<p>I have read and heard from several who may not end up going to BS because of the financial burden due the family.</p>
<p>My D and I discussed this and I decided that her education was my most important priority. We have given up summer vacation and a new car. We also got a home equity loan to pay the tuition and are taking it off our taxes which lessens the burden.</p>
<p>Parents,
You need to think about whether sending your child to a BS will provide him/her with a better education than the local public school. For one of our children, the public school actually came first, but for the other, it was no contest with BS being far in front. If your child can get the most from any school and is extremely self motivated, then the extra cost of a BS may not be worth it (eg, our local public HS has = # Harvard, Stanford, Yale admits as Exeter, Andover or any other --- but large class size, etc). If your child would do better in a smaller more demanding area, then BS. </p>
<p>I think you should make that decision first, then if BS makes sense, it cannot be "a burden" but a necessity.</p>
<p>My child is going to Exeter next year. We are very fortunate that we are a full pay family and it isn’t an issue for us. However…I would never take out a equity line on my home to pay for secondary school…especially in this economy. We live in a very good public school district and our child does go to a very good private school in town. What a lot a families do after finishing up with the primary school that my child goes to (if they don’t live in our town) is if they can’t afford independent high school is they choose to move to our town. To me that is a better idea…still get the deduction on taxes with the interest on your mortagage and a much better guarantee that the value of your home will go up.</p>
<p>As I said, you need to take each child separately.
We have one child who will excell where ever she goes, so boarding school was not an issue. We have one child who needs the extra push and smaller classes to excel so boarding school is the best option for her.</p>
<p>We moved from one of the suburbs that protective Mom talks about when the kids were little. One of best schools in US, but 95% white, 95% lawyer, Doc, CEO kids to a place where the school is still listed in US News, but diverse. D’s BS is even more diverse.</p>
<p>Education at the teen level is probably much more important for a child than college or graduate school. It is where they really learn to learn and get the basics.</p>
<p>Princess’Dad, I really admire you for your support of your children and your commitment to education. Obviously it is hard to generalize about whether borrowing for pre-college makes sense for every family.</p>
<p>I don’t think I would borrow the full amount, but we do borrow a little bit. And of course the tuition for the 3 kids is at the expense of college savings. We try to do what makes the most sense now, but until I see how college finances pan out, it’s hard to argue one way or another.</p>
<p>P Dad, you are so right! Great post. We have had experience with our kids with very good public schools, parochial, and now BS and there is absolutely no comparison. It was a great sacrifice and we did many things to make it financially possible, but it was in fact the greatest gift we will ever give our child. It wasn’t the right choice for our other child so we only sent one to BS, but until you actually have your child in that environment, you have no clue as to the difference and I don’t think some of the parents facing this financial choice really understand that. It was worth every cent. She will graduate in May and could not be more ready for college.</p>
<p>Hi all, I haven’t posted much in the prep school forum in a while, but last year I was in the thick of it. I went through this exact internal debate - decent local public school vs exceptional boarding school for younger of my two children. We decided to allow her to attend BS, and made the financial sacrifices to it could happen. It has been the right decision, for her and for us, and we are not looking back (much, when my 401k statements come in…!).</p>
<p>Meanwhile, we had already elected NOT to take older child out of the public high school. This child is really self-motivated and the formal schooling was almost irrelevant to his education. Assuming that acceptances to college are the benchmark of whether it was the correct decision - a dubious assumption, perhaps - it was the right decision. The college acceptances are just now coming in and he is 4 for 4 at the extremely selective schools to which he applied, though more will come 4/1.</p>
<p>My point is to support the notion that each child is different and has different needs, and a decision you make for one child may not necessitate the same decision for the next.</p>
<p>laxtaxi, thank you for sharing. Can you expand on why it was good for your younger child? What qualities etc made you decide BS was the right choice for that child?</p>
<p>laxtaxi, thanks for that post. by differentiating between your 2 kids and their educational needs you shed light on my own daughter’s needs. She’s an only and not one to seek out challenges. I just got her report card and the lowest grade was 97, but she is not putting out much effort, is not engaged, is not creating a challenge for herself. She’s smart, but the kids that can do well in public school are the ones that know how to go beyond and keep themselves challenged. That’s why I really hope she gets off the waitlist and in to the one private school she applied to.</p>
