Is it the niece I know???
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We sent our Save the Date cards in November for an end of May wedding.
For a place that is hard to get lodging (like Marthaās Vineyard) a lot,of advance notice might be needed.
@MADad where in Vermont? Actually some of those Inns arenāt all that costly. And maybe they chose a Thursday night because it was less costly than the weekend days.
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D chose a Friday night that was much less than the cost of Saturday night. It worked out well as it was a weekend of celebration for her friends.
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No, sheās on DHās side of the family. 
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My D also had hers on a Friday. It didnāt seem to factor into anyoneās decision to attend, but we certainly would have understood if it did. Weāve been to several Friday weddings since then. They are considerably less expensive.
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My son had his on Thursday. It was a small wedding just for the family so everyone attended
D1 and her fiance are deciding on the place for their wedding here in San Diego by the end of this month. They plan to marry in May of 2024, but since her fiance has so many family and friends coming from the east coast they want to send save the date cards out by next month so that people will know 15 months in advance what their date is and can plan accordingly (or save money if needed) to attend.
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Our sonās upcoming wedding is late June this year. We received a Save-the-Date card just before Christmas. I thought I was opening a Christmas card. When I saw what it was, I thought, āIād better put this on my calendar.ā 
Except for their local friends, this wedding is out-of-state for everyone. A block of rooms is reserved, but I have no idea how many. There are many other hotel options near this Inn, so I donāt think anyone who decides to attend will have any issue finding lodgings.
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One year struck me as extreme even back in the snail mail days! Three months sounds a lot more reasonable, especially considering the multiple communication options available today. In fact, I know folks who barely check their snail mail, so a lovely hand-written note may fall through the cracks as opposed to some other method. Iām sure this varies by person/location. But the bottom line is one should acknowledge gift-givers in a timely and appropriate manner.
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When my sister got married, she registered at a local department store. She got several gifts that were not for her but for a bride with the same first name as my sister and the same last name as my sisterās husband to be (never my sisterās last name). She called the store several times and said there had been a mix up and someone should come get the gifts and send them to the right bride so that Aunt Mary and Uncle Fred could be thanked. The store never fixed the mistake and after a few years my sister started using the silver spoons or whatever the gifts were.
A friend of mine got married so I went to the department store (different one, but still local) and they pulled up her registry. It was her all right - but the registry was for her FIRST marriage! If I would have picked something they would have sent it to an address she hadnāt been at for 5 or more years.
My niece sent generic thank you notes. Thanks for coming, you really made our wedding special, etc., with photos from the wedding but no mention of a gift. We didnāt know if sheād really gotten the items we sent. She was living in Montana, got married in Washington and the groom was living in Canada. Gifts sent to her motherās (different last name) house in Washington by BB&B. Only after many years was I told that Johnny uses the pan every morning to cook breakfast.
I think checking is fine. I even think itās okay to say outright 'Hey, just checking you received XXX. With delivery issues or porch pirates these days, just wanted to make sure you got it or if I need to track it with Amazon." If you know them well enough to send a $200 espresso machine, you know them well enough to be direct.
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It irks me, too. And I donāt think a telephone call or text should suffice. The guest goes to a lot more trouble than that to give the gift.
I stop gifting people who donāt thank me in writing. Iāve come around to accepting a nice personalized email in lieu of a handwritten note. Actually, Iām also not too impressed with the generic āThank you for your giftā notes. They canāt be bothered to consult a list to determine what the gift-giver gave?
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We got a save the date for a Sept wedding back in December.
We attended a wedding labor day of 21. To date, no thank you card. Very weird since the bride was very prompt about sending a thank you card for the gift I gave her at the bridal shower. I checked with my friends that also attended the wedding and they said they received their thank you cards by xmas 21 - so I am assuming mine just got lost in the mail!
We attending another wedding in Oct 21 - they sent us a thank you card in time for their one-year anniversary
It took D1 some time before she sent out her thank you cards (my friends asked about it), because she tried to include a picture of the guest(s) in each thank-you card. She said it was very time consuming, but she wanted to make it more personal.
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I agree!
People are welcome to judge. But, people also need to realize that they arenāt entitled to a fancy wedding. Itās up to the bride and groom to decide how much they want to spend and what they want to do. Itās not up to the guests.
