Boarding school admission will probably be your child’s first exposure to the reality of a third party’s rejection or wait list. It’s too easy to forget how heavily a 13 year-old kid will cue off a parent’s attitude toward specific schools and the admission’s process. The last thing a parent wants at the end of an admission’s cycle is a kid who considers him or herself a failure or disappointment in their eyes. Now is the time to set a healthy reality for your child that will pay big dividends later. I advocate the following messaging:
Win, lose, or draw, we’re proud of you for getting in the ring. Keep that attitude up and you’ll be incredibly successful in life.
If you are admitted to a boarding school, fantastic. If not, you’re still going to have a great year. We’re going to be happy either way.
We like all the schools to which you applied and can see you being super-successful and happy at any of them. We don’t really have a strong preference.
Throughout your life, you will deal with plenty of acceptances and rejections, whether boarding school, college, a job etc. Never let yourself get too depressed or excited about any one moment.
Part of being a great human being is showing grace and modesty regardless of an outcome. Be the first to congratulate others and the last to talk about yourself.
This may be the wrong bunch for that advice. I’ll bet half the parents get more amped than their kids. Every year, as @SevenDad has pointed out, there seems to be an awful lot of long faces and/or silence from the people who were talking a lot before decisions were mailed. And then there are tons of people struggling with “wait list” responses. I heartily endorse your last point and hope it doesn’t fall on deaf ears.
I’m not sure what prompted @ThatcherParent to make his original post, but it is of course excellent advice for all.
I must admit that I am one of those people who was “talking a lot before decisions were mailed” and has been pretty much silent since. My child did get accepted at their first choice school, enrolled, and has been thriving! We couldn’t be happier with how it has all gone and are thrilled that everything worked out.
The reason I have been just lurking and not actively engaged over the last several months is that I just got so tired of this prep school forum being about relatively few schools. When we first started looking into boarding schools I found CC to be a great resource. But eventually it struck me as only a forum for those who wanted to talk about a very specific short list of what many consider to be the “best” schools. Just my opinion and I’m sure others feel differently.
I still read with interest postings about “Hidden Gems” because I think my child is at one. If you were to search the forum for this school you would find very little content. But it is a wonderful place, teaching the same independence and life lessons that just about all boarding schools do. I just wish that there were more opportunites on CC to talk about the lesser known schools because I feel as if kids might be overlooking some great places because they aren’t “name” schools.
Hope this doesn’t come across as an angry post - I’m not - just my opinion, which has been wrong before.
howdoIpayforthis: I share your sentiments and have for years now. I was once very active on the forum, but in addition to various life obligations occupying my time, I have grown extremely tired of wave after wave of “HOW DO I GET INTO EXOVERHOTCH HALL?” type questions that each prospective applicant class seem to bring.
At some point, you should contribute to or start a thread for the school where you son is…so that it at least enters the conversation for some people. Some people, of course, are of a “go big or stay home” mentality…even it it means ignoring schools that A) would be amazing experiences for the student and family and B ) are possibly better schools than their “stay home” options.
I am grateful but also really fascinated by all of you who are still here years later writing about your experience. I have several kids so I can imagine being around through this process more than once. But I can not imagine being involved with this board once my kids are placed. Maybe once in a while or if you got a PM or something but it seems like a lot of time that is being invested here. Please don’t leave but why do you stay??
it’s amazing what I still learn by sticking around. Remember, after acceptance to BS, there’s the drama of BS life and the journey through college admissions. You wouldn’t want to miss all that, would you?
Definitely gluttons for punishment-- but, actually, when my DS was applying, I really appreciated hearing from both parents and kids who had already been through the process with both good and not-so-good results. If the only people on this board were people going through it for the first time, you’d only get impressions, not experience. That’s not to say any of us have all the answers, by any means-- but we can at least relate our experiences. Sometimes a little dose of reality is a good thing.
Excellent post, @ThacherParent ! Very good advice, indeed.
As for why stay? It is, for me, a combination of: retaining relationships made here, learning more new things about prep school life (vs admissions), a sense of support from others in similar situations, and of the desire to give back to a community which helped me when my family search was under way.
I stay in because it’s my way of contributing to Thacher on an ongoing basis. I can’t write huge checks, but I can help nudge newcomers to take a look at a school that was genuinely transformational in our lives.
For me, my work (because yes, it can take a lot of work to read/contribute to the forum) on CC is first a way of paying forward the assistance and guidance that people like Winterset, ops, ThacherParent, and others provided me when we were going through the process the first time. From various PMs I’ve received over the years, I think I’ve been helpful to a few families…and indeed that is its own reward.
These days, some of us who were “newbs” four years ago have kids going through a different sort of admission cycle, and I stay on CC to keep in touch with them (mostly via PM) and commiserate/share joys and concerns.
These reasons and using the forum to introduce newcomers to SAS (and now Masters) are why I stay. Though my participation has definitely slowed now that we have both girls successfully enrolled at schools…
And let’s not forget all the wisdom from @ExieMITAlum. If you’re not familiar with that screen name, you would gain a world of wit and information by reading through her posts.
I am everlastingly grateful to those of you who stay around to shepherd us newer parents through the process and to those who preceded you (like Exie) whose posts taught me so much. When I started this adventure, I knew NOTHING. I wasn’t even entirely sure that Andover and Exeter were different schools.
I’m often unsure about what I’m doing here on CC. I’m a parent from a hidden gem that is so FAR from what trends here that I think it’s not healthy for me to be hanging around … but I keep gleaning great support from you parents about the realities I need to process my child boarding for high school. It really helps me, and not just the practical parts… it’s often an emotional placeholder to hang around here. I also have decided there are some students and parents here that just might discover the high school my daughter is THRIVING in if they are given the chance to find it here by my nudging.
I got to know CC after my son completed applications. Therefore, I didn’t get much help from CCers about/during the process of application and school search. Once my son got accepted by his first choice school, I got a lot of help from parents such as @Thacherparent and @mountainhiker. My visit to CC has recently slowed significantly but I am still reading posts and if there is any questions from potential candidate/parents of my son’s school, I gladly try to help them via PMs. Thanks, @Thacherparent for posting this. You have been a fantastic ambassador.
I am very grateful for the advice/help/support I have received. Especially from SevenDad. I have vowed to pay it back/forward to other newbies once I am a little more experienced (i.e. after M10). I know that I have benefited from the parents on this board and am very grateful.
I too, have found these boards incredibly helpful and supportive, especially when it comes to “Hidden Gems”. Both Cate and Thacher in particular, are incredible schools which have amazing missions, distinct from many of the usual suspects in the East Coast. But because they are far away (for us at least) and a bit off the beaten path, it can be a leap of faith to even consider them - particularly with so many BS options closer to home. Hearing from parents here made me so much more comfortable with the idea, and I’m truly grateful.
I love this thread. I lurk much more than post and have substantially benefited from my time here. I’m nervous for my daughter as M10 approaches. My heart hurt when my son was waitlisted everywhere his first year applying. My heart soared a year later when he went 3-0-1. I’m still not sure what my daughter will want to do even she is admitted everywhere next year. ThacherParent’s post gave me a nice nudge to get my mind in the right place so I can be there for her no matter what M10 brings.
