<p>Okay parents, I didn't think I'd get this involved in my ds essays. He's got one more to write, but it's one of those, tell a time when you "made a difference" in your school or community. Well, I got a kid who is one of those "nice guys" that really can't think of how he's "made a difference", and I can't point to one thing either. He's a good kid, not an officer, big leader type of person. He does do EC's but doesn't see any "one" thing where he's "made a difference". I told him the schools aren't expecting Nobel prize contributions, but he's still at lost. Any suggestions on how to spin this to get the mind and creatice juices going again?</p>
<p>I'd have a long talk about how he treats people. I'm thinking here about my own son, and it sounds as if yours is a bit like him. If he is, then he has made a big difference in someone's life by being a good friend. He may be too modest to acknowledge it right away; hence, the long talk. </p>
<p>It's worth a try. These nice guys shouldn't finish last. They're often the best there is.</p>
<p>Hate those essays that make kids think if they didn't cure cancer, they didn't do anything! My S had the same problem writing an essay about "what will you contribute to this college?" - HUH?? - He really had no idea with that one...Most kids can't/won't BS this kind of thing (to their credit, I might add) and won't inflate their accomplishments. </p>
<p>Agree with ctymomteacher - maybe something occurred a long time ago where he was a good friend - stood up for someone - etc. You might remember something he did that he barely barely remembers, but showed his kindness, caring, etc.</p>
<p>He also should ask his friends for advice. I bet they can tell him how he has made a difference in their lives and in other situations. The college isn't looking for answers worthy of a Nobel Prize. The college simply wants to accept students who care about others and who do things, even small things, to make their surroundings a little better.</p>
<p>Thanks all. The trouble with asking his friends is I suggested that, especially his girlfriend, and it turned out she couldn't think of one thing either. That certainly didn't help the ego! He's working on it, taking the stance of it's not one thing he did, but a lot of little things, being a good friend, etc. and pointing that out. Maybe they'll like it, or maybe they won't, but I do know it'll be honest and from the heart.</p>
<p>Do his friends use him as a sounding board or do they turn to him for advice when things are tough? That typically happens with nice guys. He could describe one such instance.</p>
<p>What about around the house: Is he the type who cheers people up or calms people down when there are family problems? How has he made a difference in your life?</p>
<p>I have a nice guy son and can think of times when he has done a lot to help me during challenging times. He thinks that everyone would do what he did, but it's not true. He has a real gift for saying the right thing during a rough time. If your son is like that, too, perhaps you can give him some examples.</p>
<p>Great insight NSMom - nice people are also often low key and don't realize how their calm demeanor can be a safe haven sometimes. I have a friend like that whom I call "Voice of Reason"</p>
<p>Choff, your private messge is turned off. How about this as a topic-Kid who comes to dad/mom/sister/brother frantic or morose about the unanswerable essay prompt and learns that something he did changed his dad/mom/sister/brother's life? Just a thought. Sometimes the simplest essays can be the best.</p>
<p>Curmudgeon, thanks. I think I've changed my control preferences now so I can get messages. Shows you how little I use this forum at times. I can't afford to do more, it's too addicting! Your idea is good. At least now I know he has an idea of how to approach it. Now, just to get him to write it. He does well with essays, but getting the production done is another story.</p>
<p>Choff, At least that removes that excuse.</p>
<p>As to the other, do you have a cat-o-nine tails or a hairshirt or a willow switch? Oh wait, that was back at the monastery and a long long time ago. I'll be thinking about a more acceptably modern approach.</p>
<p>Choff,
I agree with asking his friends for advice. Most people would be hard-put to say how things they have done are meaningful - but their close friends could probably list times when they were horribly down and your son cheered them up; when he put things in perspective or gave them great advice; or when he was just there and supportive when no one else was and they needed someone (happens so very often in the teen years!). Unfortunately, it's just human nature to really not acknowlege the people in our lives the way we should... but I think that the friends would be able to give some great insight.</p>
<p>If he has the knack of being amusing he could actually write about his conviction that he hasn't made a difference--yet---and then talk about a difference he will make. That gives him room to describe a dream or idea he has. He may be falling "short" by his own standards because he's got some great ideas and standards for a real difference.</p>
<p>My son--also a nice guy-- did a "topic of choice" essay that was about who he might be at 30. It let him be both funny and serious about his interests. When we went to the college's local holiday reception the adcom we met mentioned the essay because he remembered reading it. (Son was admitted ED so we assume it wasn't a painful memory)</p>
