Yes, my son is still getting a lot of emails from schools asking him to apply. Have your son include some schools with better acceptance rates! And probably merit aid for him. At this stage many of the schools have waived application fees also, which I’m sure would be the case with your son given his stats.
I don’t really see the reason to apply to all reaches and no matches/safeties?
One thing you can do is shift the frame a bit.
Focus on
UCs emphasize test scores less than most colleges. However, it is possible or likely that they are considered in context of advantaged/disadvantaged background.
Still, if the student applied only to UCB among the UCs, then he cannot count on it as a safety.
Note that the son of @andi applied to a list with no safeties the second time as well, but got lucky in that he did not get shut out the second time.
Personally, I think you and your son are in a great place as you’re both willing to accept his outcome, come what may. It’s a road not taken by most, but he sounds smart, curious and I’m sure will find his way.
having said that, personally, as a parent who believes an 18-19yo still needs guidance, I’d never have allowed our kids to venture down that road. But what’s right for me and mine is not necessarily what’s right for you and yours.
best of luck!
I don’t think (not certain tho) he’d be late yet in applying to an honors program at community college.
The second round may bring better results.
There are schools that are eager for homeschoolers, as I wrote before, but he certainly is not limited as long as he follows whatever is required or wise for a kid in his situation (and he has done well in college courses, great that he took them).
It is true that elite schools often have great financial aid, but there are many other schools that do, too, and some have both financial aid and merit aid.
In the chance that he does not get good news, there are many college programs he could participate in besides community college. Continuing education, extension and “adult learner” programs would probably be great for him. Harvard Extension is one. Lesley, Goddard, Union Institute. Or any of the many online programs given by privates and publics alike (again Harvard Extension, all of the others above, and state u’s in our state have online courses).
If he qualifies for financial aid, he might be able to transfer and still get that assistance with paying, but check to see the impact of being a transfer versus freshman for that. I know for one of mine, it did not affect her financial aid to transfer to another school.
He could also do a gap year, though it makes him another year older than peers in college. I know two young men who have done National Outdoor Leadership School wilderness training during a gap year. Or something else interesting. This could help with admissions the next time if he still insists on elite schools.
Again, if I were a parent, I would want to understand why the focus on prestige. Perhaps he equates it with quality, which is not necessarily true!
I like what quiet desperation said about what’s right for one isn’t right for another. We don’t know your son or your relationship and I am sure that letting him go down this road, as quiet desperation put it, was the right thing at the right time. We all struggle with when to stay out of things and when to intervene.
This may work out- hope it does- but if it doesn’t you might want to get involved actively at that point because the choices are overwhelming!
I am truly humbled and greatly appreciate all the responses from people - thank you! I had no idea I’d get such a response. I especially appreciate those that saw the human side and focus of what I was saying. (If I had wanted to post a chance me thread for my son, I would have.) It is near impossible to provide entire context of my son’s life, person and choices in an online forum but I can assure that he isn’t fixated with prestige and didn’t arrive at his list of colleges to apply to without extensive research and consideration, choosing each one carefully based on programs they had he is interested in, whether or not they were listed on the Coaltition application, and could provide the funding he needs. I’ve been very involved in his education, have loved being so, and am now reminding myself, I suppose, that there is a point, and this is it, where I need to be gradually stepping back and letting life take it’s course. Because that it easier said than done - nervous jitters. Thank you for all those supportive posts and @SouthFloridaMom9 for the virtual hug! And for the recommendations from others.
There are programs that only Cal has that other UCs don’t? Fin aid would be the same across the UC’s and they all take the same app.
Anyway, as I said, it’s out of your and his hands, so focus on stuff he can control.
“I think we’re making the OP more jittery with the Monday morning quarterbacking.”
Posters intentions are genuine and since there are schools still accepting applications, it’s not really Monday morning quarterbacking yet. OP posted with the intention of talking jitters but one of the great things about CC is the strong advice and you will get that wisdom whether it addresses a posted question or whether it is just an obvious point that needs to be made. Even if it is the latter, it’s a good thing.
“didn’t arrive at his list of colleges to apply to without extensive research and consideration, choosing each one carefully based on programs they had he is interested in, whether or not they were listed on the Coaltition application, and could provide the funding he needs.”
OP, curious as to why the fixation on the Coalition application only since you have mentioned it twice now. It’s easy enough to do Common App. It’s not a big hurdle. Seems like a really arbitrary and misguided way to build a college list. If there is some nuance I am missing, please enlighten.
I also can see where any criteria he might have would only be serviced by those 8 schools.
Just because he loves those programs does not mean they will love him. It is not too late to add to his list. It doesn’t sound like he was especially productive during his first gap year. As a parent, do you really want to watch him do that again? I personally would step in and provide some more direction. Both to help him move closer to launching as an adult, and because I assume you will be paying something toward his college expenses.
This is what makes CC such a great place.
OP- appreciate your nervous jitters, and all of us have had them.
Two thoughts for you- perhaps you can find a diplomatic way to suggest to your son that he do a couple of applications right now (as in- this week) to colleges still accepting applications and where he is a very likely candidate for admissions which you guys can afford. Even if the only upside is that you sleep better at night from now until March. If he ends up not needing them (i.e. gets accepted to one of his top choices) you can all laugh about it on your way to moving him in to his first choice/better choice college.
