I originally ranked MIT through QB NCM and was not matched. Following the match, I was given a decision of being deferred EA. Of course, I had already sent in all of my financial aid documents for the match, and today I was told that my non-custodial parent waiver was denied. I have two questions about this really:
I don't have contact with my parent - I have no information to contact him besides email, and he won't reply to that. What would happen in the case he would be unable to fill out the CSS for me? I know that legally after my parents got a divorce, he is required to pay X dollars to each one of my sibling's colleges, however, my brother after asking for his money required, my father said the only way he would get it if he had dinner with him. My brother declined and said he would raise the money on his own - my mother was unable to do anything to get the money legally, she couldn't afford the legal fees of lawyers and court. Does anyone have advice in this situation?
(I know this is doubtful) Does the processing of my waiver have anything to do with my RD decision being made? Or is it just processed this early due to me applying through QB NCM and EA?
The financial aid office doesn’t have anything to do with the admissions office, so the processing of your waiver doesn’t mean anything about your application – no admissions decisions have been made yet, anyway.
The non-custodial parent thing is really tough, and every year we see applicants on CC who have similar issues. I hope you manage to get in contact with your father, and that he agrees to pay what he’s legally required to pay.
I personally would go to dinner for the kind of money you are probably talking about here. One of my kids visits her dad a couple of times a year for a few days even though she would rather not, partly because he is paying some of her college expenses. I don’t tell her she has to, but she knows it is a lighter burden on me if she does.
Did your dad pay child support? If he did, the colleges figure that someone has to know how to get in touch with him. They won’t give a waiver just because a parent doesn’t want to fill out the form.
@intparent in the situation, I would not be able to bring myself to go to dinner. I wouldn’t feel safe.
He does pay child support, and I am sure that there is some way to contact him, but in the case he simply does not fill out the CSS, would I be denied FA?
Yes, you very likely will not get FA if he has been paying child support and he refuses to fill out the CSS. Do you seriously think your bio dad would try to hurt or kidnap you if you went to dinner in a public place with him? I kind of doubt this…
@intparent i hear what you’re saying but you might not realize what it’s like to have a scary parent…my BF has a dad like this…and, no, she would not go to dinner with him…she’s devastated every time she sees him…no money is worth it.
Tell your mom who will pay the bill instead… my ex can be kind of scary, but my kids suck it up and deal with him (carefully). Obviously if he is felon, there is a restraining order, past abuse of kids that has been reported to the police, etc., then it is probably reasonable to stay away. But odds are that your other parent will end up with a bigger financial burden if you are just feeling manipulated or mad at the parent you don’t want to see. Be sure you are looking at the bigger picture before making that decision.
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds here, but IMO, try to meet with him in some way. It might not need to be over dinner, perhaps something over Skype or a phone call or whatever. I am totally unaware of your family situation, so please take this in stride, but it seems to me that he isn’t being completely unreasonable here (not yet at least). It sounds like he genuinely wants to meet and talk with you. Eight years is a long time, and people can change.
Again, I apolgize if I have overstepped myself here, I obviously might not understand the entire situation.
Wishing you the best with this!
So I assume you didn’t need his info during the Questbridge process, is that correct? I would call the Financial Aid office and ask what your options are under these circumstances if he is not replying to email.
@suzy100 No, the QB process only required my mom’s information. I supplied a Non-Custodial Parent waiver through my QB application to MIT - but obviously, it was denied, so I guess I will have to try to get him to do the CSS
@oldmom4896 I applied to schools which didn’t require the CSS or ones which didn’t require non-custodial parent information like UChicago. I’ve covered my bases in safeties and matches - thanks for the response!
@Roudit I sent it in a little before November 1st for the College Match. I got an email on January 21st about it, so it was quite a while before I heard back
I would never suggest anyone meet with their noncustodial parent when I don’t know the circumstances. I assume that someone who says there are compelling reasons they don’t feel comfortable having dinner with the custodial parent probably has good reason for feeling that way. I don’t think the solution is to orient your college selection around schools that don’t require the waiver either. So, seems like problem solving is in order. Here are the approaches I’ve thought about-maybe others can add to it. If you mom can’t contact your biological father, are there any relatives on either side of the family who could help with the contact. It may not be the most comfortable thing-having to tell others about the situation but it may be worth it if it successfully gets your dad to fill out the forms. Another avenue is to see if your mother can have a lawyer intervene. If she has one that she used for the divorce, maybe getting him/her to intervene might work. Alternatively, you can contact legal aid if your mom does not make over 30K (and maybe even if she does-but I don’t know how they deal with minors). You may be able to force your dad to complete the forms by taking legal action-filing a suit against him -maybe the threat of that will get him to do what he has an obligation to do. Good luck and don’t give up!
@lostaccount Thank you for the advice - I have been able to contact him to fill out the form. He sent a very mean (I’ll use that as a euphemism!) response back to me. I’m just going to ignore it and hope that he actually fills it out!
