pulled her kid out of the system to home school because the system wasnt meeting her needs. Now this crazy mom is sending her beloved only child a “million” miles from home to be “tortured” at some northeastern school they have never heard of. </p>
<p>Being the mom of a profoundly gifted child has been the biggest challenge of my a parenting life. Would I prefer my child to be home with me forever–sure, but that attitude only serves my purposes not those of my d. A few months before my dad passed, he said to me, “you know if she goes east for bs, she wont come back to the midwest, right?” Trust me, I thought long and hard about what he was saying and what this will mean for her and our family. (Upon retiring, 10 years, I have decided to move east, maybe work in a boarding school to be closer to my child).</p>
<p>I think the best thing a parent can do for their child is to make decisions with the kids needs first and foremost. Though I sometimes get tired of trying to explain my choices for my d to others, those that know me, ask questions but trust that I am doing what I think is best for my d.</p>
<p>As Dr. Phil says, “the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior”. So far I have made the decisions that have worked out for my d, and I know in my heart I am continuing to do so with the bs decision.</p>
<p>Erlange,</p>
<p>As I have said before, our options were limited, but my biggest concern is my d safety. </p>
<pre><code> Minority youngsters dying weekly on Chicago’s streets - CNN.com
</code></pre>
<p>Exactly was Alexz said. (Except I don’t know who Dr. Phil is - sorry!)</p>
<p>People who know my son and know the lengths to which I will go and the sacrifices I will make for my kids are not surprised at all. They are generally happy for him and most say, “Well, that makes sense.” </p>
<p>The question I am often asked is “Aren’t you going to miss him?” I always respond with, “OF COURSE! But it’s more about what he wants.” The next question is almost always, “How are you going to pay for that?” </p>
<p>Really, I wonder sometimes if Alexz and I aren’t the same person. 
Actually, I think our kids are just very similar. I just wish her daughter was going to Exeter so I could meet her :(</p>
<p>I can agree with both Alexz and Neato. I miss my daughter like crazy but it is best for her, at least academically. She misses us too. But being on the west coast no one has heard of Exeter - except for Exeter, California, a little agriculture town. They actually think we have sent her to school there. No, there isn’t a boarding school there, just a regular public high school. </p>
<p>But even the doctor when I took her in for her pre-boarding school physical exam said, “what did you do wrong?” when she told him she was going to boarding school. The assumption is that we are sending her to military school for disciplinary reasons. But she told him it was Phillips Exeter and his attitude changed right away. He was actually very familiar with the school, unlike everyone else we have spoken to. Two years later, people are still baffled that we would send her away to school. Now with my eldest daughter getting ready for college they assume daughter 2 is also in college, I have to keep reminding friends and acquaintances that she is in high school at a boarding school, and it is much, much different from college.</p>
<p>Miss her–I say no, I was getting tired of raising her.</p>
<p>Then they look at me and realize how STUPID that question was to ask.</p>
<p>Since the decision has been made, and my money sent–lol–my d seems to have started to miss me. She talks to me way more than before. I think she realizes this is really it. Plus I told my d she needs to verbally engage with me if she really wanted to show her maturity in going to bs. Even her current teachers tell me how happy a kid she has become since the decision has been made.</p>
<p>On the way to the airport after revisits, my d told me she will set up the home computer to be able to skype with me…but just twice a week. She will call 3 times a week, and friend me on her facebook page—lol.</p>
<p>ps–I have a facebook page and twitter account…I am really clueless to what to do with either one-----lmao</p>
<p>Alexa and Neato, If you’ve exhausted all of the local options and D/S still needs more, BS is probably a wonderful sacrifice and worth doing. But, no doubt as parents you’ll question the decision at some point, and will find it challenging, especially for parents who haven’t sent away their kids yet–you’ll see!</p>
<p>Maybe I’ll tell people I sold my daughter to buy a new car! :-)</p>
<p>Same here. My daughter is in the city’s best school but she’s still wanting more challenge. And here, despite being a big city, college aspirations usually mean a regional college to keep the kids within “visiting” distance of family.</p>
