<p>You guys make BS sound like that tv sitcom from the 80’s with the girls all living under the warm and loving wing of the matronly dorm mother. Sorry, I forget the name of the show.</p>
<p>Not my experience, or that of most people I know who went to top BS’s ( who are many). Maybe I make it sound cold, I don’t mean that either. To a degree you are right - of course they care. Of course there are many wonderful teachers, etc. But I don’t think the majority are surrogate parents at all, and that includes dorm parents, who are just as apt to be pain as a help. Don’t over romanticize it ! </p>
<p>I agree with Sadie to an extent. Yes, teachers are well meaning and dedicated. They are also very busy. Teaching, coaching, advising, dorm duty, raising their own families. They will deal with obvious problems that come to their attention but there won’t be hand holding.</p>
<p>That being said, I am sure there are few people that do not fully adjust to the community. I know I will be homesick the first month or so (though I will be having too much fun to even think about it!), but I know all of us are there because we are top notch students. </p>
<p>That all being said I would have to agree with creative1, hand holding doesn’t really prep you for college, which does not really uphold the premise of “college prep school”.</p>
<p>On the other hand, schools like Exeter will have counselors and perhaps meeting with one for a very shy child might be beneficial to talk about strategies, etc. for overcoming shyness.</p>
<p>What I am looking for is that someone would notice if he wasn’t participating in the sports, clubs and / or social life and give him a push. He sometimes needs help starting but then once in the activity he does well- esp with other good kids. Of course, I plan to keep tabs on things via phone conversations with him and encouraging him to join things. </p>
<p>Is what I am hoping the teachers/dorm parents will do considered hand holding? I guess I find “hand holding” kind of an offensive term…</p>
<p>I think, in that matter, his peers will help him more than his supervisors. I know I plan to be outgoing in talking with people (shy people and talkative ones alike) and making friends. Even more so the upperclassmen will, I am sure, be a huge positive influence.</p>
<p>I am speaking from first hand experience as I attended boarding school. I’m not saying all teachers are all caring but they have a much larger responsibility then their day school counterparts. For the most part they take that responsibility seriously.</p>
<p>No offense intended with the word choice, PA-C. </p>
<p>In my experience, teachers and dorm parents won’t be encouraging your child to join clubs, etc. unless your son is lucky enough to get an especially nurturing one. Some kids join lots of clubs and some join a few, and some don’t join. All are within the realm of normal and I can’t envision a dorm parent gently pushing your child to be more outgoing if they are more introverted by nature.</p>
<p>But, as a parent, it is definitely within your reach to do so. Via phone or otherwise. Perhaps it would be good to set parameters for your son. After all, we as parents make sacrifices in many ways to send our children to BS and we expect them to capitalize on the opportunities provided. I expect my child to become involved with clubs, etc. I am not dictating which ones but hanging out on the dorm room isn’t an acceptable option, either. Fortunately, that hasn’t been an issue but it was also discussed as an expectation of attendance at the school.</p>
<p>At my child’s school, each student has an advisor that is responsible for watching over them. I communicate with my child’s advisor relatively frequently. She definitely has a good feel for my child and how she is adjusting to school life. I agree with creative1 that the advisor would not be there to push the student, but can give you the feedback you are looking for.</p>
<p>Creative1: Good point about parameters. We have always had parameters with our kids that they must play one sport and they cannot do more than three ECs at one time. </p>
<p>When son is making his school choice, I will make it clear to him that we expect him to continue with at least one or two ECs that interest him and not to play video games with all his free time!</p>
<p>Morris2: Thanks for the tip about the advisor. I wonder if they take into account the child’s personality when assigning the advisor. We did not hide the shyness in the least, during the interview son mentioned it as his weakness. So they knew what they were getting into when the accepted him- hopefully this means they think he could succeed there. I keep telling myself to trust that…</p>
<p>We may actually be turning down Exeter on 4/10 depending on how the revisits go. Maybe he will apply again in a year or two although there is no guarantee of admission in the future so that is a hard choice.</p>
<p>PA-C - I would trust the Exeter admissions officers especially since he and you were upfront about his shyness. Considering the thousands of kids they see each and every year, I’m sure they have a good grasp on who would do well and who wouldn’t. At least that is what I told myself when I had my own concerns prior to my child starting BS! ;)</p>
<p>Also, tell your son that this is a new beginning. No one will know him as the shy kid. As tough as it might be, if he is friendly and says “hi” to everyone and greets everyone at the beginning of school it will go a loonngg way. He will be really surprised by what he gets back in return and that might just be the positive reinforcement he needs.</p>
<p>If you are contemplating re-applying to give him “time to mature” – be very careful. In a school such as Andover/Exeter, the 9th grade is set up for the student to mature, try different things, and be able to fail at some of them, by their programs and living arrangements. When they start in 10th, its hit the ground running and no mistakes allowed. Also a lot of them have formed into groups by then. This applies specifically to those 2 schools. In terms of advisors – the system is not perfect, and some luck out in their assigned advisor, some dont. You should make yourself/your concerns known to them early, so they can be on board to help – just do it while avoiding looking like the usual helicopter parent (which, clearly, you are not)</p>
<p>Well, Sadie2, everyone’s experience and opinion is unique. You sound a little dismissive of my perspective, but it IS my perspective and just as valid as yours. </p>
<p>My only purpose for posting my comment was that we have seen a very different side of boarding school than you described, and I believe that the parents and kids on this board need to hear that perspective as well as yours. </p>
<p>We have found a very nurturing, wonderful environment for our child at a school where teachers and staff DO notice what’s going on with the students. Not every little thing of course, because teachers/staff, etc., ARE busy. </p>
<p>But, this discussion illuminates that not every school has the same environment. And not every environment is right for every child, naturally. We purposely were looking for a place where our child would be well taken care of, as well as well-educated. Of course, most parents want this, but different schools provide this in different measures and ways.</p>
<p>There is no cookie-cutter answer to many of these questions because the answers depend entirely on the school. I don’t have experience with Exeter because my child doesn’t go there, so I can’t and won’t comment on that school. But, I CAN comment on the environment at my child’s school. And it IS a place where a miserable student would be noticed. I hope that all of your children are happy at whatever school they attend.</p>
<p>Edwards, all opinions are valid as far as Im concerned. You are talking about your wonderful experience concerning the nurturing environment at your kids BS, and that is great. I am just pointing out that your experience is not the only one. Do not assume that just because it is a great school ( and yes, these are all great schools discussed on this forum ) that you have no worries.
Boarding school can be cruel too. Such is life. My own experience and most people that I know would not trade it for anything. But please dont think that because you are spending all this money the BS is going to pamper your kid. Of course there are exceptions, and the school Edwards is speaking of may excell in this, or it may just be luck.
Furthermore, my original post on this thread was in response to your post, not the other way around.</p>
<p>guess i have tp add a few cents too
At my d’s school, she had an advisor whom I talk to almost weekly - from problems that I see, that she sees and that my d sees. She has also gotten d to try different sports such as lacrosse that she never would have.
One teacher take the dozen catholics out to church every sunday and they stop and have lunch.
But, it is a much smaller school than exeter and we picked it because of above.</p>