To panpacific’s excellent list, I would also add diversity. One of the big problems (at least to my mind) with the public schools in the Greater Boston area is that they are very, very white. For instance, Weston is one of the 10 most affluent towns in the US, and is 90% white. The African-American and Latino populations each clock in at a whopping sub-2%. Concord/Carlisle is about the same. Dover/Sherborn is even worse, 95% white. By contrast, my kids’ boarding school’s population includes 17% international students (many of whom are non-white, non-European) and nearly a third of the American students are of color. My son’s roommate is Southeast Asian, born in the US, but has lived in several other countries. My daughter has two roommates, one of whom is an international student, and one of whom is Latina, with immigrant parents. That kind of diversity simply does not exist in public schools around here, at least not the schools that you’d actually consider sending your kids too. I think its phenomenally important in today’s world for our kids to have exposure to real diversity – by which I mean all kinds of diversity: skin color, religious, ethnic, cultural, socio-economic, and diversity of thought.
@panpacific – I think my original point qualified the Greater Boston public schools. The list you created my cause a greater end product but they by themselves do not make it a better end product.
For example, faculty credentials. I teach at a large university in Boston. The best teachers at the undergraduate level in my experience aren’t the ones that have the highest degree nor the ones that are conducting the best research, it is the ones that can connect with their students.
@soxmom – Lexington HS has 42% non-white students. Mass Academy is 38% non-white. Advanced Math and Science Academy 36% non-white. AVERAGE SAT 2000
Weston HS has 20+% non-white students. They belong to Metco and have 73 ELL students who speak 14 languages with a student:teacher ratio 11:1
These towns are not as white as you think. There are a lot of successful Asian and Southeast Asians that live in all of the surrounding 95 belt.
I understand that in 90% of the country they do not have the schools of the quality of MA whether it is college, private BS/DS, or our public high schools. But I believe there is a false narrative that the education standards are superior in the BS as compared to the top public schools in the Greater Boston area. Moreover, I think the some of top day schools have a higher educational level than the HADES schools. This is not to imply that BS aren’t great and aren’t beneficial to thousands of kids but the statements that school is superior to Greater Boston’s public schools have not been proven and certainly not greater than $200k which could be a down payment to buy a home in any one of those communities.
@laenen “greater” but not “better” end product? 
and just to clarify, while I did not imply that more private school teachers are able to connect better than public schools, Would you agree that we can take that factor as a constant at least (say the same proportion of teachers in both private and public schools connect with students). In that case wouldn’t generally teachers with better credentials be a plus?
Anyway, I am glad you have great options. We had decent PS options back in the days but not as great as yours and ended up choosing a top BS. YMMV
We have no private schools where I’m located, no day schools, no charter schools, nothing except the local public school. The few people that we’ve told so far that we’ve applied, look at me like I’ve sprouted 3 extra heads. My child is incredibly scared to tell classmates as it will mean being ostracized by 98% of them for the remainder of the school year. I’ve also found that many of my “friends” will no longer be such once the news drops. I keep positive knowing that I’m doing this for her and to truly better her education. I do truly love some of the answers many of you have posted in regards to some of the questions you’ve been asked!
I think the point of boarding school for many cannot be found in SAT scores or Ivy acceptances. What BS provided our kids was so much bigger than that. Our kids would have gotten high SAT scores regardless of educational setting. Why we allowed our kids to attend BS had nothing to do with college acceptances. We wanted our son to experience amazing opportunities he never could receive in another educational setting.
Things like having friends from around the globe. International affairs became real to him when he was worried about his friend from Japan after the nuclear situation a few years ago. Or when he worried if his friend would be allowed back to South Korea. He and friends went to visit a fellow student in the Philippines to shoot a documentary about child abuse at the friends parents foundation as 16 year olds. They crowd sourced funds and interviewed street children to raise awareness of the issue as well as met with the head of the police to advocate for kids.
He spent a semester in the Bahamas conducting research that was presented to the prime minister of the Bahamas. While there he had to spend 48 hours solo on an island, do a 6 day kayak trip, learn about sustainability and the final project was a 4 mile open ocean swim(with sharks).
He grew into an amazing young man who became a proctor in his dorm and student listener for his peers. He and his 7 friends from his dorm have traveled numerous times together in the US and abroad. He is as different as can be from these boys- yet each accept and support each other unconditionally. When he and a friend both applied ED to MIT, he said I hope he gets in - he needs it more than me. When this came true- he was genuinely happy for him.
He grew up in the desert, but got the opportunity to row crew, and compete in water polo. He loved the experience of competing for his high school and all the rivalries that exist between these schools.
Academics are such a small part of the experience that top BS offer- it really is about the opportunities they provide, that no good day school can replicate.
