Nervous Jitters from CA mom

Parents Forum
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@CoramDeo7 - I appreciate your posts, and I think your son’s perspective of “there is more than one way to get a good education” is admirable.

One comment / possible modification which might be good for both your son and your jitters is - it’s much easier to decide if a school meets your goals after acceptance as opposed to before. IOW, I think he’s picking schools that he knows are acceptable to him. Which is likely an extremely restrictive filter. He could certainly apply to schools that he’s less sure of, with the understanding that he might not go to them even if it’s the only school that accepts him. But he might. If those are the only schools that accept him, he can make a much more informed decision by visiting them / studying them in detail. And if he gets into some reach schools on his list - he doesn’t have to do any more research on those schools.

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I think those who are suggesting throwing some matches or safeties into the mix are simply wanting to soften the blow for OP and her son as no one can crawl into the brains of admissions folks to see what their criteria is for a particular year. A kid’s numbers might be a perfect match (or wayyyyy above the average) for a school and they may still not get in. It’s natural to look at one’s offspring, see the smarts and accomplishments, and assume that he/she will be admitted to at least one great school. Problem is, the world is littered with VERY accomplished candidates who are all vying for a finite number of spots in those schools. We have all been down that nervous road of wondering if our kids will get accepted ANYWHERE; when that first acceptance rolls in, it’s such a relief. It truly does feel like a crapshoot. However, if OP’s son is really not interested in going anywhere else other than where he applied, then we will all cross our collective fingers for him. I will say that UCB cannot be considered a safety, for anyone.

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It is a hard time for many of us! The worry won’t end when he gets an acceptance, either. Then you begin to wonder about whether it is the right school, what he should study, whether he will have a good roommate, whether he will eat right, and all the other things soon to be out of your hands! My fingers are crossed for you and your son. Whatever happens, he has a supportive parent behind him - and that is a wonderful thing. Cheers

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For others reading this thread. I honestly think every student should have at least one rolling admissions or EA school on their application list…where they have a good likelihood of acceptance. Having one acceptance in the bag early in the process really takes the edge off of waiting for regular decision schools to send their acceptance results in April.

This student could have applied EA to Chicago…right? At least that would,have been a known outcome by now…and not binding.

Or this student could,have found any number of other rolling or EA schools…and at least known he had an acceptance or not earlier in the game.

To the OP…could you ask him to do ONE parent pick? Lots of parents do,this. They work with their student to identify a school…or two…that meets most of the kid’s desires…but is a parent pick.

Both of my kids applied to one parent pick.neither attended that parent pick…but at least I felt good,that it was an option. Both got accepted to the parent pick with very large merit awards.

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I agree with this “For others reading this thread. I honestly think every student should have at least one rolling admissions or EA school on their application list…where they have a good likelihood of acceptance. Having one acceptance in the bag early in the process really takes the edge off of waiting for regular decision schools to send their acceptance results in April.” My daughter applied to a few real reaches she would love to attend, but it just may not happen. The fact that we already have 6 acceptances and 4 scholarship offers in the bag has completely taken the edge of for both of us as we wait for April.

I think many of us are just trying to be helpful, mother to mother. I shared earlier in this thread a list of schools still accepting applications, there are some really great choices there he could still apply to so that he has options come spring.

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You might want to PM @sbjdorlo. She might have some insight into some safety schools. If I recall correctly her S is both homeschooled and musical and she is in Ca.

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I respect a parent’s right to feel Sad Beautiful Emotions as much as the next person, but in a situation OP describes, I agree with the others’ call for action.

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Hoping @sbjdorlo posts a response on this thread!!

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I think that if he expects to be shut out eveywhere, there can be nothing but positive surprises.

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Both Purdue and University of Michigan are Coalition schools, and appears to accept applications still (Michigan is Feb 1 deadline – though it’s own application site only seems to refer to Common App).

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Neither Purdue or Michigan guarantees to meet full need for all accepted students from OOS. It,seems this family also has some financial concerns.

