@compmom
“Going to college doesn’t have to be like stepping off a cliff, it can be more like walking down a long long gentle hill : )”
As a parent of a C18, I am really taking this to heart. Thank you!
One of the problems with home-schoolers is that sometimes they are deprived from the common knowledge such as collage feasibility which otherwise they could grasp from their peers in a usual school setting.
No one should consider a list of schools in which its least competitive school is Cal.
(For many “top” students the most competitive school in their list is actually Cal!)
For clarification, @uclaparent9, when you say “college feasibility” do you mean understanding how competitive colleges are? I agree that for the OP, it does seem to be that there was not a complete understanding of this, but most of the high achieving homeschoolers I interact with are well aware of how hard it is to get into colleges, particularly the homeschoolers that I know in the Bay Area.
There’s a great Yahoo Group for homeschoolers nationwide-many of them very high achieving-that has helped many families, and many homeschoolers on the list get into the usual litany of “top” colleges such as Harvard, MIT, Stanford, and the like (and there’s always a really nice diversity of colleges that kids get into-not just the most selective). The mantra there is the same as here: have safeties on your list.
Oh come on @uclaparent9! Naivete and unrealistic expectations about college admissions is HARDLY exclusive to homeschoolers. Are you living under a rock?
Yes, I meant exactly what you said: “understanding how competitive colleges are?”
And I did not mean necessarily in regard to your child, but made a general comment.
All I meant to say was to have enough “safeties” (which seems that you also agree).
Definitely agree kids should have safeties, but also agree with @redpoodles that this is not exclusive to homeschoolers. I work with students of many educational backgrounds, and I actually find it hardest to convince my Chinese Intl students to apply to safety schools.
Sorry-I think we are veering off topic!
@CoramDeo7-I’m sure you covered this with your son but I wanted to share that my son had no safeties on his list at first and said that he would go to community college if he didn’t get in. But teens can be fickle and when he really stopped and thought about it, I don’t think he would have been happy with that. We were able to visit some safety schools that he would like almost as much as his top choices. I’m not saying that your situation is like this but even if he has a small reservation at all about going the CC route, then I would say the lack of safeties/matches would be a concern.
I think it’s natural for all parents to have jitters at this stage of life. But this incredible all or nothing moon shot has t be making it significantly worse because if this doesn’t work out a lot of opportunities will go away by being 2 years from graduation or needing to apply as a transfer student if he takes more CC classes. I would try and find a way to talk to him about at least a few other options now. Talk to him about having multiple plans to decide between in May if these 6 schools don’t work out. I do see your points about maturity and not being sure when kid are really ready to be on their own and particularly in this college application strategy where he is basically saying if I can’t have the present I want I don’t want want any presents at all. Maybe just applying to these schools is his way of saying I’m not ready. But we all worry that what if he becomes ready and has nothing in a few months. I saw huge leaps of maturity in all my kids as they went through ages 17-20.
The OP has not been back and presumably the specific schools some of us suggested as being good choices and still available for application have either been followed up or not. I would have the jitters in this situation too. But I sense resistance and a desire for “hugs” rather than suggestions. Hope it works out.
OP has been back a lot. And she has thanked all of us for our suggestions, and she has said she will try to incorporate some of our advice.
If you disagree with some of the decisions she’s made, that’s fine, everyone does things differently. But I don’t think it’s fair to criticize her for not listening.
My colleague’s son learnt computer programming without any instructions or guidance as a hobby… in middle school. Then he opened a small business and worked as a consultant for several years just for fun. He is a very gifted child, genius-level gifted. Well, when this kid was in HS, he suddenly informed his parents that he was not interested in applying to colleges, because he did not see the point. He felt that the parents’ pushed him into college for prestige reasons only. He wanted to travel, to explore, to volunteer abroad, but he did not have any good idea of what he wanted to do, or why, neither he had a clear plan for supporting himself during this period. He refused to visit colleges, declined meetings with his college counsellor, you get the picture. And he remained a great student with perfect grades, interesting hobbies etc. His parents were devastated.
That year, we were in the middle of the college application process for our son. So, we invited this family for a dinner party, and spent the entire evening talking to him. We’ve never met him before that night, and his parents practically dragged him in. At first he was extremely reserved and skeptical, but we gradually earned his trust by telling him that we supported many of his views, that prestige and ratings were not important, that he did not have to go to college just to earn a degree. We did not try to convince him, but rather told him why college was important for our son. We openly discussed the pros and cons, we spoke about managing expectations. Our son did most of the talking. He explained how excited he was about a student non-profit group he planned to join, about the possibilities to learn and explore, about being challenged through learning many new things and fields, about meeting new friends who share his interests, about student clubs etc. We explained that, whatever were his passions and motivations, he would have many more opportunities to explore and pursue them in college rather than on his own. He was shocked - it never occurred to him to think about it this way. Most importantly, we told him that he did not have to attend college to please his parents. We said he should do himself a favor to explore what is right for him. We explained how fortunate he was to have all those choices and opportunities, and how many students would dream to take his place. And that he owes it to himself to make an informed and a well-reasoned decision, which he would not regret later. And that in a few years he would be kicking himself if he did not do that now. Long story short, he is now a happy and successful student in the University of Chicago. No regrets. And we are very proud. We periodically see his parents, but have not seen or spoken to the son again.
