H did not ask my dad for his blessing - I’m pretty sure my dad would have said something like “ask Fallgirl”. SIL did not ask H and we did not expect him to.
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I had to go back and look at my daughter’s invites too, as I didn’t recall how she did them. She went traditional with the invite, and it was my husband and myself inviting the recipient to the wedding of our daughter to her (then) fiancé.
If you were invited to the rehearsal dinner, there was a separate invite in there from the groom’s parents, inviting you to that - as they were hosts and paid for it.
My SIL did ask for our blessing. It was not required by us, but it was so sweet and heartwarming and a chance for him to really express what our daughter means to him (he and I both cried!) I was glad to have experienced it as the parent.
My husband did not ask my dad (my 22 y.o. self thought it was completely unnecessary and cringy) and my dad was offended that he didn’t.
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In our case the boys had no reason to believe DH would give them grief or a “no”. Probably most of the guys that do give a heads up to the parents are ones that are pretty confident in their standing 
Though one of them had the wrong number for DH and was rebuffed by phone and text so he might have thought for a while something was wrong lol.
First one phrased it as “what would you think if I were to propose” and second one did use the word permission but DD’19 would take no offense to that.
I did think about if DD’17’s prior BF had asked us, I might have been tempted to tell him how I really felt! But I don’t think he would have talked to us first.
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My son and his then girlfriend went to the girlfriend 's family out of state for the holidays. When his girlfriend stepped away for awhile, my son asked the dad if he could talk to him about something. The dad said something to the effect of "before you say anything, the answer is yes! "
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I think the men who “ask” likely know the answer will be a very happy yes.
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I am paying for the bulk of D2’s wedding, but I told them to have the invite coming from them because I don’t want to include my ex in the invite.
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Only if P2 wants to for some reason.
I’d say yes unless there’s a reason (not disclosed) to say no thank you. I don’t see the down side. Traditionally the party/parties that pay are the one/ones hosting the wedding/reception and the invitation would come from them.
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Fortunately for us, we have a free church, clergy, and a big multipurpose room for a reception. Yeah, it’s a little hokey doing a wedding reception in a basketball court, but it frees a lot of money for things like a DJ, nice wedding invitations, a nice cake, and a dress. If it were up to me, my daughter would get married in jeans, because it’s cheaper than a dress. But my wife objects to such ideas 
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I’ve been to that kind of reception. (Big multipurpose room - ceremony was there when it is was in “church mode”.). Church members cooked and served the buffet meal, and there were tables set up to eat. They had a DJ there, so lots of fun dancing too. In this family three kids had different kinds of wedding (one high end and pricey), and all were quite lovely and memorable.
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Watch Father of the Bride and take notes.
I have that movie memorized!
Best advice! 
Our invite back in the day has my parents inviting and then said DH, son of mr and mrs DH’s last name. DH’s parents hosted a small rehearsal dinner at the home of their friends, and we paid for a lot of the wedding but it was important to me to honor my parents. They had given us a generous contribution to our wedding and had attended the very traditional weddings of my many cousins, so it was important to me for them to be the hosts.
Recent weddings we have attended have included all types of wording. My friend was upset that she and her ex were paying for most of the wedding and groom’s parents were contributing pretty much nothing and yet the invite stated “together with their parents”.
Another friend similarly thought that she and her DH should have been named on the invite since they were footing the entire bill. But the invite was written as if the kids were doing the inviting. A third friend basically told her daughter that if she wanted the parents to pay for their very large, rather expensive wedding, the invites had to be Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s parents invite you and I think the grooms parents were list after the groom as “son of”…
Not sure I really notice when I get an invite, but the wording can be a bit tricky, especially when the bride’s parents are footing all or most of the bill.
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IDK. It did not bother me at all that both H and I and SIL’s parents had our names on the wedding invitations(on the back as mentioned above) even though we paid 100%. Never occurred to me.
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My take:
If the invitation is coming from the bride and groom as the “inviters”, bride and groom should get equal billing. Grooms should never be a “second” or afterthought.
If the invitation is coming from parent(s) (I’m talking about the wording) of the bride/groom , if there is a decent relationship of the bride/groom with their parent(s), all should be included.
To me it is NOT about the $$ at all. It is about the celebration.
This might sound a bit over the top, but if we can’t accept equity in these non-world problem situations, how are we ever going to tackle the real life world problem conditions of equity!?
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Since when is the purpose of any invitation to indicate who is paying for the event? Let’s get over ourselves. Good grief!
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Our invites had both sets of parents hosting, though H’s parents paid nothing and we paid about 75% (40 years ago, we were just out of school). My MIL would have been livid if we’d not included them on the invite. I decided to keep the peace and just did it. She was causing lots of trouble already.
S1’s was from B&G and their parents. B’s folks didn’t contribute (they were flying in from the UK and that was their budget), we paid for food (self-catered), B&G paid the rest.
S2 and DIL: They never sent out invites. Was purely by phone calls/texts/in person. Worked with S2 on setting up a Google firm, but it never got used. Part of the low-key theme.
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It’s not the purpose but usually it’s the reality.
We are paying 100% of the costs for my D’s wedding, including all costs associated with the reception and brunch the next day. We are inviting and hosting all the guests to multiple events: wedding ceremony, reception and brunch that we planned with the B&G and are paying for. Why would the invitations come from the B, G, or the G’s family?
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My daughter’s invitation will have her and my future SILs names. We are paying for most/almost all of the wedding.
I do not care whose names are on the invitations- theirs, ours, SILs parents…I don’t care.
My future SIL is a great guy. His family is extremely nice, warm, and welcoming to all. My daughter is lucky.
That’s all I care about.
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The invitations should be worded any way the couple wishes based on what they want the invitations to say without regard to who’s paying for what and how much. If the couple wants the invites to indicate that one set of parents is doing the inviting that’s fine, but that should not be conflated with who’s paying.
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