Nervous about illness and college. Need some help from parents please :)

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi everyone, </p>

<p>I am really nervous because I just got some bad news. I found out I'm really sick (severely anemic) and now I'm visiting oncology doctors and all this because they fear I might have cancer or something, as there is no real reason for my anemia. (I am a vegetarian but I eat a nice diet and there is no way my levels should be as low as they are). </p>

<p>My nervousness stems from the fact that I move into college in one week and not all the tests will be done by then. I am really sick (constantly cold and tired, bad memory issues when I've always had a photographic memory, bad concentration issues, digestion problems, etc) and am very nervous about starting school in my condition, especially with the added stress of something else being wrong with me hanging over my head. </p>

<p>I would go to my own parents on this, but my father is in poor health from a car accident and my mom is in poor health herself having battled Graves' disease (which is hereditary and I already have thyroid problems) and a whole bunch of other conditions. They are basically fried from their own health battles and don't want to really hear about mine (I don't blame them as nothing is confirmed yet). </p>

<p>I know I am probably freaking out about nothing, but it isn't something I ever expected to hear. </p>

<p>My question is: does anyone else have kids who have battled through college while facing serious health conditions? I am a good student (3.8 GPA and 33 ACT) and am just really nervous about balancing a new college with an illness. (I do have to give myself B12 injections already, I do not know what the treatment will be for the anemia). </p>

<p>Sorry that was really long and rambling, I'm just kind of a wreck right now and need advice from parents who have dealt with children like me. I have been on CC a long time now and right now there isn't much else I can turn to.</p>

<p>Thank you everyone!</p>

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<p>Oh, and I didn’t know if should go in the Parent Cafe or Parents Forum (I honestly don’t know what the difference is), so if it’s in the wrong place, please move :).</p>

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<p>Hi! I’d suggest you get your docs to write you a letter & register with your U’s disability office and also purchase tuition refund insurance for a small cost, just in case your condition requires that you miss a lot of class and withdraw from school.</p>

<p>You & your docs may wish to consider asking your U if you can take a deferral and start school NEXT term or next year instead of next week, so you can get your health issues under control. Having a hard time remembering will make studying much more difficult (my kids had that problem at points with their health issues as well). Being always cold, tired, having concentration & digestive problems sound like a lot to deal with and may take the docs a while to sort out. It might be much better to have it all resolved before you start school & your U will likely be willing to let you defer if you ask & have your docs explain the reason.</p>

<p>Both of my kids have chronic health issues that have caused them to miss 1/4-1/2 of the school year each year throughout HS. They both knew this going into college & still have chronic health issues. They disclosed this in their applications & we spoke with the U where they have matriculated. They have gone to see docs at their U & have registered with the disability office, “just in case.” Your docs can & should write a list of specific things that can help you address your health issues while you’re attending your U. Sometimes a private room in a quiet dorm floor can be helpful, so you can rest as needed without being concerned about your room mate’s schedule. You might also have your docs write that you will need notes for days when you are unable to attend class due to your chronic health issues. This can be included as a medical accommodation if your docs say it’s appropriate for your condition.</p>

<p>You may wish to speak with a campus dietitian/nutritionist about what you’re eating and how that may contribute (or not) to your health conditions/issues and whether some modifications might be useful, at least temporarily.</p>

<p>Is there a medical school connected with your U? They may have folks who can be especially helpful to you about these issues.</p>

<p>Good luck–hope some of this is helpful. Your U’s disability office is a really good place to start. The folks there are trained to help folks who have medical & other conditions get the accomodations they need to do well at their U!</p>

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<p>Thank you. I have considered deferring for a semester, but again no one in my family wants to talk about it. My major is set up so that as a freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior you have to take certain classes each semester (they are not offered both semesters) and it would be very difficult to postpone until next semester (as you have to take all freshman classes before sophomore and so on). If I have to take one semester off, I am going to take the full year off and just take classes at my community college online so that I can stay in school and get better. </p>

<p>I would be well enough right now to go to school if any kind of treatment I receive doesn’t make me sicker than I already am. At least, I think I am. I am well enough to work right now (although I only work 2 or 3 days a week), but it’s just that day to day things are kind of difficult. The good news is, almost all of my classes are in my dorm room so I won’t have to walk outside or very far a lot of the time.</p>

<p>This isn’t the first time I’ve been sick. I missed a few months of sophomore year because of mono, 1/2 of both 7th and 8th grade due to double pneumonia, so I am used to missing school, unfortunately. </p>

<p>As for the tuition refund, I won’t be needing it but thank you :). Through scholarships and all that, I am actually getting more money than my school costs. Which would make my senior year difficult if I do have to delay a year because a good chunk of my scholarships are 4 year scholarships so I would have virtually none my last year. I am going into school this year as a sophomore (through AP credits) and if I switched my major, I could graduate in three years. </p>

