Nuances of Me: How to Express?

College Essays
1

<p>Hey CC,</p>

<p>So it is that time of the year for me to rudimentarily express my life, my whole entity by scribbling refined graphite upon a sanctified (holy?) tree that could have been the cure for cancer. No, I could not sing about my life or speak in whale to express the ulterior qualities about me. I have to write an essay.</p>

<p>(first topic)
Anyways, I am an Asian, and like other Asians, I have two loving parents that work 12hrs a day just to provide me an education. I, back in the days, was a so-called thug. Asian, drugs, alcohols, friends - mix all that up in a blender and you get SeaHwang. Well, after I worked for a summer at my parent’s store, I realized how foolish and immature I was. To make things short, I decided from the beginning of freshman year to try as hard as a human possibly can in high school. So far, I have done OK in school (resume is posted in College Search/Selection subforum). I am trying my hardest to do well and receive financial aid to thank my parents for the nonsense they had to go to, to repay my endless debt that I will never forget. I will serve in the Marines for financial support. Why? Part of it is because I want to pay back my parents (I can use the training to stay focused), and I want my parents to save enough money for my sister when she attends college. My sister hates for me to worry about her so I never really talked about the real reasons with anyone else except you guys.</p>

<p>(second topic)
I found a new passion in life as I straightened my life from the past. One legitimate thing I excel at doing is helping others, and I absolutely love doing it. I boost my friends’ test averages, I clean the house, and I help with groceries for random elders. These are nothing to boast about, but I wanted to show how much I love helping others. If it was not for the society’s norm to determine the success of most of everyone’s life on education, I would have taken the job that required me reading Dr. Seuss books to unfortunate kids. Hell, I would even enjoy hugging all the people that did not deserve a crappy life (lifetime tickets to Pro Bowls would be a nice incentive).</p>

<p>(third/fourth topic)
Instead of being serious, I wanted to express the funny side that my girlfriend drools about (jk). I play football and am an avid fan of the sport. In one game this season (Patriots v Bills, 56-7), I could have sworn the Patriots seemed to dance as they played the game. A mix of salsa, break dancing, and pleyays (ballet?) synchronized into one harmonic 60-minute piece. Or I could talk about how retarded my name is. I go by Alex and so my “technical” name is Sea A. Hwang. omg. </p>

<p>What do you guys think? and thank you so much for actually reading this long, horrendous post.</p>

2

<p>I like the 3rd or 4th topics better than your 1st topic. The 1st and 2nd topics are more stereotypical asian over-achiever-do-gooder. Of course, I'm biased as I don't like serious essays much. If you talked about your name, you could intertwine funny bits along with some of the stuff from topics 1, 2, and 3.</p>

3

<p>Hmm... I would be interested in hearing about your name or about dancing football players. I really think it's those little observations that reveal something intimate and fascinating about a person.</p>

4

<p>I agree..but your sure it doesn't end up being a list..show how these things reflect you...maybe tie them all in to a single view point (though that may end up seeming really contrived) .. I did something very very similar (random points/quirks about myself all connected to a main theme). But yeah, def the last idea.</p>

5

<p>I, also, found the topic about my name the most amusing and creative(?). I was thinking about making the essay have a "story-like" touch to it. Then I can incorporate my background, my approach to life, and my overall personality. What do you guys think? Thanks again CC.</p>

6

<p>All of these are good topics. If I were you, I would start writing all three of them (just the first few sentences) and then see which one feels the most sincere and is coming out the best.
Although I have to admit the third/fourth topic would be fun to read if it came out well.</p>

<p>PS- An essay witha "story-like" approach would probably be awesome.</p>

7

<p>You have definitely have potential for all your essay topics. The question now is which topic can you write about that portrays a clear image of you? Do you want to be depicted as hardworking (#1/2) or as creative/artsy (#3/4). Personally, I have a penchant for the creative essays but any of the four topics will work. Like the other poster mentioned, I would start by writing on all 4 topics and then see one which essay truly engages you and makes you want to write more. Good Luck!</p>