<p>When my daughter first told her teachers she was applying, several questioned my motives as a parent and assumed she was being punished. Others dragged their feet about filling out the recommendations in an effort to “help” her until they understood it was her pushing to go, not me (I was crying over losing my best bud). She texted them while on interviews to remind them of deadlines - one told her she’d forgotten - then texted back “Just kidding.” Her band instructor teased that she was being sent away because her “parents didn’t love her anymore.” And her Latin teach volunteered to write a recommendation even though it wasn’t required. By the time the letters came and she was once again flying off for revisits, the teachers didn’t blink about her missing classes because they understood and worked with her.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure the teacher’s were doing it on purpose for her friend’s benefit. It helped get them get used to the idea. Everyone talked about it openly or plotted to take her spot on the debate team once she was gone. Many of them texted her while she was visiting schools to tell her to get out of New England or face their wrath. So they’ve had two years of her talking about it to get used to it. </p>
<p>That’s the hard part. Some of her friends have been with her since elementary school. They feel a bit abandoned, although that is less and less because of social media.</p>
<p>You know the most unusual part - it’s all the local parents who were dead set against her leaving (and giving me a hard time) that are now asking me about summer programs and forwarding them links, etc. The consciousness has been raised now that she’s leading the way to a path that was considered “forbidden.” Even my husband’s family (which is new to the idea) wants to go visit the school.</p>
<p>So to answer the poster’s question - start the transition now - make sure your friends know they are appreciated, spend time together as much as possible, then stay in touch using social media. It will make a difference - and you’ll have someone to “kvetch” to in private (about teachers, etc.). I suspect my daughter and her pals will still be “studying” together and sharing strategies (debate, etc.) online.</p>
<p>im a student going to a boarding school, but where i live boarding school is not common at all. My grandparents dont really want to hear that im going away next year and my friends wont let me talk about it. by explaining all the great opportunities it will bring me and why im going they are slowly warming up to the idea. im the only one in my class of over 400 kids going to boarding school probably.</p>
<p>This has been the hardest part - telling his friends. He feels like he is disappointing them, like somehow the independent day school isn’t good enough (and it is a wondrous place where he is happy and has thrived) or the friendships aren’t strong enough (“How could you leave”) or he did something wrong and he is getting shipped away. None of that is true, he loves where he is and his friends.</p>
<p>He just had it in his heart to do this, and letting him decide to go has been painful for me. I have not quite processed the whole thing yet to be honest.</p>
<p>Y’all have no idea how much I am enjoying - and healing - reading your entries. Like many of you, my d needed more than can be had here. But we live in a very liberal community that is very anti private anything. I am gradually sharing our news, and of course finding that there are many who are happy for us and many who would rather not comment to our faces. I’m a grown up and a public figure so am used to this. But my d is not ready to share her news with her peers as she (rightly) knows there will be judgment. Her teachers were puzzled and a little weird with it, but that didn’t seem to bother her. The peer thing is hard.</p>
<p>erlanger,</p>
<p>I do question every decision but I dont think that will happen with me on this topic very much, but you seem somewhat hostile with the fact that we are very comfortable with our decision.</p>
<p>Your comment " especially for parents who haven’t sent away their kids yet–you’ll see! ", just what do you mean by that statement? Now I understand that bs school year isnt like 3 weeks away at summer camp but I dont feel like i am sending her away.</p>
<p>I believe ever parent goes though different changes when their child goes though their life changes. I find that upon discussing my decision about bs with other parents, I find out that many parents admit that their kids might be able to do bs but THEY couldnt handle their kids being away. I had one mom say she couldnt miss her daughter going to PROM, my conversation was over. I find most of these parents selfish and self-centered. They are trying to re-live their high school experience though their kids.</p>