<p>Yes, my U does have a med school. I will definitely call the school tomorrow after I talk to my doctors. </p>

<p>Thank you so much for all your advice. I’m just so mad about all this happening right now because college was so close after a very difficult high school career. </p>

<p>I hope your children are doing well, too :).</p>

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<p>Would it help if you went to school part time? Most schools will let you attend one or two classes but still be classified as a full time student if your doctor verifies disability or illness. Reducing your work load will lessen stress and allow more time for medical treatments if necessary. The Dean of Student’s Office can advise you- do not hesitate to call asap and explain your situation. One of my kids did have a serious illness for a while during college and the school was very helpful. He will take one or two semesters longer to graduate but managed to get through with a bit of help from professors and the school. It can work, but if you do need to take time off you can always get a medical leave and then come back and finish your work when you feel better. It sounds like you have a lot going on… consider an hour or two with a therapist if you start feeling overwhelmed.</p>

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<p>Some scholarships would allow you to defer the scholarship (if you ask) if you defer school for a year. I believe many Us & scholarships would be willing to defer on medical basis so you can improve your health issues and it’s at least worth exploring that option so you will have more energy to devote to the full college experience which should take you beyond your dorm room door and allow you to experience some ECs, etc.</p>

<p>It would also be good if you could make it to office hours and/or labs/discussions that may be live and require you to go to a classroom or somewhere on campus.</p>

<p>It is true that sometimes treatment DOES temporarily at least, make us sicker. You can look to see if tuition refund insurance would pay for your U if you can’t attend so that you could defer your scholarship to when you’re better.</p>

<p>Thanks, for your thoughts. My kids are doing much better at the U than they did in HS, especially since they have a lot more control over their scheduling and can start classes later & schedule breaks better than they could in HS. My S entered with the maximum 32 credits at his U & could have graduated early if he switched majors as well but we all wanted him to have a major that could lead to employment, so he’s chosen engineering (which he enjoys) & this will be his 4th year–he will graduate this spring & has missed NO classes due to health at the U.</p>

<p>Good luck in getting a good evaluation and treatment. It can be challenging getting treatment for these conditions that have a lot of systems involved.</p>

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<p>I don’t know if it would help going part time. While my school is pretty close to home (hour drive or so), it would be very difficult to go even part time because it would be hard to live on campus if I am sick. I would rather go to the local CC than try to go part time. Our CC is less than two miles from my house and it would just be easier all the way around. Plus, at the CC I could take online classes (which are easy for me and I took a few over the summer), but my U doesn’t require a lot of online classes during winter and spring.</p>

<p>I went to a therapist after a bunch of instances in my life (parent’s illnesses on top of other things). It didn’t help that much other than they put me on anti-anxiety pills which helped more than talking to them. I have a pretty strong support system with my friends and boyfriend (we’ve all been really tight-knit for years), but I just wanted some advice from parents :).</p>

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<p>HImom, I will look into deferring the scholarships. Or the insurance for tuition. I have never heard of it but I will be sure to check it out. Thanks again :).</p>

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<p>Not all therpaists are created equal and it might be good for you to try another one that might be able to help you sort out your options and choose the ones that will work best for you now.</p>

<p>It really might be a good option to consider deferring for a year while you live at home & take a few CC courses while your med issues get sorted out. It does take a lot of energy to handle all the change that accompanies going from living at home to living in a dorm with lots of new folks & having to adjust to a new environment. </p>

<p>My kids were glad that their conditions had settleed down a lot before they started their U–3000 miles from our home. (D went to local CC while living at home while the docs helped her get her medical issues under better control and we were all grateful that she was living at home & I could help her through the worst of things, getting her to appointments, making sure she ate & got to class, etc.) D started at the U after she would have if she had gone straight from HS to the U, but it was a lot less stressful for all of us, especially because the classes at the CC were very small and the teachers were very supportive. D is having a wonderful time now at her U–she started last semester, in January after 3 semesters of CC. She’s so glad she had the time at the CC to sort things out and things are working very well for her now.</p>

<p>For what it’s worth, she WAS worse for a while during treatment and we were glad to be able to coddle her at home (not sure how she would have handled at the dorm – she didn’t know the girls she was living with well enough to ask many favors of them like she could of me).</p>

<p>Anyway, more food for thought. If you want more info, you can send me a private message as well.</p>

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<p>This is exactly what you should be doing. Get whatever help the school can offer, but make sure that if you have to leave mid-year, that the insurance will cover any tuition so there’s no financial penalty from medical issues.</p>

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<p>So good news all around. Most of my tests have come back normal so far :). They are starting me on therapy for the anemia and some other things. However, they said almost everything looks OK. I still have one more major appointment on the first day of school. That is when all the tests are supposed to be back.</p>