OR- figure out whether his insistence on “my way” is a deeply ingrained character trait- which you need to learn to deal with as you pull back from primary parenting, or just how it is manifested when he’s doing something for the first time or where he doesn’t have a lot of life experience- in which case, your job is to find ways to help expand his knowledge base, suggest “experts” for him to talk to, etc. to save him from himself.
I’ve got one kid who has been incredibly independent almost since toddlerhood. Fell down a lot while learning to walk- always got right back up even with the tears still running down. Made mistakes, always accepted responsibility and figured out how to fix, never blamed others, etc. I’m something of a control freak so learning to parent this kid in adulthood was challenging- but I think I’ve learned. I keep my mouth shut and provide love and an ear.
I’ve got another kid who won’t take advice from me but is tentative enough sometimes that suggesting someone else- family member, friend, a counselor- often works. Back when this kid was applying to grad school and took a “reach or bust” approach (which I thought was short-sighted) I suggested meeting with a counselor whose ad I’d seen somewhere who did “one hour consults” over the phone for a nominal fee. This kid was a few years out of college and had been working, so was out of touch a little with admissions dynamics-- I just felt getting some advice from a non-family member would be the way to go.
It worked. One hour session. Counselor gave two pieces of very practical advice (a school that met the criteria but which hadn’t made the list and was a sort-of safety… kid was happy to add it to the list and got admitted a few weeks later), and one about the essay/strategy which also worked (kid did not end up at the safety-type school). I could have said the same things and kid would have shut down- but kid was sufficiently shaky doing something new (grad school with nobody to talk to) to accept advice from a professional.
So regardless of what happens now with these colleges- maybe you can start to work on a dynamic which will be helpful for both of you going forward. Heavy touch? Light touch? Suggest and then back off? Keep your mouth shut? You’re about to launch the longest period of parenting- an adult- not a teenager and not a child- and figuring out what works is going to save you a lot of aggravation down the road!!!
Hugs.
@calmom thanks.
blossom’s post is very wise…We find out we cannot step back as much as we thought, sometimes, and each child has a different ability to tolerate involvement by parents. Strategies are needed! I think it could help with jitters to know that a kid leaving is a process, not an event. Your involvement with your son will gradually change as he assumes adulthood. Going to college doesn’t have to be like stepping off a cliff, it can be more like walking down a long long gentle hill : )
@doschicos I don’t mind the suggestions at all; I really appreciate them. Still hoping to see another safety school app or two turned in. I think the poster who made the quarterbacking comment, which I actually appreciated, was referring to the reactionary assumptions and heavy focus on judging the college choices, speculating on what must be wrong with the people making them - not the constructive suggestions.
In that regard, I did purposely come to the parent forum so as to not get wrapped up in chances conversations, especially since the applications are already in. If I had wanted to do that, I would have filled out all the other helpful info for context like DS’s fantastic interviews, LOR’s out of the park, lots of leadership and community service oriented EC’s and unique special interests. A national win, a state win, and several regional wins. Incredibly gifted and performing musician. None of those things happen throughout one’s childhood, btw, with an uninvolved parent. My husband and I have definitely been very involved every step of the way, and it is not an issue for me to be hands off or hesitant to speak up in guidance. Truly, that’s why I’m needing to remind myself to step back a little. Last year DS learned a lot by skidding in all of his applications at the last minute, for fussing over them, and with errors. This year he got them in on time, and nicely polished. He’s not particularly strong willed; he did a good job of convincing us of the reasons for his college choices and has agreed to find one more safety school to add.
To answer @doschicos question about Coaltion vs Common App, DS did use the common app last year and it was fine. He chose the Coalition one this year, and applying to colleges that don’t take it and need the Common App instead would require writing a new essay for the Common App, having all his recommenders set up new accounts and resubmit letters for the Common App when they already did so for Coalition and other misc. things. There is a pretty generous selection of colleges taking the Coalition App, and he is reviewing which ones are still accepting applications to get in a safety school.
But I think a difference for him is that he is very motivated about higher education in general but not desperate about traditional college being the only way to go about attaining it. He applied to the ones he wants to go to, will apply to at least one more he wants to go to a little less and will work out something else if not accepted. He knows the reality and possible outcomes. He highly values higher education itself, but isn’t sold on the idea that there is only one way to get it, or that one’s life is over if they don’t go to college. He’s very motivated and has a lot of competent and marketable skill sets. I’m not worried about him being able to support himself in the world.
I’m needing to remember to process this time of future finding in the most sane and gracious way possible, trying to not be over or under involved. All the same - would still love to fast forward a bit! 
But will settle for the patience of one day at a time. My admiration and respect to all of you parents here who are doing the same at this stage in your children’s lives!
I’m struggling with why anyone would only apply to Berkeley and not check the box for one or more of the other fabulous UC’s like Santa Barbara or San Diego or Davis. So many choices in California. Or Cal Poly/Cal State that’s a 20 minute app, no essays.
As a possible stress reducer - some time in early May a list goes out on line of colleges and universities that still have space available. There are often very good places on that list, including LACs with strong music programs. I can’t remember what it’s called or the link, but it probably can be googled. Last May, somebody provided the link on this site when it came out. If this ends up being of interest for your son, he will need to move fast once it’s published.
Do let us know how things turn out. I hope he gets accepted at one of his top choices and that it ends up being affordable for your family.
FA can be an issue for that late list, though. Aid is best for students who apply by the regular admissions deadline. And although there are definitely some good schools on that list every year, the schools that meet need aren’t usually on that list.
If this student takes a second gap year…will he still be eligible for Calgrant? Doesn’t that need to be taken within two years of HS graduation?