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@thumper1, you are right, I should have included that as a competing consideration.

With that in mind, a CA community college and transfer after 2 years may be the most reasonable option if the student is not accepted to any school on his list.

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After 2 years at a community college, would he still be able to get FA like a first year student?

I think in principle it is good to let our “adult” kid to take the lead or make decision on college applications. At the same time, we as parents have a lot more life experience. As an example, in today’s world it is hard to have a career without at least a college degree. No matter how good a programmer someone is, it is hard to get a job and get promoted without a college degree. It is admirable for OP’s son to think going to college is not the only way of getting an education, but unfortunately the conventional job market often requires that certificate.

My nephew is considering a graduate business school. He is only considering top tier MBA schools, but not so when he applied to colleges (even though he ended up going to JHU). His reasoning was he had to go to a college to just get a job, but lower tier MBA schools wouldn’t necessary advance his job prospect, so why waste time and money.

I understand OP’s son wants to go to a school that he feels would meet his educational needs. At the same time, it is hard for me to believe he couldn’t get similar education at Cornell as U Penn. What about CMU, Rochester, Tufts, BU, Michigan, UCLA, USC…or any top 50 schools.

All of us were on pins and needles when our kids were applying to schools, but our goal was to make sure our kids ended up at a school. It meant to have a good mix of reach to match schools.

OP - your son sounds like a great person and student. He did very well as a homeschooled student, so he should be accustom to advocate for himself to get best education possible no matter where he goes. He doesn’t need to go to a tippy top school to be intellectually stimulated. I think what’s more important now is for him to have a school to go to next fall instead of sitting out for another year.

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This is a really great school that explicitly welcomes homeschoolers and applicants who have had a gap year. I didn’t google it for those reasons, but because I have heard great things about it. It is on the West Coast. And though the deadline is January 15 for regular decision, the website says you can still apply. It is only the 18th. I hope your son will consider it! http://college.lclark.edu/offices/admissions/

And this is the other school that came to mind, with a deadline of January 17th perhaps they would be flexible for a kid like your son. http://pugetsound.edu/admission/

Both of these schools have good music, which is one reason I know about them. And both draw kids whose education has been at home or alternative or whatever.

One of my kids is doing college in a nontraditional way, partly due to a health challenge. It is taking quite a bit of time compared to siblings. She also works a low pay job for quite a few hours/week. It’s not easy but it will work out for her, I’m sure. She feels a degree is necessary despite my own more relaxed attitude on the matter. Anyway no matter what happens, things do tend to work out : )

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@thumper1 - there are several different types of CalGrants and eligibility differs for each. If a student doesn’t qualify of one type, they may qualify for another. But it can only be applied to an in-state school and the application must be submitted by March 2. Homeschooled students need to submit test scores to qualify.

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OP, I read this entire thread and have tons of thoughts. First, you sound like a very loving mother. In my opinion, I think you and your son are very, very ambivalent about him going away to school. Even though I think he sounds very impressive (stats, grades, ECs) he was rejected with those wonderful things last year. Maybe, as you said, he didn’t put his all into his applications then. I really hope he gets into at least one of his schools. I do wonder if he’ll want to go if he does get in.

I don’t know about community college in CA, but do they provide all the social aspects that you would find in a 4 yr school? I think the education is important, but so is everything else you can get from going away and living amongst your peers. It’s not for everyone, but some kids really look forward to all the fun you can have being away.

Please, for all your sakes do not encourage his line of thinking that “college isn’t for everyone” and that he will do just fine without formal education. I heard the same expressions from a brilliant sibling of mine. He sounds like your son. He enjoys learning on his own and is quite verse in so many topics. My sibling is one of the smartest people I know, but it didn’t get him anywhere. He never lived up to his potential and has never made a very good income.I guess you don’t need college if you are going into locksmithing or plumbing or construction. Someone as intellectual and education oriented as your son should get a formal education. Even if he becomes a civil servant he can only go so far without the degree. Job prospects are not great for those without college degrees!