<p>I talked to the school. They said it was my choice of whether or not I wanted to start this term or next. As long as I withdraw before the add/drop date they told me it would be no problem getting a refund or deferring that money to the next semester.</p>

<p>Overall, I am very relieved by all this news. Thanks everyone for helping :)</p>

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<p>Great news! Good luck & really DO see a nutritionist/dietitian & go over how your diet could be improved to help your health. There should be one for the U or med school. It should be covered by insurance or student fees, at least mostly.</p>

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<p>I’m glad you got some good news. I actually have the same health issues as you do and have done since I was very young. I agree with getting in touch with the disability office as you may need an occasional helping hand. Please make very sure to speak with your doctor (or better yet, a pharmacist) as some anemia and thyroid medications can conflict with each other and with supplements or food. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you plan out the timing of your medication. I ended up in the hospital and out of commission for several months because of that problem. Which is easily remedied but not often communicated. Best of luck to you and please feel free to PM me at any time if I can offer firsthand information or advice.</p>

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<p>Taking a medical leave is not always a simple matter. Some schools have very difficult conditions to meet, in order to return, including, for instance, 6 months of paid full-time work in a non-family job, or, a requirement to apply to the school all over again.</p>

<p>As you said, it can also throw off your sequence of classes for some majors, because the missing semester interferes with full-year classes.</p>

<p>Please know that disability offices and doctors and deans will not solve your problems. You need an adult in your life,to help you set things up. Some disabilities offices will suggest and implement accommodations, but others will not. Many doctors are not familiar with any of this. And many schools just ask that you work things out with your professors.</p>

<p>Legal rights in colleges are different from legal rights in high schools. The school can simply say that you are not up to doing the work (they are not required to adjust their standards), or that it is administratively difficult for them to accommodate you. There are court cases where students are winning, but the frontier of rights for ill students is still very new.</p>

<p>The disabilities office can, in fact, assure you of a single room in a quiet area. But if you are sick, some schools will not provide any support, and you will just be by yourself in your room, sick. Others have more of a “culture of kindness” and someone will check in, bring food and work, etc.</p>

<p>Any request that you make at the disabilities office should include excused absences, a way to get notes or tapes, substitute assignments to make up for missed discussions, extensions on work deadlines, and postponements of tests and exams as needed. Some schools have incompletes, and reduced courseloads, available by petition. But you, yourself, will have to meet with teachers and explain before classes really get going. And some will not agree.</p>

<p>Our daughter has several chronic illnesses, which we disclosed fully to admissions, and to the disabilities office, health services, and dean. She did end up leaving on medical leave in mid-March, after almost completing the 2nd semester. She lost all credit for her work in that semester. She hung on past what most people could endure, believe me, and it was very hard.</p>

<p>She did a huge amount of work to prove she could return, with lots of help from doctors, and just heard that she can return to school when it starts this weekend, with 10 days notice beforehand.</p>

<p>Knowing what I know now, would I have encouraged her to wait a year and return when she was healthier? No, because her situation is chronic, and really isn’t better one year than another. Starting the school gave her a place to belong. Her new friends kept up with her while she is out. She made good use of the time out, medically and in many other ways, and having started, didn’t feel like she was just sort of lost in space and time.</p>

<p>If your situation is acute rather than chronic,then your plan to stay home and go to CC makes a lot of sense. I am trying to tell you, in a nutshell, that taking medical leave is a huge deal and a much more difficult path than deferring for a year. Deferring while you figure out what is wrong and treating it can assure you of unbroken time at our U, providing the health problem is not chronic.</p>

<p>But if you can find out what is wrong before you start, and think that with a single room, excused absences for appts. or for illness, you can make it through the semester, then by all means try. The memory and concentration problems sound like real obstacles, but taking a reduced courseload might help too.</p>

<p>My gut feeling, reading your post, is that you would be more comfortable deferring and having less stress while you find out what is wrong and what to do.</p>

<p>If you do go, get tuition refund insurance. Dewar’s is the usual company. Ask about it at your college. I PM’ed you about what happened with us with that, and our story will convince you.</p>

<p>Someone your age, dealing with all this, needs an adult ally. Don’t get me wrong, our daughter advocates for herself, and I did not attend any of her meetings with administrators. But I helped guide her, and helped her write doctors (in fact, we wrote the letters and the MD’s signed them, and we provided the list of desired accommodations, which the MD’s also signed). Emotionally, too, you need support.</p>

<p>Perhaps there is a therapist who specializes in families dealing with illness. </p>

<p>I am sick also, and my husband had a stroke a few months back, but we are still very much here for our daughter, so I don’t understand why you are on your own. Have you asked your parents for help, or are you trying to spare them? Try asking, if the latter is true.</p>