<p>I have worked evening since my child’s birth, divorced since she was 14 months old. From her point of view, I was a stay-at-home mom, who went out in the evenings. I home-schooled for 3 years, 6th-8th grade. I have spent more time with my d than most married couples who havent been married for 20+ years. </p>
<p>Will I miss her,yes. Will tears be present, yes. Will I check my phone hoping for a random text message, sure. But, is this an opportunity of a life time that I just wouldnt let her pass up.</p>
<p>Alexzmom,</p>
<p>The twitter thing can be a life saver (and facebook). You can keep it private and just between you and your daughter if you want. We’re thinking of creating a private Facebook page for our family so the grandparents, etc. can all add information and photos and we can keep all the family updates in one place.</p>
<p>When my d was out of the country with her high school band, the band director twittered updates throughout the day and added photos in the evening. I saw a twitter that said “Salsa is fabulous but may be too hot for “d”. I see tears.” I immediately texted “d’s” cellphone (which is more private) and said “How’s the salsa!” She was so surprised I knew what was going on and sent back a message “I’m on fire!” I laughed for days. But afterwards she texted me twice a day and the band director kept posting photos on twitter so we can see the ship, the tours, and some of the kid antics.</p>
<p>Twitter will be a godsend for staying in touch with your daughter because it only allows you to send 140 characters so it’s quick - and just enough to keep you both sane and connected.</p>
<p>We live in the Midwest and the number one response is always “what did he do wrong?”. After you get done explaining that he did nothing wrong and that it’s a great opportunity then they ask, “aren’t you going to miss him?”. </p>
<p>I also know that there are some people in our very small community that believe we think we are better than them and the public school is not good enough for our kids. Which could not be further from the truth. The public school here is great for very driven kids, which my eldest is not. He needed the extra push and structure that BS has given him. Plus the extra breadth of classes and sports has been wonderful for him.</p>
<p>My middle child would have excelled in our public school because nothing less than the highest grade is good enough for him. I am sending him to BS not because he needs something from them but because he is dying to go and will love every minute of it. It’s a totally different scenario than the eldest.</p>
<p>The youngest is still of the “no way” mind set, which is just fine by me!</p>
<p>after my S’s first year at BS, over summer break, he took a driver’s ed course at the local high school. The instructor, a public school grade 10 science teacher, made fun of my son being away at BS. In front of the entire class, he asked my S what he had done wrong to be sent away to “reform school”. My son answered that he had knifed a teacher. No more questions.</p>
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<p>Okay - that was just too awesome for words. I’ve wiping tears I’m laughing so hard! :-)</p>
<p>Exie–ditto with the tears,I am going to share that with my d.</p>
<p>I am really ok with her responding that way due to the question.</p>
<p>I remember when my d was about 5, very small and skinny, people keep asking her were you a premie, or why doesnt your mom feed you…questions I thought should have directed at me not a 5 year old. I taught to just say…“I am the right size for me”.</p>
<p>Adults shut up after her reply. Now they get it, she is s classical ballet/pointe dancer–just the “right” body".</p>
<p>Cecil, ditto on the tears. Classic. Love it. Smart kiddo :)</p>
<p>I also think there is a gender component to this and empathize with Alex. My d got “did your parents put you up to this?” from a teacher which - if you knew us you would understand - is so ironic it’s funny.</p>
<p>In my neck of the woods (upstate NY), I can count on one hand the number of kids I know who go to boarding school. And two of them are mine. Everyone knows that my daughter and I are close, and the question I got over and over again was “How can you let her go?” My response: “You know (daughter’s name), how could I not?” I got a lot of “I could never let MY kid go…” as if to suggest I am a bad parent for saying yes. And finally, of course I got the “How can you afford bs?” The obvious response, to me at least, was the higher cost of not letting her follow an ambitious dream.
For the record, our school here is outstanding, but predictable. My daughter craved diversity and more than got it. I couldn’t have been happier.
zp</p>