8

<p>Thanks skp21 and flickering for positive feedback on the topics above. Tp skp21, I, too, personally feel it's important to show my hardworking quality because it is what I value the most, seeing how I've grown up. But I've realized that those that read application essays deal with A LOT of essays about student's preserverance and workmanship - atleast the majority of Asian essays, anyways. </p>

<p>Thus, do you think there is a way to incorporate "all" facet's of myself without sounding too convoluted and retarded? Thanks for the support.</p>

9

<p>I think the opening or closing paragraph (or both) would be good for that.</p>

10

<p>There definitely could be potential in combining the dancing football players with the qualities of hardworking and perseverance. The dancing alone is a testament to the Patriot's diligence and work ethic that has resulted in their ability to systematically dominate the football field yet make it seem so easy...as if they were dancing. Not sure if thats what you were thinking of but hopefully you could write something similar and have it connect to you on a personal level.</p>

11

<p>The first two are a little trite. The third honestly sounds pretty sweet, but I can't see how that would really relate to you as a personal essay unless you dance while playing football yourself.</p>

<p>But Sea A. Hwang is pretty cool.</p>

12

<p>I think your English is imperfect, and you shouldn't try to express a sense of humor you don't really have. "Nuances of me", for starters, is awkward and incorrect, "my subtleties" or even "my nuances" would fit the bill much better. You should have an English teacher read your essay over before you submit your apps.</p>

<p>Your first and second topics are heavily cliched and lack appeal, particularly the second. Cleaning the house and helping with groceries, how does that make you a better college applicant? It doesn't! Cleaning the house is not a special experience, under anyone's standards. If you save all your money over the year to buy textbooks for an underprivileged village in China, then go over the summer as an English teacher every year, that's different. But you don't.</p>

<p>The third topic needs considerable development, especially since you weren't a player in that football game. How does it affect you as a person, how do the Patriots playing well make you a qualified college candidate? </p>

<p>Seriously, I know I've been a bit harsh, but think about what makes you a better candidate.</p>

<p>Hint: It's not cleaning your room.</p>

<p>I don't mean to say you aren't a qualified candidate for a good school, and I can't say forsure since I haven't read the full essay, but that's just the impression I get from this topic.</p>

13

<p>It's always nice to have constructive critism. I know that I am not the most brilliant English student in the world. I am a first-generation immigrant, and it shows in my school grades when it comes to English. I agree that the first two topics are rather very cliche, but writing about my background and where I come from make the essay more than just an essay. It becomes an emotional expression of who I am. It's rather stupid that colleges base the essay on how unique and original it is when they do not even know the first thing about seeing their parents work half a day. Cleaning the house and helping the groceries are not appealing and colleges have the full right to disregard my essay over someone who donates a million dollars. I still think that no matter how large and extravagant one's deed is, it is nothing if his or her purpose is deprived. One can donate a million dollars to look good for his resume. I'm cleaning the house because it's disrespectful to be on a computer all day while a 50 year old lady cleans the house. But I wholeheartedly understand where you are coming from. For the football game essay, I was not trying to express my qualities, but attempting be creative and somewhat humorous just to "impress" the colleges. Sorry for the long response.</p>

14

<p>The criticism wasn't entirely constructive!</p>

<p>Honestly, I didn't entirely like the first two topics, as mentioned, but the essays are still good. There are millions of topics that are more trite than those.</p>

<p>And your English isn't bad.</p>

<p>He (or she?) doesn't mean that the topics are horrible, but how much does it say about you? I like the football idea, but it's a personal essay. Just go with whatever reveals more about you. And while it's hard to understand why cleaning the house would stand out, you've said it's because it's disrespectful while elderly people do it.</p>

<p>That shows more. It's not a bad topic anymore.</p>

<p>You're not uninteresting.</p>

<p>I don't want to put you down, and there honestly isn't too much to do it about. Sorry, I don't want this to sound like a pity message, you honestly don't sound uncool.</p>

<p>Just freewrite on whatever topics you want and see what comes out.</p>