I think the whole ācover your plateā gift expectation is actually very poor manners. If the bride, groom, and their families are hoping to recoup the costs of the wedding through gifts, they shouldāve thrown a cheaper wedding. Not that hard a concept to understand. Also, I have some questions about the whole āgive a gift that covers the cost of your plateā concept:
What if you attend the wedding of a bride and groom who come from very wealthy families where money is no object and the wedding most likely costs a fortune? What if you canāt afford to cover your plate? Do they really need an expensive gift that is equivalent to the very high cost of the guestās plate? Are wealthy families looking to recoup their wedding costs?
What if you go the wedding of a couple who isnāt made of money and their families arenāt wealthy? Should they get a less expensive gift since their wedding costs less? Maybe they could really use a more expensive gift, that they maybe couldnāt afford otherwise? Maybe they skimped and saved to have a nice wedding? Does a simpler wedding mean you have to give less?
Does it make a difference if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves vs if the parents are paying for everything?
See this is the issue with that whole expectation of covering your plate with a giftā¦
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I agree with this, 100%!
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Same here! Weddings and wedding gifts are NOT a competition.
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My daughter went to a wedding at the Four Seasons, WDW. On line the cheapest cost for a wedding was $240/plate (we were just nosy and checking it out), and I donāt think this wedding was the cheapest plate available (it was filet, on a Saturday night, etc). There is no way she was giving this 25 year old friend (daughter was 23) a $600 gift from D and her BF. I donāt think the bride/groom expected that. If they did, they invited the wrong crowd.
This couple got the same $100 all the others got. Many many weddings in this group of friends and some kids were still in grad school, or starting their first jobs. Just getting to the weddings is a major expense for these kids, and IMO, part of the gift.
My daughter is just starting to plan her wedding and is making a major decision if she wants to spend more than $20k or just have a small event. She knows sheās not going to get the $20k back in gifts. Weddings arenāt break even events. I know she doesnāt want to invite any of my friends (even her godmother). Sheās paying, so itās her guest list.
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S2 and fiancee are getting married in September in Ukraine. Itāll be at a small winery they love in the Carpathian Mountains, about a four hour drive from Lviv, where they live. There are about eight folks coming from the US, a couple others scattered around Europe, and others from various cities in Ukraine. They are figuring on about 50 people. Wedding is on a Thursday, as the winery doesnāt do catered events on weekends during harvest season.
FDIL has arranged for a 29-passenger bus and driver for Wednesday-Saturday, for round-trip transportation and local field trips, schlepping from hotels to venue, etc. Cost: $400. They will also pay for the driverās hotel and meals, ~$150. Dinner and wine (both highly rated) at the venue: $15/pp. Friday will include a wine-tasting tour ($7pp) and thermal spa ($5pp). Very nice hotel in town is $30-40/night. Have already booked DJ and band ($1100 total). FDIL has decided against decorations and flowers at the venue because she likes the traditional Carpathian decorations already in the restaurant. They are planning to pay expenses for some of their guests for whom the cost is difficult. Ukrainian prices are low, but so are wages, and even more so these days. They are also very conscious about not having a conspicuous blowout party due to wartime.
I think they plan to make clear that they donāt need gifts/money. Donāt know what Ukrainians customs are about this stuff, though. Am leaving it to S and FDIL to sort out.
The registry ceremony will take place in Lviv I think, but not sure when. They have to get legal ducks in order first. S had a regular residence permit, but because heās been doing media work, he now has a special journalist visa. Need to square that with the Ukrainian requirements for a foreigner marrying a UA citizen. I suspect the registry will happen before we arrive.
S and FDIL figure the entire thing will run about $5k, which is about what we paid for a 50-person wedding 40 years ago. We offered to help with some of the cost, but they turned us down. Theyād like to have a party in the US at some point, which would be more costly, and said theyād appreciate help with that. I donāt see one big party as very feasible because S has friends and cousins all over the country (and many with young kids). It may turn into a casual traveling meet-up in a couple places.
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This sounds like my kind of wedding. Simple and lovely. I wish them a beautiful ceremony and celebration.
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I literally just got invited to a wedding happening tomorrow afternoon so I hope I get a lot of grace in terms of potential faux pas.
Iām giving a card with a check as I have no idea about a registry. Iāve never given a check in my life.
She told me the dress is ācocktail attire.ā It has been raining and this is an outdoor wedding with a high tomorrow in the 60s so I am wearing nice black leggings and a beautiful lavender Calvin Klein blouse Iāve never worn but had hanging in the back of my closet. With time, I would work harder to find something, but, hey, Iām only invited because her grandparents got sick so she had open spots. Iām thrilled to be invited and am happy for her and canāt wait to see her in her dress. Plus, I am a willing dancer and can make conversation with anyone so Iām a great wedding guest!
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