The open swim sounds a bit extreme, @vegas, (!!) but I loved your post. And your kid sounds like he was the perfect BS candidate – a kid who is willing to step out of his comfort zone and take advantage of all the extraordinary opportunities these schools offer. I’m sure your compassionate, courageous kid will go on to do great things.
My son is in 7th grade, and we’ve recently started looking into boarding school. Right now, he goes to a great day school. I have been criticized heavily for sending him there. I’ve tried to just say that it was a good fit for him. Many times, people would keep asking questions, and I’d feel as if I needed to defend my decision. When I would say some of the positive things about his school to try to explain my decision to send him there, it was generally taken as a criticism of public schools. It was really a no-win scenario, and I have no intention of repeating it.
For boarding school, I’m just going to say that it’s something he really wants to do, and it seems to be a good fit for him. If people want more detail, I’m just going to keep saying it’s something he wants. I no longer feel the need to explain, and people can say whatever they want.
@panpacific " In that case wouldn’t generally teachers with better credentials be a plus?" In my experience, there is a baseline for a certain level that you are teaching and having credentials from either a more selective school or a higher degree is not impactful in teaching a subject matter. Having a Math PhD from Princeton doesn’t mean that you can teach Calculus with greater meaning than someone with a Master’s from BC but it sure looks nice on the private schools web site. And prospective parents eat that stuff up.
When my kids applied to BS, especially the first one, we told no one, not even the grandparents, because 1. we didn’t want anyone else’s opinions or viewpoints or judgement(!) on what we considered a family decision and 2. we didn’t want the extra pressure and stress on our child that would come along with applying and putting themselves out there in a very competitive process at the age of 13 in some fishbowl. The only people who knew were their teachers and their middle school guidance counselor.
I’d advocate the same strategy for others. Why the need to discuss it with folks before acceptance? It seems to be inviting comments. I think many people take that kind of discussion as implying that the choice they are making to have their child stay in the current system, at local public school or whatever, as being inferior. I’m not saying that’s right or a mature response on their part but I can see that being a reaction. Best to leave that until after acceptances, IMHO.
@laenen I am actually paying more attention to where teachers got their bachelor’s degrees. Sometimes, it’s a good indication of what kind of students they were when they themselves were in high school and under what circumstances they chose to be teachers, which potentially could have significant impact to how they teach.
Some of the best teachers at my kids’ BS were graduates of the less impressive colleges/universities. Often, its because they came from more humble backgrounds and had less opportunities because of it. Some of the teachers at more prestigious undergraduate schools are super smart and good teachers, some come from silver spoon backgrounds.
@cameo43 thanks. He is pretty great. I did get to attend parents weekend in the Bahamas - and it was pretty phenomenal. They were just nurse sharks- so no real threat- just a great adventure.
Those from “silver spoon background” may be u likely to become secondary school teachers? Just a guess.
This is in no way meant to be disrespectful and I am not here to stir up trouble. I read this thread in the first place because I was truly interested in why some people go with a boarding school.
My only negative reaction to boarding school is…where do you get the money? In general, most who can afford the $100k to send their child to boarding school and then on to the typical pricey universities or college associated with graduates of boarding school, also, generally, live in communities that have good public school options that would likely produce admissions to the same caliber college/university and ultimately produce a similar outcome. So beyond wanting your child to associate with certain types of people (whether is be socio-economic/religious/political/cultural or what have you) I am not sure that I completely understand why BS? I am not referring to boarding schools that deal with specific issues like medical or behavioral issue or sending your child to a boarding school while on a foreign work assignment or sending your child to boarding school to overcome an economically depressed environment.
From my personal perspective I wouldn’t be able to justify the expense of BS. I have found that unique and excellent opportunities are generally available to public school kids too, maybe not at the school level but certainly extra-curricularly. Academically I was lucky to have attended a public school that offered courses in Russian History, Creative Writing, Famous Historical Figures and Linguistics. They were enrichment courses that teachers elected to teach because of their genuine interest in the subject. Currently my kids have had access to courses in Art History, Holocaust Studies, Music and Film Appreciation as well as GT and collegiate dual enrollment and more at their public school. I will not argue the case that there is a HUGE difference in being in a “regular” education class and an “honors/GT/AP” class at our public school because certainly there is a HUGE difference, but it is not so hard to set a course of being in classes with academically oriented classmates. We provide travel opportunities to our kids as a family. Amazing opportunities to distinguish themselves in their chosen ECs have been presented to them too. Athletically talented students will be a standout on a bad team as much as they would be on a recruited top performing BS team. I have a child who plays sports not offered at her public school (lacrosse and field hockey) sure it took some work to find teams for her but not impossible. Perhaps for an Olympic caliber child a BS makes sense. Diversity has not been an issue either. Classmates from Korea, China, India, Nigeria, UK while not abundant certainly are present. I guess I am saying that it is difficult for me to swallow the argument that the opportunities at BS are head and shoulders beyond what are available to anyone.
