OP, you did enough to help them. Just take your mind off this matter and get on with your life. No obligation on your part to do anything at this point. I wouldn’t even take it upon yourself to teach your niece anything, as it may lead to more troubles. Only thing you might say to the parent might be “It might be nice to thank the company.” I say this only because if someone I recommended to them does not thank them, I might look bad.
The implication OP may “take away” $30,000 from tactless ungrateful family who showed zero appreciation is interesting. What about scholarships that require a student maintain a certain GPA? Are those donors and institutions awful and mean spirited for taking away scholarships when a student drops to a 2.9 GPA instead of the required 3.0 GPA? After all, the student is still pursuing an education, why not keep helping them? Are those donors and institutions “passive aggressive” and “lacking compassion” and “spoiling a student’s education” too?
Question for those implying they forgot or a simple oversight: So they didn’t realize how all those thousands they had earmarked for tuition this year were suddenly freed up as they drove to the car dealership to lease a hot new ride? Sorry, I wasn’t born yesterday. These people are jerks and walking all over OP and her goodwill. Family or not, I’d personally want the $30,000 to go to more appreciate people.
Oprah always said “don’t loan money you expect to get back”
Do a good things cause you want to not because you want results. But yes a Thank You or fist pump should of been done.
Please read and act on my other suggestion.
I work at a private college that will give my children free tuition (value: $53k/year) if they’re accepted and enroll. Can I claim that I gave my children $212k (each) for college? I don’t believe any reasonable person would say so. The college certainly could, but it would be overreaching for me to take any credit.
If the process is “easy” and requires “minimal effort” and qualifications then why the angst? It’s not like you, personally, wrote a $10,000 check. It would be nice if they thanked you for the tip, but if you’re keeping a mental tally of how much you help your relatives – and your posts make it seem like you are – then I think the problem is your attitude (which is evident in your unkind comment about their car and the names you so freely sling about when referring to them). It doesn’t sound like you want them to say thank you; it sounds like you want them to acknowledge how very much you’ve done for them. Those are two entirely different things.
The person that’s owed a thank you is your employer. If you were upset that your family didn’t thank your company there was nothing to prevent you from doing it. What do you gain by selfishly withholding crucial financial information from a family member who, by your own admission, will find it a struggle to come up with the money? The difference of $30,000 may be the difference between residential college and the local commuter school or a community college. Are you going to congratulate yourself if she has to drop out of school? Why anyone would take pleasure in creating hardship for their own family is beyond me.
Your course of action likely disadvantages others, austnmshari. There must not be limitless scholarships. Money received by this woman is denied to other applicants. Why should mere nepotism be the deciding factor for OP in deciding who to support for future scholarships? They may share some DNA, so that trumps all other factors? Why? There are likely many worthy recipients (Carolina storm victims?). Why on earth are those less worthy causes than this woman, who already got a sizeable donation? I find the “I will take care of me and mine” attitude really selfish.
Some of you are UNBELIEVABLE!
Who’s to say others are more deserving? Nobody knows that. The scholarship requires it be distributed to friends/family of employees. As for the other kids sending a thank you to the company, my suspicion (having kids and many friends who received scholarships) is that the adult employee asked/guided/directed their relative/recipient to send a “thank you” to the company. Perhaps the OP is the only employee who neglected to do this. Perhaps the OP is more like their family than he/she cares to admit.
The OP speaks as if this was some sort of personal affront to him/her – it wasn’t.
Tell the niece about the scholarship renewal.
“Secrets have a cost”
*“If you could do good things for other people, you had a moral obligation to do those things. That’s what’s at stake here. Not choice. Responsibility.” *
The Amazing Spider-Man 2012
(it happened to be on TV today!)
My parents always said that the only thanks they want is for us to do the same for our own children. Perhaps the lesson the niece will take away from your kindness, OP, is to do the same for her own children, nieces, or nephews.
I understand where you are coming from @teahour. No likes to be taken for granted and I suspect that is how you feel. You sponsored your niece for a program that she would not have qualified for but for your family’s employment status with the company. You walked her through the process which resulted in a generous scholarship. Then the family waltzed away not thanking you or the scholarship committee. If it were me I would be hurt that I didn’t receive a short text or email sharing the good news. But I would be angry about the lack of an acknowledgement to the scholarship committee as that could reflect poorly on you and your husband. It’s a stunning misstep that is also very shortsighted.
It’s dangerous not to have expectations of people especially when those expectations amount to basic common courtesy. I am a big fan of the expression “we teach other people how to treat us.” If you have no expectations some people will not extend courtesies to you simply because they know they don’t have to. You don’t expect it and will give them a pass.
Having said all that I think the mistake you might have made is not communicating with your relatives. It doesn’t serve anyone well to sit on this simmering resentment. I agree with @ahl that the most important factor is to somehow communicate to your niece what is appropriate in this situation. You don’t want her to make the same mistake with a client or a boss who recommends her for a promotion or bonus. Expressing appreciation when people extend themselves for you is expected in the corporate world. Take the high road and keep the focus on assisting your niece.
An argument can be made the girl’s family needs some skin in the game. Maybe they’d appreciate OP’s gesture in retrospect when they have to write that big check instead of it coming from OP and her colleagues. And you’re being a bit dramatic - OP never said her enrollment was in jeopardy. Sounds like worst-case they’d have take some modest Stafford Loans and pron drive an older car instead of new leased wheels.