The “moral” of this story is that young students can be strongly determined and committed to certain things, but for a wrong reason, or for no reason at all. And, imo, it is a responsibility of adults in their life to gently guide them through choices and to help them decide which one is right for them and why. This would not insult or demean their independence or intelligence, and they will thank the adults later for helping them to get through this difficult period.
OP: If my son applied to ultra-competitive colleges … without any safeties … for the second year in a row … after “skidding in all of his applications at the last minute” during the previous year … and still preferred CC or entrepreneurship as the backup option … in spite of highly valuing higher education … and choosing a neurobiology major … I would also have nervous jitters … big time (apologies if I misrepresented any of his views - it is a little difficult for me to follow the reasoning explained in your posts). Good luck to you and your son!
Hi Everyone,
OP here. I’m happy to report that S has applied to a solid safety now (acceptance rate of 96%.) He may not actually attend, but at least that option is there to consider along with transferring or ‘other.’ Of the colleges he has now applied to, Harvard, MIT and UChicago were matched to him as ‘reaches.’ Duke was nearly so but upper end of match so we count it as reach. Williams, Amherst, Rice, UCBerkeley, and Northwestern were matches. So, we’ll see. 10 applications - 4 reaches, 5 matches and 1 safety.
Thanks again to everyone who contributed your thoughtful feedback and suggestions. I read every post. Best of luck to all of you.
What source are you relying on to determine reach, match, safety.
I could argue that schools your have listed as matches are really reaches, best case low reaches, for pretty much everybody. With acceptances in past years at 10-18%, and lower for unhooked applicants, are they really matches?
Glad you added a safety but how about a school with an acceptance rate greater than 18% but lower than 96%? There is a very wide chasm in rigor there.
CDeo7 you sound like a loving mother with a fine son. However multiple posters asked you to list your son’s M+CR SAT scores. When it comes to the most highly selective schools this is what matters. Your unwillingness to answer multiple times suggests your son’s 650 was in one of these two categories. If that is indeed true then without a hook your son is most unlikely to gain admission to any highly selective school. Unfortunately this is just the way it is today. With a 650 in either M or CR and no hook every school you listed are major reaches with the exception of UCB which is still a reach. I would strongly suggest adding a few true match schools and additional safeties.
9 reaches 1 safety.
Sorry… these schools are not matches for anyone. Literally anyone. Okay, Malia Obama. No one else.
There are a LOT of schools between 9 reaches and a safety with a 96% admission rate, too.
This is the OPs kid’s SAT score.
If the 800 and 650 are his Math and CR scores, that is a 1450 (old SAT…he didn’t retake). In my opinion…this would put his original list of schools ALL in the reach department.
There are LOTS of,schools in between schools accepting under 20% and schools accepting 96% of all applicants.
I agree…9 reaches.
Really…no safeties…because he doesn’t want to attend the school where 96% get accepted…right?
I also want to add, how can schools be considered matches when your son received NO acceptances from schools of this caliber last year and no significant accomplishments noted in his year off?? This just isn’t prudent and rational thinking. I wish your family the best but I don’t get the thought process here at all.
The wrinkle is, many families look at stats and see that, if the applicant is in the top 25% of the stats for the admitted students, they conclude they are a match. BUT schools with acceptance rate below – pick your number, 30%, 20% (surely, most people agree below 10% is “lottery” school) – are rejecting many many students whose stats also put them in the top 25%.
To me, that’s not a match, it’s a reach. I suppose, if someone truly accepted “match” to mean, as much a chance of rejection as acceptance, those schools could be a “match” But I think many of us delude ourselves that a “match” is likely/should get in" rather than 50/50 shot.
Sorry to be so terse earlier. @Midwestmomofboys has got it right. We delude ourselves, at least the first time around. My son with a 34 ACT was rejected at Northwestern, USC, UNC, waitlisted at BC and Vanderbilt. He did end up attending Vandy. Younger brother applied to many more matches and safeties but with 2140 SAT and a potential hook (deaf) was rejected at Colby, probably Bates (never really heard back) and waitlisted at Macalester. (Attends Skidmore and loves it.)