<p>Even writing about the experience of having your girlfriend say you hadn't made a difference might work. At this stage in reading essays the adcoms will be delighted with something that isn't the expected--as long as it is honest and from the heart. And your son's a nice guy so it will be.</p>
<p>Teenagers often have a hard time writing about themselves. Modesty is a good trait, but a degree blowing your own bugle is necessary in college applications. I was just listening to The Great Gatsby (while jogging) and was struck by this quote which I think would make a good essay topic. </p>
<p>Everyone suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known.</p>
<p>Although the irony of this particular statement (it turns out that the narrator isnt entirely honest with himself) would preclude using this example, I think it may help for your son to start with a quote and/or a virtue and take it from there.</p>
<p>Take him to see, "It's a Wonderful Life." :)</p>
<p>What about all the situations where he has been part of a team or group? Did he ever question, challenge or offer advice to the "leader" that made a difference? Or did he contribute to the effective harmonious working of the group so that it accomplished its goals? Or come up with a compromise that prevented the group from splitting apart.? Being an effective teamplayer and modelling this behavior for others is worthwhile.</p>
<p>What about acts of kindness to younger, weaker or less gifted people than himself?</p>
<p>When my son was in high school writing an essay to get into a summer program, he had a hard time with a question asking him to describe some "challenge" he had faced and overcome. (He thought his life had been pretty boring up to then, and he wanted the summer program precisely to add a little challenge or adventure into his life).</p>
<p>He ended up writing about a simple incident with a friend, describing how he had failed to do his part on a group project because he was too busy with assignments other classes, then realized he was letting the others in the group down - and describing how he dealt with that. It was a very nice essay - I liked it particularly because it was self-critical - the theme was - "how I fixed a mistake I made" rather than "how I did something impressive and wonderful". So he was able to write a moving and convincing essay demonstrating personal insight, focusing on something that was rather routine in the life of a teenager. </p>
<p>So the bottom line is: think small. "Making a difference" does not have to be an earth shattering event -- it can be as small a thing as taking time to smile and talk to a kid who is being shunned or taunted by others. A kid who is "Mr. Nice Guy" at his school has probably practiced thousands of random acts of kindness without even being aware that is what he is doing.</p>
<p>NJres - Yes!!! I thought about George Bailey as soon as I read the first post. "Each man's life touches so many others" or whatever it is Clarence says. </p>
<p>Choff - maybe your son could muse a bit on what might have happened at a particular time or place if he hadn't been there.</p>
<p>I once received an email (that I no longer have) from a friend which asked a list of questions. I'm paraphrasing here, but it a shorter version goes something like:
Name the last Nobel scientist.
Name the person with the greatest batting average in baseball.
Name the fastest runner of all time.
Name the artist with the most awards in photography.
Name the last Pulitzer prize winner.
Name the teacher that affected you the most.</p>
<p>In short, it is typically NOT the famous who affect one's life the most. </p>
<p>What makes your son "a nice guy"? Does he genuinely and passionately "care" about his friends, his studies, etc.? I dare say we don't have enough people in this world with the same attributes!!!! (except of course all the parents on CC).</p>
<p>You all have wonderful ideas, and thoughts, and are better at articulating them than I was with him. I had even thought of the "It's a Wonderful Life" analogy and had mentioned it, but at the time, he wasn't "ready" to hear it. I know he thought more about it, and I think has an idea. Since we're getting a good snow storm this weekend, it should give us some at home "quality" family togetherness time, so hopefully we can talk more and he can FINALLY get this done. This, and turning in the transcript request at school (can you tell this is an ADD kid?) is all that's holding up this LAST application!</p>
<p>kjofkw your post is just about the culmination of everyone's very thoughtful posts for choff's son. Choff, does your son ever read this forum, if not I bet it would do his "ego" a world of good to read this thread. </p>
<p>As a friend of mine once reminded me - when I was feeling particularly down about my lack of "career" - when it's time for someone's funeral/memorial the important stuff isn't about what company so and so was CEO of, or where they went to college or grad school or anything like that, but it is about what they DID for people and how they touched the lives of others (usually the "others" who are giving the eulogy or sitting in the memorial service!). When you get down to it this is the stuff of life and it sounds as though your son's got some of it already. </p>
<p>I'd love to hear what he finally does end up writing about, too. :-)</p>