Now is not the time to be a passive parent (unless you really do want him living at home and going to community college).It’s fine to stay actively involved until he is safely tucked away in a college or working a full time job. You are still supporting him, so by all means, tell him your thoughts.

I wish you all the best.

Eta- my sibling actually did go to college, but dropped out,

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@thumper1 and @mom60, thanks for tagging me in this thread.

OP, I didn’t read through everything, but I know you’re not alone in your jitters. Hugs to you as you wait! I also can relate to those feelings of “losing” your relationship with your son. I was (and still am) super close to my oldest son, and when he went 3000 miles away to MIT for college, it was very hard. Wow, did I miss him! Still do, but now that he’s graduated, got married, and is living a lot closer, it’s not so bad. :slight_smile: Fortunately, there are many ways to stay in touch these days!

I have homeschooled for 17 years privately in California, and I now work as a private college consultant (in addition to continue to homeschool my youngest), and I can assure you that, for your list of schools, being low-income will not be a hindrance to acceptances. I believe all the schools that your son applied to are need-blind, so they do not consider income when making admissions decisions. We are a high need family (Pell Grant once in the last four years), and it did not hinder either of my older children from getting into highly selective colleges, so please don’t be anxious about that.

As far as whether being homeschooled will keep him out of colleges: no, homeschooling in and of itself does not keep kids out of colleges these days. Many homeschoolers are accepted to top colleges. 3-4 on your son’s list are well known to take homeschoolers. And a gap year doesn’t necessarily have a negative effect on admissions if a student is doing something productive.

So, if you were asking if any of these things in themselves would keep your son out of his colleges, the answer is no. What would keep him from getting accepted would be the holistic combination of everything: test scores, grades, letters of recommendation, activities, achievements, and using the gap year very productively and beefing up his application (new letters of recommendation, new accomplishments, etc).

Understand that he’s competing against the best of the best in the nation since he only applied to top schools. He sounds like a great young man, and I love that he’s very unconcerned. That speaks volumes about him. And of course you need to stay on top of the admin side of apps, so you sound right on track to me.

My oldest was unusual in that he was accepted to all 9 colleges he applied to. He had two safeties on his list, UT Dallas (still accepting applications, btw, and still offering scholarships) and U Pittsburgh.

My middle son had a very similar profile to your son in terms of SAT and GPA. His music was his biggest strength (he had a lot of weaknesses), and he submitted cello recordings to most schools. He applied to schools as selective as Stanford (didn’t get in) and as non-selective as University of Colorado, Colorado Springs (accepts 90% of applicants). He did much better than I thought, and was accepted to 16 schools including one Ivy and a couple of UC schools, waitlisted at 3, and rejected at 4 (all highly selective).

Had I known you before, I would have encouraged your son to have a different list of schools-still include some reaches, but branch out a little. College admissions is pretty crazy these days. But, ha-ha, you didn’t ask about other colleges, so I won’t go there.

I do understand about feeling that no college is good enough for him. I didn’t think that necessarily, but it was hard to see my oldest at some colleges. Oddly enough, MIT wasn’t on his list until fall of senior year, and it turned out to be the exact right choice for him. He and I both agree we couldn’t have imagined him anywhere else…and yet, he would have made due wherever he went. Your son sounds like that kind of “go with the flow” guy. He will do great wherever he ends up.

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@sbjdorlo, thank you so very much for this post.

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I have been thinking about this, for some reason, while offline. And I just want to add that I believe this is a really key moment in your son’s life, a pivotal one, honestly, and I hope you encourage him to apply to the few great schools that are still taking applications- asap. I posted a couple of schools up thread, as did others, but there are many

Speaking from personal experience, his life will be very different depending on whether or not he gets into one of the (competitive schools) he applied to, and that kind of cliffhanger situation is just not necessary. He is already older, and missing out on the experience of a residential college with peers would be too bad I think.

There will be no need for jitters if he does not get in. He won’t go. I would make sure he has one or two choices where he will definitely get in, and then get back to dealing with jitters : )