In the end only reason to choose an option is because it works for you and your family. You don’t have to justify your decision. Generally those of us who have not made the go BS decision (or home school, private school decision for that matter) are not “negative” to be impertinent. I for one am only trying to understand the specifics of your decision. I know it is not my business but that doesn’t curb my curiosity to better understand my fellow man. And sometimes I learn something by delving into the “why” and end up making a similar decision for myself.
@PossiblePrepMom - as for responding to inquiries - I would recommend not responding with “It’s something he wants”. My kid wants a new BMW, a trip to Hawaii and for me to drive her across town to the more competitive all star cheer gym, a 13 year old “wanting” something isn’t exactly a compelling argument. Your response that it is “something he wants” comes across as highhanded. Perhaps a response like “it is a good fit for your family” might be better received. You are right there is no need to justify your choice but there is also no need to be dismissive either.
@labegg it’s essentially the same population as that of expensive private colleges, ranging from the super rich, (upper) middle class to the poor who will be fully funded. Except, some families will stretch family resources for college to “open doors” for their kids while some prep school families do so to escape bad local schools. Prep school population is much smaller of course and prep schools are much fewer and smaller.
To me, following this thread and looking back at the OP, I think the surprise I have is that there is surprise at the reactions. We all make various different decisions about a whole host of things and its pretty much accepted without much issue. But this involves our kids which is very much different. There is no play book or test case because each kid and each situation is unique. Uncertainties abound (no matter what decision we make). Different decisions tend to call into question our own decisions. Even if on a subconscious level.
And before I had kids, I never appreciated that issue. But having kids, I have seen the situation play out in various decisions I have made, friends have made with their kids or co-workers have made with theirs all compared to the backdrop of various decisions I have made with my kids. And if that is happening (as I have seen in my own life and I think we have seen in several exchanges here), justifying a decision to someone making a different one likely won’t help and may well make it worse with people digging in. Justify your decisions to yourself, your spouse (as applicable) and to your kid. And then move forward.
And no doubt sometimes there can be a great benefit to others in our justifications. But it may well also be its tough to tell/know if that is really whats happening.
@vegas1 Not to be snarky, but these statements are an example of the BS “air of superiority” that is polarizing and presumptuous.
My DD is at a boarding school and is having a similar experience to your DS. My DS’15 graduated from a day school and had an equally engaging and fulfilling experience minus the position of dorm prefect.
BS is a different choice, but that doesn’t mean it is a “better” choice.
I guess I am looking at it from on the flip side… I keep my “(upper) middle class” kids in public school because the doors are already open to them, all they need to do is walk through the door and I feel that they need to understand that everyday. I suppose our income allows us to compensate for “bad” local schools. “Bad” is relative. My non minority husband graduated from what could be considered a “bad” inner city school. He made his own opportunities in high school, went to a tier 1 top 40 ranked university on academic scholarship and seem to have done just fine. It’s what works for our family, it’s neither better or worse than the decisions made by others regarding education.
@saillakeerie I agree with you. There’s no point of justifying such “radical” idea of boarding school to those who are very much “outside” that world. I think mutual respect for different choices would be ideal but reading this thread it doesn’t seem always to be the case. Personally, I’ve got a few innocent (at least I choose to believe) “I would never be able to send my kids away”, “don’t you miss them”… But generally I don’t get a lot of negatives from my circle. Of course, I keep it strictly on a “need to know basis”. I don’t talk about where my kids go to school “unprompted”. The biggest misconception among the outsiders though is to think that it’s just a matter of money to attend an expensive school. They may believe that it’s not just a matter of money to be able to attend HYP but they don’t believe it’s not much easier to get into Andover and Exeter (especially with sufficient FA). I felt like I had won a lottery and because of that I never really got offended by however little negative comments I got.
@labegg You are right. “It’s something he wants” isn’t going to work either. I’ll stick with a “it’s a good fit for him.” Then again, the people who just want to criticize my choice of school for my son will do so no matter what I say.
Maybe you are not negative to be impertinent, but many of us have run into several people who are. That’s one of the reasons this thread is so long. I am in no way trying to be dismissive, but after having my son in a private day school for the last several years, I’m tired of people who are judgmental the moment they find out where my son goes to school. I’m fine with answering questions from someone who is curious about his school, but I won’t argue with someone who just wants to attack me.
@doschicos Since my son is still in 7th grade, we’re not telling anyone except for a few people at school. Oh, I did tell my mother too. I hope that wasn’t a mistake. 