<p>Xiggi, for many kids and parents the motivation to establish contact with the roommate has less to do with future friendships and more to do with current practicalities. Are you planning to bring a fridge? Microwave? How about if I get one and you get the other? What about a TV? Shower curtain? </p>
<p>These decisions need to be made with some collaboration, and not everybody wants to wait until the major chaos of move-in weekend to do their planning and shopping.
I don’t advocate hounding a non-responsive roommate, but reaching out to establish contact is not “creepy.”</p>
<p>One more it happened to us story. My S’s freshmen roommate never responded - they ended up living together for two years and are great friends. My D had a long IM’ing relationship with her freshman year roommate - turned out to be a year from hell.<br>
If money isn’t an issue, he may just bring everything himself (Microwave, fridge, TV). That’s not unusual these days.</p>
<p>This happened to friend of mine’s son who went to Penn St. Finally got a hold of the kid & he tells them he was going to U of Maryland not Penn t.</p>
<p>When I received my roommate’s name and address (way back in the early 80’s), it was printed as Last First Middle with no commas. Her middle name was a family name so it looked like it really could be a last name. I called her house, asked for the wrong name, and after some confusion, was told that she had gone away for the weekend to the beach with some friends. She never got the message and I agonized over whether to call again.</p>
<p>She was a good roommate but missed the boyfriend she had left behind and transferred after freshman year. They’re still married and we still exchange Christmas cards.</p>
<p>First of all, I rarely criticize the actions of parents as I understand how difficult the transition from high school to college might be for the parents who have made most if not all decisions for their children. This can be especially problematic if this is the first born who is leaving. </p>
<p>I’d like to point out that my “creepy” comment was not directed at making contacts, but at the mentions of “googling” someone using the information shared by the school. I maintain that this is something that few students would consider necessary. </p>
<p>I also maintain that, despite the claims that discussions HAVE to take place about the fridge or microwave, it is NOT critical to debate them BEFORE the move-in, and this for the simplest of reasons: if YOU do not know about what to do, chances are that your roommate won’t either. Also, please be realistic about the importance (and cost) of such items! What are we really talking about here? Two hundred dollars? A bit more? Speaking about reality, have you ever thought about simply giving the student the cash that parents plan to spend on traveling to the college to engage in the ritual of “dropping” the kids? I know for a fact that getting four or five crisp one hundred dollar bills would have made the discussions about who is getting the fridge, the microwave, and the area rug ENTIRELY moot! After all, how hard can it be to take a cab to the next Walmart or Ikea to pick up a 100 dollar mini-fridge and a 50 dollars microwave? Not to mention simply asking if someone who is DOING the same thing you do to let you tag around, or pay them to bring yours! </p>
<p>Please do not get me wrong … I liked the fact that my parents found it worth their time to escort me to my next home. I enjoyed the fact that they could meet the parents of my roommate. I enjoyed the last days with my family, but there were NO reasons for them to be there to “negotiate” the few trivial items that represent the co-ownership in a 12 by 15 area! </p>
<p>Having gone to close to 10 move-ins between my sister and me, I can assure you that the schools that DO not share the preliminary information are the wise ones. People show up and ALL of them are in the same boat. Deciding about the few common items requires no more than a few minutes! Obviously, getting the personal items such as the long sheets, the egg crates, the hangers, the lamps, the beauty supplies … that is another issue!</p>
<p>In the end, while I understand the emotions that parents go through during those weeks, I also think that they tend to make things more complicated than they ought to be. By the way, if you see a few parents that are rather calm and composed and are NOT arguing, chances are that they are … veterans. They know the LEAST they do and the LESS control they try to keep, the better off they will be and the more pleasant their last days with the little genius will be.</p>
<p>Well, what about if students have been assigned to share an apartment and someone must contact the utility companies in advance of arrival. This is the case with my S who is a transfer student; yet, with one week left before move-in, none of his 5 apartment mates have contacted him. He tried e-mailing his roommate and looking for his FB, to no avail. I don’t feel particularly comfortable with us being the ones taking the financial responsibility for the utilities. We live all the way on the other coast and I can forsee possible troubles collecting monthly utility contributions from 5 others. So now what??</p>
<p>My D and her roomie found and liked each other on the college fb page well before they found out they were roommates. They spent the summer excitedly getting to know each other, coordinating room supplies, etc. LOVED each other online. D was convinced she’d found her college soulmate.</p>
<p>In person, it didn’t work out that way. There were personality conflicts, schedule conflicts, other-friend conflicts, use-of-the-room conflicts. It got so bad that they separated at mid-year. </p>
<p>So, OP, pre-college “meetings” may or may not be any predictor of how it will work out in person. I wouldn’t worry.</p>
<p>Update–
Guy is nice but he embodies many of the stereotypes about engineering geeks being anti-social.
Makes little eye contact
Goes into a panic mode when women enter the room
Keeps the dorm door closed when my S isn’t around and basically goes to class and plays video games in the room by himself most of the time
Sad –</p>
<p>The kid is very quiet, respectful, bright and keeps his side of the room very clean…no drugs, no alcohol and no over-night guests expected of the opposite or even same sex…so ideal roommate I suppose if you want privacy and a nice kid on the other side of the room.
He doesn’t do much talking to my S and S says he’s tried to break the ice…kid just isn’t very social.
And no-- they are not yet FB friends…nor is the kid anyone’s FB friend from the school</p>
<p>It can be disappointing not to be a perfect random match but roommies don’t need to be best friends. If they can manage to be respectful of each other that’s adequate and better than the situation many find themselves in. This year your S will likely have met others he might be more interested in being a roomie with next year. </p>
<p>After living with your S for a few weeks this guy might get drawn out of his shell a bit into the real world and away a bit from his virtual world. Your S can try to include him in some things but if the roomie insists on being by himself at least he’ll hopefully continue to be respectful and quiet.</p>