<p>YML and cdn: I can answer both your questions. YML, your exceptional student who doesn’t have to work for her 97s can get challenged at BS. But it is not a panacea. They still have to want to work. Several of my D’s BS friends are very bright but are not choosing to work hard and take advantage of the opportunity. Thus they are receiving lousy grades there and, to my way of thinking, are wasting the incredible opportunity BS provides. If it were my D squandering the BS opportunities we would have a dscussion and I may likely choose to reserve the financial assets until later in her life when she is more focused. We have in fact had that precise discussion - I don’t expect straight a’s and an ivy admission for her, but I do expect her to be fully engaged and invested in her education. My older stayed in public school and took his fulfillment elsewhere, through passionate pursuit of his interests. It was much more authentic then just loading up on school-based extracurriculars in which he had no interest but seemed necessary for college admission.</p>
<p>CDN, BS was younger D’s idea. We were against it initially. She won us over. We made her do everything - research, sign up for tests, interviews, write essays, apply, etc - to measure her commitment. She completed everything herself so we allowed her to go. We allowed it because she articulated great reasons - her older sibling (see above) had scorched his way through the HS a bit, doing things his own way rather than doing whatever the school was used to. She was sick of being known as the younger sibling. The high school had lost much of its luster and intrigue for her. She also recognized that her friends, while intelligent and fun, were not interested in challenging themselves and did not have a vision that included a future outside our state. She realized that having a community of contemporaries who are collectively more ambitious than her high school circle would motivate her to reach higher. While her older sibling had his own agenda and the internal will to achieve it, she recognized that she is affected by her social group and wanted one that had ambitions consistent with her own. She did a very good job articulating this to us, which is why we relented and said yes to BS. We have since found that she was right, and it was a good choice - for her and for our family.</p>
<p>BTW, since I posted last night, older sibling received another acceptance by email - now 5 for 5. He is going to have some wonderful options in his next level of education.</p>
<p>lax
G…, you sound just like us.<br>
Older daughter self motivator, very involved in high school dance team and has no wish to be away from home. She is in large classes, but goes early and stays after to talk with teachers for what she does not understand.</p>
<p>Middle d came to us and wanted to go to BS. She is last minute homework doer and floats through classes. Likes to play and have fun with friends. Went to BS and has whole array of new international friends. Small classes where she has to participate has been amazing. To read her evaluations of her coming out of her shell over the past year has been amazing. She picked schools with great dance programs – but has ended up dancing only one quarter and played soccer and lacrosse (a new sport for her) the other two.</p>
<p>Each child is different and it is our job to read that differance and help them to succeed. Sacrifices yes - but they are important. Missing your Princess is even harder.</p>
<p>So if you had a shy child would bs bring them out of their shell or would it be too much to handle? Our son needs the academic rigor of Exeter but is quite shy.</p>
<p>PA-C, I think that’s the beauty of a big school like Exeter: diversity. He won’t be alone, and the teachers and advisors must have plentiful experience working with kids like him. And as far as I know, you don’t live so far away from the school, so you can visit him more often and help him break in. I think he’ll do fine.</p>
<p>Let me rephrase: He needs academic rigor.
His only bs acceptance is Exeter
His only other acceptance is a local day school which (from what we have seen so far) may not offer the level of advancement he needs.</p>
<p>A smaller or all boys school may be an option but we only applied to three schools-
Exeter- accepted, Andover- rejected and Middlesex- waitlisted.</p>
<p>We were especially surprised by Middlesex since we thought it would be a great fit for him and the interview went very well.</p>
<p>I respectfully disagree with Watertesters statement about teachers and advisors having plentiful experience to “work” with kids who are shy …yeah sure, but they are not babysitters, not in the least ! None of these schools are. They are not there for that, they are there to teach. If a kid is miserable with no friends, no one is going to wave a magic wand, or probably even notice.</p>
<p>That said, just because a kid is shy does not mean he will be miserable.</p>
<p>I think your son will be fine and you’re worrying to much. They must have accepted him for a reason. He probably will fit in just fine, his dorm placement will probably be with kid just like him. Which would give a nice friend base to start off with.</p>
<p>Teachers at boarding schools are far more that just teachers. One of the nice aspects of boarding schools is the sense of community created by the students, teachers and administrators all living amongst each other. You are correct that boarding schools teachers are not babysitters, they are far more important, they are surrogate parents that we have entrusted our children to. If a boarding school teacher is “only teaching” they are not doing their job.</p>
<p>You are very correct, Morris2. In fact, one of the many factors that sets boarding schools apart from public school is the true commitment of most faculty/staff/administration to to needs of the students, and not just academic needs. I’m sure that each school hand-holds to a greater/lesser degree than others, but our experience is that loads of adults at a good bs will notice if a child is miserable. </p>
<p>That being said, as a parent, it’s important to remember to communicate with dorm/houseparents, advisors, etc., if you know of a problem that your child is having. Most good boarding schools DO pay attention to the social/emotional lives of their students.</p>