But it could also be seen as a courtesy to your guests who flew hundreds of miles to provide them with a couple of meals - wedding, rehearsal, after breakfast, goodie bag at a hotel - whatever, it doesn’t have to be fancy - for the pleasure of having them celebrate with you.
I would sure hope that no one is coming from far away for the meals OVER the ceremony but I think it’s kind if you invited them to come - and therefore know they may attend - to treat them well too. In many cultures, honestly the food is a very important part of the celebration.
I’m not judging them. They can do what they want. We can do the what our culture prefers. The wedding couple should be able to do what they prefer. Future DIL’s brother eloped because he didn’t want a fancy wedding. I completely understand!
It’s all relative. One persons fancy is another persons basic.
I think overall “we” do judge weddings and wedding traditions - a lot! Too many frills, not enough frills, too much food, too little food, too many people, not enough people - one of the most judged topics ever!
My cousin married into a Mennonite family. They had the punch/cake reception afterwards in the church hall. Once the groom’s family headed back to Lancaster County, we all moved over to the steelworker’s hall for the second half…
One of my friend’s fiancé went to a fortune teller prior to their marriage. The fortune teller unfortunately predicted that my friend would have two marriages. Not to be deterred, they had 2 ceremonies.
“And if you haven’t heard a peep of thanks from your cousin months after you’ve ordered that espresso machine off his registry, it’s fair game to check in, if you wish. “You can ask: ‘How did you like that? Is it working out for you? I thought of getting one for myself,’” Ms. Hirst said. “They will probably say: ‘I’m so sorry. I meant to get to you. We’re working on it.’””
Excuse me? Of course the recipient should thank the giver, but that doesn’t make it OK to throw it in their face if they fail. It’s not your job to give another adult an etiquette lesson. Pointing out someone’s rudeness is also rude!
The thing is that the wording of that phone conversation takes great pains to not throw the recipients poor manners back in their faces.
That’s why it’s effective.
I don’t agree at all. The etiquette advisor anticipates that the wording of the call will provoke an apology and an explanation of newlywed’s failure. That suggests that the person apologizing understands that they are being corrected (because they’re not an idiot). What’s the purpose of forcing that apology besides shaming the newlywed?
We finally got a thank you note note from a couple last week when we saw them-from a wedding in early December 2021! For me, i’m just glad to finally know they did indeed receive our gifts. Any kind of acknowledgment is okay by me- verbal, email, text, note. Just please let me know you got the gift! I personally don’t see anything wrong with the etiquette person’s advice.
This is the scenario I assumed the author was thinking about. If the gift was sent through any kind of delivery service, there’s always the chance it didn’t arrive. I’ve heard of that happening. Perhaps it would be possible to find out more indirectly, through tracking numbers or discreetly asking someone else, but if not, I wouldn’t assume a phone call to the recipient was meant to shame them.
Many ears ago, I seem to recall reading in some etiquette source or another that it was acceptable to send thank you notes up to a year later.
Also some delivery services fail to include the note so you left to guess who is it from. My DS got $300 worth of gift for Christmas by delivery service which was sent from most likely one of his customers. No notes included so he doesn’t know whom to thank. My DH got box of candy again no notes
How far ahead do people get “save the date” notifications?
My nephew is presumably getting married in early June; destination wedding of sorts in Saratoga Springs. My brother called last month to warn me that hotels might be an issue because there was a big college reunion the same weekend. Nephew and fiancée could only reserve a small block of rooms (half of which bride’s family immediately grabbed). I was able to reserve a room at another hotel using Hilton points, so at least we have somewhere to stay.
But I hesitate to make any other non-reimbursable plans like airline tickets until something official, so to speak, is sent. Brother gave a vague schedule for the weekend so I’ve worked out when we (and our son) should fly out etc. Brother implied a couple of months ago that “save the date” cards were being ordered. I guess in a week or so I’ll check with him to see what’s happening. But I assumed with so much travel involved for guests that they should give more of a heads up.
Wow, we’re talking June 2023 for us! I’m not sure how reliable brother’s info is since he keeps talking about how nephew and fiancée are making all the plans.
We got a save the date for a niece’s wedding, October, at a Vermont inn (should be nice) but on a Thursday night (?). We’re retired, will probably attend, but likely will not be able to.
The inn is in the middle of nowhere, and we can’t wait to look up what the “preferred rate” is for wedding guests.