<p>You need some help. Don’t expect that you “should” handle all this on your own.</p>

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<p>I have talked to my professors and explained my situation. They have all agreed to work with me if it turns out that I am sick, but as long as I am still well enough to stay at the school. I am in the honors college as well as a residential college in my school, so ALL of my classes have 25 students or less, which makes it easier for the professors to work with me. </p>

<p>As for parents, they’re really not that involved in my life. I have lived on my own for months at a time for the last few years. They have had extended stays in other states for their treatments and to help take care of ailing relatives. I have talked to them about what is going on and they have flat-out told me that they don’t want to deal with it until they find out something is wrong. The anemia and all that I can deal with on my own. I don’t have any other relatives close by, nor do I belong to a church or anything like that which could help me. My emotional, adult support came from some teachers that I was very close to in high school.</p>

<p>As for a therapist, I tried calling my insurance company to see what was covered. Pretty much nothing. There are a few free therapists in my area, but they are booked for a really long time. My family makes less than 20k a year and paying for a therapist out of pocket is not possible by any stretch of the imagination. </p>

<p>As for tuition insurance, I looked into Dewar but they do not cover my school. What other places are there and on average how much do they cost? We cannot really afford much of anything.</p>

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<p>Well, sounds like you may indeed be off to school so good luck with your health and hope you have a healthy, successful semester. Re: therapy and insurance: many student health centers offer students free counseling (at least short term & sometimes longer) while at school. You can probably get an appointment now at the school if you need to talk to someone about your decision making process. Since it sounds like your parents are unable to give you much support at this time, you may want to see one of the therapists at your school’s health center at the beginning of the semester just to make sure you have someone in your corner should you need more help later on. The above poster had a very good point about checking re-admittance policies after medical leaves. When my son got sick, everyone was very helpful about getting him out of there quickly so he could begin treatment, but no one really pointed out the fine print regarding readmission which required an additional semester off after a medical leave AND they preferred a successful semester of CC classes as well to show he was “ready” to return to the university. He got those requirements waived and went on to a successful return but it was a battle to get the exception. Take time to review the policies before you make any decisions. Also, since you are on your own for figuring things out, I would suggest that every time you talk to anyone at the university you write down the date, time, name of person you spoke with/their position. and exactly what was discussed. You can keep notes in your phone if it has that capability or keep a written log, but it can definitely come in handy later to have notes on important conversations.</p>

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<p>Ask the disabilities office about on-campus insurance & also ask them about any tuition refund insurance that applies to your school. They should have suggestions, especially with counseling. Most campuses offer low or no cost counseling for their students. Be persistent. </p>

<p>I agree that it really is helpful to have an adult that can be helpful and consistent in your life as an advocate. I had my kids mostly advocate for themselves but was the liaison as needed between docs & school. It worked well for our family.</p>

<p>What school do you attend? Can you ask the Bursar’s office/Cashier if there is any tuition refund insurance at their campus> They should know.</p>

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<p>I am going to Michigan State University. </p>

<p>I will call tomorrow. I didn’t know who to call so I called financial aid and they didn’t know who to connect me to (I’m pretty sure it was a new student). </p>

<p>I talked to the health center and they do have counseling. They also have a nutritionist. The good news is that our brand new cafeteria has a lot of food made after you order so they can easily tailor to your needs. (It is a pioneering cafeteria that is meant to lead to new healthier food and more options for students, especially for those of us with dietary restrictions.) </p>

<p>The only thing they don’t have is my B12 shots, so I have to wait for those (in the meantime, I am going to go back and forth from school to my doctor to get the shots so I don’t have to pay out of pocket.)</p>

<p>Thanks, bessie. That’s a good idea to record everything. This is the first time I’ve communicated to the school over phone (everything else has been through emails) and didn’t even think to record the info. </p>

<p>I have been in communication with the disability office ever since I registered because of a learning disability and because of a mobility issue (I have arthritis in my knee which makes it difficult to go up and down stairs.) I have a meeting with them on the first day that I move in, so I am just going to wait until then to talk about all this.</p>

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<p>OK, you probably already know this, but as the parent of an anemic daughter I need to remind you: you are more vulnerable than other students. And you need to take care of yourself better than other students do. Which means (I know you hate hearing this and I hate writing this) a lot of sleep, less exposure to germs and regular, nutritious meals. You’ll be tempted to party and stay up half the night because that’s what the other kids will be doing. But resist it, as much as you can. Getting so sick you have to withdraw isn’t worth it!</p>

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<p>Haha, thank you kat. I do not drink at all, nor will I ever (family has lots of alcoholics and I never even want to tempt fate). I also don’t party because I have chronic migraines and noisy, crowded rooms are like kryptonite to me. </p>

<p>I also have early classes which will force me to go to bed early :).</p>