I have been reading this for a few days and like another person a ways up, it was a topic of conversation at the dinner table here as well.
Gratitude and appreciation are two things I value highly and it sounds like the OP does, as well. When someone does something nice for me, it really makes me grateful because there is so much “ever man for himself” in our society these days. Call me old fashioned, but if someone helps you out, at the least they are owed a phone call or an email saying thank you SO much! I really appreciated your help! It isn’t just about the monetary award: the OP recommended them and walked them through the process. Whether they were a recipient of the award or not, acknowledging that the OP helped is important - even if it is “only” family.
My biggest concern were it me, however, would be whether they sent a thank you to the company. If not, would that reflect negatively on the OP? I would at the least suggest that the niece send a thank you note to the scholarship committee. You could say, “I’m glad it all worked out and you received the award. Since I vouched for you, I would appreciate you sending the committee a thank you note as it would reflect poorly on me if you did not.”
I just wanted to follow up on HarvestMoon’s post. Arranging the scholarship for your niece was truly generous. Teaching her business expectations with regard to shows of appreciation could be priceless. I can’t imagine you will ever regret doing so, even if you decide not to give the family any additional help.
I too, would suggest talking to the niece or her parents about a note to the committee. Perhaps it could be approached that you heard they had not yet received her thank you letter, and you understand it might have slipped their minds in the whole process of getting ready for school. Perhaps they will take the hint, and not just write a note, but also thank you verbally at least.
This is an opportunity to teach the niece about protocol - thanking people who help you, particularly when it’s in the form of a large check.
The lack of a letter to the committee reflects on the OP - so no, I would not mention anything about renewal if they don’t act on your suggestion to send a thank you note. The OP also noted that this is the oldest child, so there might be other children in the family who would benefit from this same scholarship later - as much as they could use the help, if they are informed of the need to send a thank you letter, at least to the committee, and it doesn’t happen, I would not offer to sponsor another child - it’s ok to make a mistake out of ignorance, but once they are informed, the mistake should be corrected.
Perhaps they already know about the renewal conditions - the OP said they went out and spent the money they would have otherwise spent on a new leased vehicle. That suggests to me that either they expect the $10,000 each year, or they can afford it the following years with a few sacrifices. The OP walked them through the process the first time, it is their responsibility to follow through from here.
On another note, if they’re not particularly good with money, you might remind them that this scholarship is considered taxable income for their daughter if it was used toward room & board or other “non-qualified” expenses. You don’t want them getting into trouble with the IRS.
I didn’t set the rules for the scholarship, OP’s employer did. And the rule is the recipient has to be related to an employee. I suppose OP could recommend the child of another employee, but she’ll no doubt be asked why she’s not recommending her own niece. If she tells them the truth she’s going to appear small minded and petty. I don’t think those are attributes employers look for when handing out promotions.
I have to think that sometime in the last 18 years OP and her spouse have had the occasion to have given something to the children in this family, so they should know if they’re in the habit of sending thank you notes or not. If they’ve always received notes then this is an oversight. If they haven’t then it was an easily foreseeable situation, and it’s one OP could have headed off at the outset. She can stew for the next 4 years, if it suits her, but she gains nothing and she doesn’t do a whole lot for her niece either. Or she can have an adult conversation with her and tell her how she’d like to be treated – something she should have done months ago – and explain the joy and benefits of writing a thank you letter. She could continue to hope that the young woman reads her mind, but picking up the telephone would be more effective.
From the post’s opening line, the scholarship is for friends or family of employees. Presumably, the employee gets to choose who to support. The employee may very well know a needy friend who could benefit enormously from this. Her choice who to support. And no, I don’t think anyone in the company is going to care who OP supports-Why would they? Who is to say supporting a kid from foster care, or a kid who couldn’t even afford community college, is a less worthy cause?
Unless employees are required to nominate someone, which seems unlikely, maybe the OP just shouldn’t nominate anyone in the future. It seems to have caused a fair amount of bitterness, so is it really worth it?
Since you walked her through the process, walk her through the process of a thank you note.
“Niece, I am so happy that you got the scholarship and will be attending Wattsamatta U this fall. I wanted to let you know that it is customary to send a thank you letter to the company for the scholarship (and quite frankly to your Aunt and Uncle who helped you learn about it.) Contact me soon as I would like to talk to you about how to renew the scholarship for next year.”
This reminds me of my own experience. A while ago I helped a young relative with editing his essays for admission to one of the HYPSM. I spent quite a bit of time on it - he was an international student and his English wasn’t great. He probably thanked me at the time, but I kind of expected a nice thank you gesture or at least email after he was actually admitted and was disgruntled when it didn’t come.
Fast forward ten years, he’s now an alumnus and doing interviews for the institution, and he specifically mentioned my contribution to his success when he offered his help with essays and mock interview to my son who is applying to the same school. I’m satisfied now 
So ten years after you helped the ungrateful brat, it turned out he was grateful all along. Maybe there’s a lesson in there somewhere, for those willing to see it.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
The OP seems to have left the discussion, and really, there is little left to say that has not been said. Closing thread.